Belgium, Stonehenge, and Normandy

There comes a time in a man's life, in which he has to meet the parents.  Now does a man give hugs, does he bow, does he give his girlfriend's mother a signed, framed photo of himself, does he discuss the many indicators that he is the reincarnation of Enrique Iglesias?  No.  A man plays it cool.  A man keeps his shirt on, a man pretends to be normal.  I mean, can you even imagine introducing your parents to this. Yeah, all of this (motions up and down body).  This is the unfortunate task that Sarah was faced with, when we met her parents in Belgium.  Sarah's parents spent a few days in Paris with her aunt and uncle ahead of meeting us in Bruges, so Sarah had a few days to kibosh my idiotic ideas.

If you take the Eurostar to Belgium, you are required to pass through Brussels.  From there, you have up to 24 hours to catch a train to any other city within the country.  Since we got a free day in Brussels, we decided to stay there for a night and view the city before heading to Bruges.  Upon arriving, we ventured out to the main town square and found a beer festival!  Talk about stereotypes.  We weren't allowed into the main section however, since we had a backpack.  No doubt that was due to the terrorist attacks that have occurred recently.  If only we lived in a world where people didn't resort to violence...

There's a bone in my hand that connects to a drink, on the crowded streets where the glasses clink.  And I'l buy you a beer and we'll drink it in deep, because that keeps me from falling asleep!

In case you were unaware, The Smurfs were created in Belgium!

Similar to Prague, Brussels has a giant clock with interactive figurines.

The door that incepted itself.  A door within a door within a door.

The next morning, we wandered around for a few hours to see some of the main attractions and buy  chocolates for our work friends.  They're so needy!  After completing our shopping, we hopped on a train to Bruges, where there was a cheese and wine festival upon our arrival...I really don't know how we time these things out, it's like the universe wants us to be alcoholics!  However all the old people were scrounging through the cheese tents, like bottom feeders around a dead whale carcass.  Some greedy, old bastard cut in front of me and took the last two pieces of cheese.  These old people have no rules, they don't understand the queue, and they don't respect the cheese.  #StillBitter

After succumbing to the realization I was never going to get any cheese, Sarah and I decided to drown our sorrows in a couple of pints and play some pool.  We had a pretty low key dinner, before retiring back to our hotel for the evening, as I needed my beauty sleep before meeting Sarah's mother.  I mean let's be honest, I need my looks.  All it takes is reading a few lines of this blog to realize I wasn't going to impress them with my personality or charm.

Thank you James and Jules for introducing us to the movie "In Bruges".  If you ever come here, you have to watch it, it's hilarious.

Definitely a tourist town, but it's clean and pretty...And full of life's most important things: Beer and Chocolate.

 I'm so wrapped up in a daze, hoping this is just a phase.  But when all is said and done, I know you are still the one.  You're the only one.  Cupid's bow, it stung.  And now you're the only one...

Sarah's mother had never met a former male model before, so after recovering from her initial daze, we were on our way.  We'd already met via FaceTime, but it was nice to finally meet in person!  We didn't waste any time in getting our tourist on, so we headed to the Historium to get a little history about life in Bruges and soak up the views of the town square.  We spent the rest of the day wandering around, sneaking in cheeky pints, and enjoying the cuisine.  Sarah's parents were also excited to catch up on sleep, as they were staying in a hotel outside of the latin quarter in Paris, where the music blared all night long!  They're lucky I wasn't there with them, because I would have thrown down on those dance floors, and there are some things you simply cannot unsee.

Day two started with a boat trip along the canals and ended with a trip to the chocolate museum, as Belgium, of course, is famous for it's chocolate.  We learned that Belgian chocolate is regulated, based on the percentage of cocoa beans that are used vs. other ingredients, which is likely the reason Belgian chocolate is considered to be some of the best in the world.  I like to mix in these facts from time to time because as many of you know, my blog stands for two things: Providing educational information and respect for women.  Our time in Bruges was limited, however, so after leaving the chocolate museum, we had to make the train journey back to London.

Probably one of the favourite night shots I've taken.  Still can't believe I've had my camera for 3 years now.  It's captures so many amazing memories, it's almost like a travel companion.

This is how you get all your ducks in a row...

I got my eye on you, what you gonna do?

Upon returning to London, I had to go back to work, but Sarah had taken the entire week off to show her parents around.  We also took Sarah's mom to Book of Mormon for her Birthday, which is a must see for anyone!  Now, I'm sure most of you consider me to be a manly man, both for my love of Appletinis and my incredible facial hair, so you can probably understand my tentativeness about how enjoyable a musical was going to be.  But I was dead wrong.  Book of Mormon is effing hilarious, a must-see!  I will never lack faith in a musical being entertaining ever again.  I absolutely loved it.  Sarah also got us all tickets to do a tour of the Buckingham Palace State Rooms, which are only opening during the summer months.  

Often confused for being London Bridge, this is actually Tower Bridge

Taking a sunset cruise along the Thames

It was a good year and a half London.  I shall miss you.

Have I spent at least 30 hours of my life watching some dude with crazy hair talk about Ancient Aliens?  Absolutely I have.  So there comes a time in a man's life when he needs to search for things, Loch Ness Monsters, Bigfoot, Aliens.  That time is always.  Thus we took Sarah's parents on a trip outside of London to Stonehenge, a mythical place created by druids, with a lot of conspiracy theory indicating extraterrestrial assistance.  Now you probably picture Stonehenge as being this really spooky rock structure in the middle of the woods.  Let me reset that picture.  You can literally see cars zipping by a few hundred meters away on the giant highway that runs parallel to it.  It's cool to think about how it was created, but it just wasn't what I imagined.  It also may not have helped that it was bucketing down rain!

After leaving Stonehenge, we headed to the Roman city of Bath, which is known for it's natural hot springs.  It's one of the prettiest cities in England, so it's a must see for anyone that wants a day trip out of London.  Since we were there on a combined bus tour for Stonehenge and Bath, we had about three hours to grab lunch and wander around the city before we had to head back. 

Ancient Aliens baby!

Bath is amazing, definitely one of my favourite cities in England

I convinced Sarah there was a ghost in this photo... It may or may not have just been a projection on the wall...

This is basically what I used to picture when I thought of England.  Now I know better.

After Sarah's parents returned to the U.S., we spent the next four days selling all of our furniture and moving all of our belongings halfway across London, as we had to move out of our flat.  We were on a four day time crunch, because we were going to our friend Chloe's wedding in Normandy that weekend!  There's never any time for rest with us.  Luckily our friends Ian and James were willing to let us crash with them between the time our flat lease ended and when we moved back to America.  Talk about having amazing friends to bail you out!  I owe them more gin and tonics than they can ever consume!

After the wedding, we had no more trips planned... But there comes a Thursday night before your girlfriend's last day at work and it just seems like you should fly her to Budapest afterwards.  But that's a story for another blog...


Random GoPros

The view from the Historium

It's definitely worth taking a canal ride

I didn't realize they were using my calves as moulds for these statues...

 Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps

How you doin?

I just have to say you look so god damn good, I give ya crazy mad props, cus I know should...

Such a diva, with the hair flip

If you find a wishing well, something as dreamy as me might just appear.  But I won't wish you well, I'll just give you hell.

It's too close, it's just disturbing.

Listening to the audio guide and getting drenched with Sarah's parents.

My sleepy lady

To wander the world next to you, is all that I could ever do.  So rain, rain go away.  Come again another day.  All the world is waiting for the sun.  Rain, rain go away.  Come again another day.  All the world is waiting for the sun.  

I'd like to think I have everything I want from this life...

Victoria Falls and the Raft of Death

After our safari ended, we were transported to the third country of our trip, Zimbabwe.  Our destination was Victoria Falls, which is considered to be one the seven natural wonders of the world.  As most of you probably already know, the other six are my abs.  The falls were originally named Mosi-oa-Tunya, which means 'The Smoke that Thunders".  We had 2.5 days in the area, so we decided to chill out our first afternoon, visit the falls on day two, and go rafting on day three.  In hindsight, rafting on our last day was the greatest decision we ever made, as rafting literally destroyed my desire to live...but more on that later.

After having a quiet first night and catching up on sleep, we woke up early and headed to the falls.  We had read online that the tickets were $10 and you could leave the park and re-enter it as much as you'd like throughout the day.  When we arrived, the ticket was $30 and only good for a single entry.  Bah!  Damn you capitalism, taking advantage of us tourists.

Victoria Falls from the airplane

I've only seen the bottom two...Some traveler I am.

Sometimes Sarah likes to walk behind me so she can check out my sexy bum!

The volume of water that comes down is insane, that's why it actually does look like smoke.  And because it drops so far...well, it sounds like thunder.

Since there is pretty much nothing to do in the actual town of Victoria Falls, other than get harassed by the hundreds of people trying to sell you crap souvenirs, we figured we should try and spend as much time in the park as possible.  Party to enjoy the scenery and partly so people would leave us the f alone :)!  There is a path that winds around the park, so you can see all of the individual falls that make up Victoria Falls.  The scenery is absolutely amazing, you feel so completely dwarfed by how large it is.  There is also a section on the Zambia side, called the Devil's Pool, where you can actually sit in a natural pool on the edge of the waterfall.  We didn't have enough time to go, but it was also $100 for 15 minutes, and I'm not made of money.

The Devil's Cataract

Depending on what time of year you go, this can be a full sheet of water or completely dry.  We came somewhere in the middle, which ended up being perfect!

I need to live in the wild instead of a city

Kayaks on the Zambezi...If only we knew what we were getting into...

Since we paid so much for entrance to the park, we decided to do a second loop, so we could just enjoy the sights and not worry about taking photos.  We were rewarded for our efforts because we stumbled upon two deer hanging out along the cliff's edge!  Life just seems so easy when you see animals relaxing in the wilderness.  Those deer roam around a giant park and have a free view to what many consider the most amazing waterfall in the world.  Meanwhile I work all day in an office and rarely see sunlight.

After leaving the falls, we went to our lunchtime spot, The Lookout Cafe, which offers cheap beer, good food, and even better views.  We came in after a group of about fifty Chinese tourists that all ordered the exact same meal...and ate about half of it.  Such waste!  After eating, we wandered around town, did some souvenir shopping, and eventually found a place that had African style tapas.  Impala meatballs and wild game meat skewers for the win!

I would take being out in the world over sitting on the couch watching Netflix any day.  Too many amazing things to see and do.

I love this shot, the deer relaxing in front of the waterfall.  Wild and free, just like life is supposed to be.

"Take every risk, drop every fear"

Not a bad little panorama

People complain about moles ruining their gardens...Imagine warthogs.  

Wild game meat skewers!  No idea what kind of meat, but it was delicious.

Ugh.  Rafting.  Sarah had the idea to go white water rafting in Zimbabwe, because it is considered by many to be the best in the world.  I consider it to be death incarnate.  I had a bad feeling when they split us into uneven groups.  Most had six, one had five, and our group had seven.  Instead of splitting up one of the larger groups and make each group six, they chose to have odd numbers.  Not that having balance in a raft is key.  Neither is having people paddle through the rapids, or putting the experienced people in front, or having a guide that even remotely knows what he's doing.  None of those things are important.  Unless you want to live.

Our guide, Stuart, was literally the worst guide I have ever had doing anything in my life.  If you go rafting and he is your guide, you will probably die or lose your desire to live.  The course is made up of about 19 rapids along the Zambezi River, but depending on the time of year you go, the level of each rapid can fluctuate.  We had to walk around two level sixes, but were able to paddle through four level fives.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with rafting, it isn't uncommon for people to die on level four and fives.  The previous times I've gone rafting, I'd only fallen out once and each time the raft was flipped intentionally by the guide for fun.  Sarah and one other girl fell out five times, everyone else fell out four.  Our raft fully flipped three times.  No other raft flipped more than once...

The third time the raft flipped, was by far the most dangerous.  As we went towards a rapid, known as "The Washing Machine", we were told to paddle hard and aim for the right side of the rapid, because it is a level four on the side and a six in the middle.  Level six rapids are off limits as there is a high likelihood of injury and possibly even death.  Our guide, who sat in the back of the raft and acted as our rudder, apparently thought it was a good idea to steer us directly into the carnage.  Not only did we all get absolutely smashed, but our entire raft got sucked into the river before getting shot out.  I literally thought I was going to die.

My GoPro footage would later reveal that I got sucked under for over thirty seconds, spinning around in a whirlpool before getting shot out.  It was pure luck that I got sent above the water at the exact moment I gasped for air, because as soon as I was out, I was sucked under again.  Luckily I was able to spot Sarah when I finally came up for good, so I at least knew she was ok.  However, one girl didn't make it out so lucky.  She smashed her back on the rocks and through tears indicated she was at a pain level of 7 out of 10.  To make matters worse, we still had five rapids to go, as well as an 800 meter hike up a cliffside.  And if her day couldn't get any worse, when we got back up and were eating lunch, she got stung on the tongue by a wasp and I had to pull out the stinger.  It was chaos incarnate. It was Africa.

One of the few times our raft was actually upright...

The safety measures in Zimbabwe aren't exactly great...

As crazy and dangerous as it was.... We will never forget this trip!

We woke up the next morning completely shattered.  Neither of us could walk without limping and we had to hobble 2 miles across the border and go through passport checks between Zimbabwe and Zambia, since we were flying back out of Livingstone.  To make matters worse, I had to do this whilst carrying our big backpack that held all of our clothes and weighed like fifty pounds.  Life is always a struggle.

Luckily, shortly after the border crossing we found a huge resort, so we were able to stop in and get a coffee before organizing a taxi to the airport.  The resort was absolutely amazing (and full of rich people), but I'm glad we stay in tents and have adventures.  Why spend all that money going to Africa if you aren't going to go out and experience it?  I'll never understand people that go on vacation to sit around a pool, drink fancy cocktails, and play on their cell phones when they could go out and see what this world has to offer.  Turn that phone off and chuck it in a drawer people, you need to untether from that sh!t.

Who can resist buying Simba chips?

A hippo drink stirrer!  This will be stirring Tito's and club sodas in Orlando in no time...

After another full day of flying, that included transfers in South Africa and Qatar, we finally got back to London.  However, we never rest for long, so within a few weeks we were already on our next adventure to meet Sarah's parents in Belgium.  Did they approve of me?  Did Sarah's mom refer to my body as being pure dynamite?  I guess you'll find out on my next blog...


Random GoPros

The Lookout Cafe

Our version of Paradise Falls

And I'd give up forever to touch you, cus I know that you feel me somehow.  You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now...

Like ants on a log...

 Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps

Nearly any view is made better with your first beer of the day!

What did on eye say to the other?
Between me and you, something smells

My shame at incorrectly navigating us

She's in my shirt, wearing my shades, holding my GoPro!  What's mine is not mine.

What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful :)

Oh that boy's a slag, the best you ever had.  The best you ever had is just a memory. And those dreams aren't as daft as they seem, not as daft as they seem, my love when you dream them up...

So many travels!  Our second continent together.  We will reach #3 when we are both back in the US!

You're somewhere I wanna go.  Nice and swift as we take it slow.  You know we sit just right, it's one hell of a sight...

We're here for the moment, so let's own it.  For the moment, so let's own it.  Why are you waiting, it's here for the taking.  It's good loving, it's worth making...

After she fell out, I had the choice to help her back into the raft or take photos mocking her.  I chose wisely.

I think we spent half our day's journey walking around the rapids that were too dangerous to raft through.

We took this photo whilst we still thought we were going to live

Completely shattered, but glad we made it out alive!