Victoria Falls and the Raft of Death

After our safari ended, we were transported to the third country of our trip, Zimbabwe.  Our destination was Victoria Falls, which is considered to be one the seven natural wonders of the world.  As most of you probably already know, the other six are my abs.  The falls were originally named Mosi-oa-Tunya, which means 'The Smoke that Thunders".  We had 2.5 days in the area, so we decided to chill out our first afternoon, visit the falls on day two, and go rafting on day three.  In hindsight, rafting on our last day was the greatest decision we ever made, as rafting literally destroyed my desire to live...but more on that later.

After having a quiet first night and catching up on sleep, we woke up early and headed to the falls.  We had read online that the tickets were $10 and you could leave the park and re-enter it as much as you'd like throughout the day.  When we arrived, the ticket was $30 and only good for a single entry.  Bah!  Damn you capitalism, taking advantage of us tourists.

Victoria Falls from the airplane

I've only seen the bottom two...Some traveler I am.

Sometimes Sarah likes to walk behind me so she can check out my sexy bum!

The volume of water that comes down is insane, that's why it actually does look like smoke.  And because it drops so far...well, it sounds like thunder.

Since there is pretty much nothing to do in the actual town of Victoria Falls, other than get harassed by the hundreds of people trying to sell you crap souvenirs, we figured we should try and spend as much time in the park as possible.  Party to enjoy the scenery and partly so people would leave us the f alone :)!  There is a path that winds around the park, so you can see all of the individual falls that make up Victoria Falls.  The scenery is absolutely amazing, you feel so completely dwarfed by how large it is.  There is also a section on the Zambia side, called the Devil's Pool, where you can actually sit in a natural pool on the edge of the waterfall.  We didn't have enough time to go, but it was also $100 for 15 minutes, and I'm not made of money.

The Devil's Cataract

Depending on what time of year you go, this can be a full sheet of water or completely dry.  We came somewhere in the middle, which ended up being perfect!

I need to live in the wild instead of a city

Kayaks on the Zambezi...If only we knew what we were getting into...

Since we paid so much for entrance to the park, we decided to do a second loop, so we could just enjoy the sights and not worry about taking photos.  We were rewarded for our efforts because we stumbled upon two deer hanging out along the cliff's edge!  Life just seems so easy when you see animals relaxing in the wilderness.  Those deer roam around a giant park and have a free view to what many consider the most amazing waterfall in the world.  Meanwhile I work all day in an office and rarely see sunlight.

After leaving the falls, we went to our lunchtime spot, The Lookout Cafe, which offers cheap beer, good food, and even better views.  We came in after a group of about fifty Chinese tourists that all ordered the exact same meal...and ate about half of it.  Such waste!  After eating, we wandered around town, did some souvenir shopping, and eventually found a place that had African style tapas.  Impala meatballs and wild game meat skewers for the win!

I would take being out in the world over sitting on the couch watching Netflix any day.  Too many amazing things to see and do.

I love this shot, the deer relaxing in front of the waterfall.  Wild and free, just like life is supposed to be.

"Take every risk, drop every fear"

Not a bad little panorama

People complain about moles ruining their gardens...Imagine warthogs.  

Wild game meat skewers!  No idea what kind of meat, but it was delicious.

Ugh.  Rafting.  Sarah had the idea to go white water rafting in Zimbabwe, because it is considered by many to be the best in the world.  I consider it to be death incarnate.  I had a bad feeling when they split us into uneven groups.  Most had six, one had five, and our group had seven.  Instead of splitting up one of the larger groups and make each group six, they chose to have odd numbers.  Not that having balance in a raft is key.  Neither is having people paddle through the rapids, or putting the experienced people in front, or having a guide that even remotely knows what he's doing.  None of those things are important.  Unless you want to live.

Our guide, Stuart, was literally the worst guide I have ever had doing anything in my life.  If you go rafting and he is your guide, you will probably die or lose your desire to live.  The course is made up of about 19 rapids along the Zambezi River, but depending on the time of year you go, the level of each rapid can fluctuate.  We had to walk around two level sixes, but were able to paddle through four level fives.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with rafting, it isn't uncommon for people to die on level four and fives.  The previous times I've gone rafting, I'd only fallen out once and each time the raft was flipped intentionally by the guide for fun.  Sarah and one other girl fell out five times, everyone else fell out four.  Our raft fully flipped three times.  No other raft flipped more than once...

The third time the raft flipped, was by far the most dangerous.  As we went towards a rapid, known as "The Washing Machine", we were told to paddle hard and aim for the right side of the rapid, because it is a level four on the side and a six in the middle.  Level six rapids are off limits as there is a high likelihood of injury and possibly even death.  Our guide, who sat in the back of the raft and acted as our rudder, apparently thought it was a good idea to steer us directly into the carnage.  Not only did we all get absolutely smashed, but our entire raft got sucked into the river before getting shot out.  I literally thought I was going to die.

My GoPro footage would later reveal that I got sucked under for over thirty seconds, spinning around in a whirlpool before getting shot out.  It was pure luck that I got sent above the water at the exact moment I gasped for air, because as soon as I was out, I was sucked under again.  Luckily I was able to spot Sarah when I finally came up for good, so I at least knew she was ok.  However, one girl didn't make it out so lucky.  She smashed her back on the rocks and through tears indicated she was at a pain level of 7 out of 10.  To make matters worse, we still had five rapids to go, as well as an 800 meter hike up a cliffside.  And if her day couldn't get any worse, when we got back up and were eating lunch, she got stung on the tongue by a wasp and I had to pull out the stinger.  It was chaos incarnate. It was Africa.

One of the few times our raft was actually upright...

The safety measures in Zimbabwe aren't exactly great...

As crazy and dangerous as it was.... We will never forget this trip!

We woke up the next morning completely shattered.  Neither of us could walk without limping and we had to hobble 2 miles across the border and go through passport checks between Zimbabwe and Zambia, since we were flying back out of Livingstone.  To make matters worse, I had to do this whilst carrying our big backpack that held all of our clothes and weighed like fifty pounds.  Life is always a struggle.

Luckily, shortly after the border crossing we found a huge resort, so we were able to stop in and get a coffee before organizing a taxi to the airport.  The resort was absolutely amazing (and full of rich people), but I'm glad we stay in tents and have adventures.  Why spend all that money going to Africa if you aren't going to go out and experience it?  I'll never understand people that go on vacation to sit around a pool, drink fancy cocktails, and play on their cell phones when they could go out and see what this world has to offer.  Turn that phone off and chuck it in a drawer people, you need to untether from that sh!t.

Who can resist buying Simba chips?

A hippo drink stirrer!  This will be stirring Tito's and club sodas in Orlando in no time...

After another full day of flying, that included transfers in South Africa and Qatar, we finally got back to London.  However, we never rest for long, so within a few weeks we were already on our next adventure to meet Sarah's parents in Belgium.  Did they approve of me?  Did Sarah's mom refer to my body as being pure dynamite?  I guess you'll find out on my next blog...


Random GoPros

The Lookout Cafe

Our version of Paradise Falls

And I'd give up forever to touch you, cus I know that you feel me somehow.  You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now...

Like ants on a log...

 Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps

Nearly any view is made better with your first beer of the day!

What did on eye say to the other?
Between me and you, something smells

My shame at incorrectly navigating us

She's in my shirt, wearing my shades, holding my GoPro!  What's mine is not mine.

What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful :)

Oh that boy's a slag, the best you ever had.  The best you ever had is just a memory. And those dreams aren't as daft as they seem, not as daft as they seem, my love when you dream them up...

So many travels!  Our second continent together.  We will reach #3 when we are both back in the US!

You're somewhere I wanna go.  Nice and swift as we take it slow.  You know we sit just right, it's one hell of a sight...

We're here for the moment, so let's own it.  For the moment, so let's own it.  Why are you waiting, it's here for the taking.  It's good loving, it's worth making...

After she fell out, I had the choice to help her back into the raft or take photos mocking her.  I chose wisely.

I think we spent half our day's journey walking around the rapids that were too dangerous to raft through.

We took this photo whilst we still thought we were going to live

Completely shattered, but glad we made it out alive!

Fiji Time

Before I could enter Japan, I was required to purchase an onward ticket.  I had two options; The first was to book a flight home, the second was to travel for another six weeks, so I could make my trip abroad last for an entire year.  Three minutes later I had a flight booked to Fiji.  I took Korean airlines, which ended up being pretty awesome.  I got a full lunch on my leg from Tokyo to Seoul, then dinner and breakfast on my way to Nadi.  I was also able to catch up on movies, the Lego Movie is awesome!!!  I could only last through four minutes of both Robocop and a Keanu Reeves samurai movie before switching to the new Jack Ryan movie.  

When I finally arrived into Fiji, I was instantly hassled by immigrations.  Fiji's website says travellers that need to apply for visas in advance are required to purchase an onward ticket, but several countries, including the US are exempt from acquiring a visa.  That, however is not the case.  No country is exempt from a visa, you simply get it on arrival.  Apparently this is a common miscommunication, as the Swiss girl in front of me had the same problem, and there were another dozen people stranded outside immigrations with us.  I figured I might as well go to Hawaii next, so I purchased 15 minutes of wifi and booked a ticket to Honolulu.  My life is pretty awesome :).

When I got down to customs, the guy working the immigration booth who forced me to buy the onward ticket, was now inspecting bags.  Apparently feeling the need to hassle me further, he decided to personally look through my bag and then took my two external hard drives.  He went to a room and came back fifteen minutes later and told me I was good to go.  My theory is that he was just hoping to score some movies, because the only reason they can invade your privacy by taking your personal computer equipment is to search for kiddie porn.  However, after looking in the mirror and seeing my greasy stache, I couldn't help but wonder if he really was searching for the latter.

I mean seriously, does this look like the face of a pedophile to you?

Pretty much everyone in Nadi stays at one of the backpacker places along Wailoaloa Beach, which is a twenty minute bus ride from the actual town of Nadi.  My entire plan for Fiji, was to chill out and to work on developing some writing ideas.  However, I'm far to ADD for that and got insanely bored of Nadi pretty quickly.  The beach wasn't really that great, the water is super shallow, it isn't particularly clean, and people are constantly trying to befriend you to sell you stuff.  Locals constantly burn fields as well,  but I consider being showered by ash just as good, if not better, than a normal shower, so I considered myself sanitized most days.

Fires weren't limited to just the fields, however.  One night as I was eating my dinner, I pushed my computer off to the side to clear way for my plate and began to dig in.  A few minutes later, a guy came up to me and said the following, "Bro, your computer is on fire."  Apparently the candle behind my computer was too close and was slowly melting the outside casing, which in turn was burning out the pixels on my screen.  I'm not entirely sure how a human being can be so unobservant, but that's the hand I was dealt with.  It's a good thing I'm pretty, because it's clear I'm not going anywhere with my brains.   

After having the stress of my computer catching on fire, I partook in the traditional Fijian libation known as kava.  Kava is an earthy flavored drink made from roots that mellows you out.  It was created as a peace drink when different tribes met with each other, because Fijians used to be cannibals.   It doesn't really seem that strong, it just kind of numbs your mouth and mellows you out.  It's like drinking weed, but without the fun parts of getting the giggles and eating a ton of food.  

Although everything I said was just a picture in my head, I think we can make it...

I never ever cried when I was feeling down.  I've always been scared of the sound.  Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load... I'm too young to feel this old.......

Are you gonna live your life wondering, standing in the back looking around?  Are you gonna waste your time thinking how you've grown up or how you missed out?  Good things are never gonna be quite what you want, but even at 25, you've gotta start sometime...

All the trips around Nadi cost a few hundred dollars and I decided I'd rather die of boredom than poordom.  Thus, I caught a bus to the capital, Suva.  I ended up meeting an Aussie named Dan, A German named Nic, and a Norwegian named Miriam, who were all up to get down. Suva's night life is legit; There are bars scattered all over and there's live music abound.   Somehow we even caught an American Blue Grass show.  Our second night there was Miriam's friend Jonathan's birthday, so Drunk Sean began his comeback, one that culminated in drinking every night for two weeks straight.  During our last day in Suva, one of the hostel owner's kids received his First Communion, so we demolished a giant feast of chicken, steak, fish, crab, shrimp, salads, cake, etc.  It was the greatest thing that's happened to me.

Entrance to this club comes with a free stabbing

Fiji isn't really what I expected, it doesn't have that Indonesia amazingness, but it's still nice

Suva Sunset

After Suva I was planning to go to one of the smaller islands in Fiji, Taveuni.  However, the boats run intermittently and I wasn't going to be able to catch a boat for three more days, so I decided to hit up the Coral Coast instead.  I was only planning on staying there for 4 or 5 days and then going back to Suva to catch the boat to Taveuni, but Nic and I ended up meeting some Germans and a Fin - Fabian, Tomas, and Minna.  We spent our days watching the World Cup, eating, and lying on the beach, with occasional side excursions to kayak, play volleyball, snorkel, run, hike waterfalls, or cook meals together.  Night time was a lot easier, we just drank.  Perhaps the most important part of this trip, is that I can now open a beer without a bottle opener, thus solidifying my status as a bad-ass.  

The first night I stayed there, I was awoken by a crazy Kiwi at seven in the morning, who was adamant that I was in the wrong room and that I had broken into an all female dorm.  While this did seem like something Drunk Sean would do, I told her that it was probably just a mixed dorm, but she just kept yelling at me.  I then showed her my key, and told her this was where reception assigned me, to which she simply responded that I was wrong and I needed to "Grab my shit and get out immediately."  I told her that she was being incredibly rude and that this wasn't an appropriate way to talk to someone, so she simply stormed out saying that she was going to reception to take care of this.   

After putting on my glasses and getting up for the day, I suddenly realized that the girls in my room were underage teenagers, and realized that for the second time in Fiji, I was suspected of being a pedophile.  I don't know where my life went wrong, but I probably deserve it.  At the same time I could only wonder, what kind of chaperon books teenagers into a hostel.  I eventually moved rooms later that morning, but the Kiwi lady never apologized to me.  Everyone else thought I should have complained about her to management, but in all honesty, it actually made me appreciate the fact I no longer work and deal with people like that everyday.  If that's the worst I've been treated in a few months, I'd say I have no reason to complain to anyone.

Cus Penny and me like to roll the windows down, turn the radio up and push the pedal to the ground.  And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies, close our eyes, pretend to fly.  It's always Penny and me tonight.

Show me how you do it and I promise you, promise that I'll run away with you.  I'll run away with you...

Beach Hike

I don't use petrol, I use Zoom 50

After the Beach House, I was once again planning to go to Taveuni, but the Germans convinced me to come to Nadi with them so we could all watch the World Cup Final together.  I ended up heading there a day earlier than them and ran into Miriam and Jonatan, such a small world.   They were leaving Fiji the next day and needed to get rid of all their coins, so everyone at our table emptied their change and we bought as much booze as possible.  Usually a bartender would be pissed if you bought a beer with nickels and dimes, but he was so impressed, he gave us a free beer!  Gotta love the Fiji attitude!

The World Cup Final was between Germany and Argentina, so the Germans were intent on getting massively drunk.  The game started at 7 AM in Fiji, so we had no choice but to spend the entire day drinking after Germany won.  The next morning, the only three of us left were Fabian, Nic and myself.  Fabian and I decided to head to Taveuni (Finally!), but Nic had already been there, so he went to check out some closer islands instead.

GERMANIACS!!!!!

Foamy Victory Beers

Taveuni is supposed to be similar to Hawaii, and is a lot less touristy than the island I'd been on, Viti Levu.  My thirty hour journey there was sidetracked as soon as I started, but that's a story for another blog.



Random GoPros

It takes me less than four minutes in any country to act like a complete douche.  Check out the plane photobomb right above my head though, that's just awesome

I could climb that...

Greatest day of my life

Kayaking with Dan and Miriam at Beach House

My computer, now that it's been fired up

Waterfall with Ze Germans.   Fabian, Tomas, and Minna (Finish, but German)

The Coral Coast

Slowe Tide