A Leap of Faith

I’ll seer my name into the skies

I’ll soar to fame before your eyes

I’ll not sit back and watch as the flame of my youth dies

Someday I’ll wake as an old man, realizing time has passed me by

But still I’ll see my name, burning in the azure skies

Wishing I was a bird that could catch the time that flies

But I am still young, and to my youth, I’ll say no goodbyes

It’s time for me to make my mark, it’s time for me to rise

It’s time for me to claim the world, to mark it as my prize

It’s time for me to etch my name into the eternal skies

- Seanonymous Legend, 67 and a half B.C.


I think it's now clear that there is no way to open a post more ruggedly or manly than with a poem. I spent my last few days in Auckland going on hikes and visiting some tourist attractions. The city is pretty easy (and cheap) to get around using public buses. 



My first destination was the Auckland Museum, which is free to get in, but accepts optional donations.  I am an exhibit of human perfection, so I considered my presence the greatest donation they've ever received.  I was completely blown away by how nice and vast their collection was.  They had an awesome ocean exhibit and tons of artifacts from Maori culture.  It's also interesting to know that New Zealand was the last country to be occupied by people.  It was completely desolate until 700 years ago.  In case it hasn't been made clear, my blog endorses two things: presenting factual, educational information and promoting respect for women (Mates reference, drink!).

This little dude was awesome, he looks creepier than Bruce Jenner after a Botox injection

I was shirtless in front of this with a sign reading Ship and Dales

A replica Maori meeting house

After making my way through the museum, I hiked up to Mount Eden, which is an old volcano and the highest natural point in Auckland.  It's height is said to rival that of my ego, but I think it pales in comparison. When you get to the top you see a massive crater in the ground with the skyscrapers of the city peaking up in the background.  After doing some time lapses at mount Eden for a few hours, I hiked back down and attempted to upload some photos. However, I've learned how slow New Zealand internet is, so I quickly gave up and accepted I would have to wait until I get to Australia to have fast internet.  

The crater of Mount Eden, one third the size of the smallest one on my face

The next day we went out on a hike along the coast. Our crew consisted of Tally, Will, Kat, Katie, Kevin, and the baby Elliot. New Zealand is so badass and hardcore outdoorsy that even babies get after it.   We started our trek by going down a shitload of stairs and I just kept thinking, I am going to have to climb these on the way back, because the path wasn't a loop.  After the 5000 steps at Machu Picchu/Huayna Picchu, I have a lifelong aversion towards climbing long staircases, but since I was still on the downhill I reveled in the respite.   

This kid looks like a total douche

Random beach inlet

Our trek was absolutely stunning wrapping around cliffs and hills along the coast, with the ocean spread out before us. I tried my best to keep my camera in my bag and not be that guy that takes a million photos, but every view is stunning, so how can you not?  After hiking for a few hours, we stopped for some lunch and trekked back to the beginning and climbed the dreaded steps to get back to our cars.  I was wet, cramping up, and super whiny, but after a little bit of rest we stopped by a bird cove and then headed back to Auckland.

Cliffside Wanderers

Still working on my action photo skills, here's a bird in flight

Tally randomly got an email alert for a TreatMe deal (New Zealand groupon), for half price bungy jumps off the Auckland bridge, which is 40 meters or about 132 feet for you dumb ass Americans.  It was clearly destiny calling me, so I decided to take the plunge on my final day in Auckland.  Would I live to write about it in my blog Find out by reading the next few paragraphs!  

On the day of my jump, it was pouring with rain.  If there's one thing I've learned it's that New Zealand weather is more unpredictable than my herpes outbreaks.  It can be a perfectly sunny day, then pour rain for two hours, be sunny, pour again, etc. The temperature drops and rises with the sun, so one minute it can be as warm and inviting as Thai hooker's thighs and the next as cold as the heart of the pimp that slaps her. There was only one other kid from Denmark jumping at the same time as me, so together we marched across a freezing cold bridge in the downpour to get to the jumping platform.

As I got out on the platform I saw, what I would estimate to be, an eleven year old girl freaking out and crying in preparation for her jump. After a few more seconds of staring I began realizing it was just a mirror. Thus I wiped clear my soggy cheeks and set out to conquer my fears. I watched my newly found Danish friend scream as he leaped and set myself up to take the fall where he once stood.  With a carefully placed adult diaper and enough deodorant to cover a heard of elephants caking my armpits, I walked to the platform to take the harsh hurl into the raging ocean.  As you stare out into the water and realize how far up you are, the only thing going through your mind is, "Holy shit, this is crazy"!  Then you smile, wave at the camera, and take the soft dive towards oblivion.

 

Everything's gonna be just fine, said my pen to the dotted line as I signed a death waver before jumping

Taking the leap in a UNI t-shirt.  GO PANTHERS!

WOOOOOOOO!

Is it over already, after just four seconds? (That's what she said... super sad face, Charlie Brown walkaway)

Taking that plunge is electrifying and terrifying, and is quickly followed by a scream of "Oh fuck!" as some of you heard in the video I uploaded to Facebook. In 4 seconds I raced to the water before being flung back into the air just inches before touching it. With my adrenaline at an all time high, I finished bouncing and released the cord holding my legs in place.  One thing they don't tell you before jumping: wear thick pants. There is an extra harness around your pelvis to pull you up after you jump so with only a thin layer of mesh between the harness and my crotch, my balls were twisted into a vice grip that was torturous and unrelentingly unforgiving.  Harness 1, Chances of having functioning sperm 0.

Not a bad final day in Auckland, but I soon had to pack for my next excursion. I can't thank Tally and Will enough for letting me crash with them, feeding me, giving me rides, and so much advice on what to do.  You guys are awesome!  For my next adventures I joined a hop on/ hop off bus tour that will take about a month to cover both the north and south islands.  But that my friends, is a story for another blog.

Random GoPros