World ExploraSean: Lord Of The Rings Time!!!!!

As we made our way to Taupo, we also picked up 2 new crew members, Rik and Mikkel. These two unfortunate souls had to do their introductions to the group, which included stating what your pornstar name would be. Luckily Rik had been designated one by an American on his previous bus: Donkey Dick Rik. Mikkel wasn't missing out on the fun nicknames as James quickly noted his name was pronounced Smeagol without the S. Thus Smeagol and Donkey dick became part of our weird family.

As we got into town, we noticed an outdoor gym area, so a few of the boys decided to get their pump on. Did I work out sleeveless in the cold? Of course I did. After working out, we decided to drink in the bar for most of the night in order to counteract any positive gain the workout may have yielded. We also met another newcomer from Ireland, Tom. The next day we made our way to Whakahoro, but not before passing through some Lord of the Rings territory!

I will take the ring to Mordor and I will drop it into the fires of Mount Doom (I embrace my inner dork, no shame)

What a Bootyfull view, simply ASStounding! (Alright enough with the buns, i mean puns)

Our accomodation was a quaint, little ranch in the most landlocked portion of the north island. A few of us decided to go on a 2 hour hike in some borrowed boots from the ranch and ended up with a bunch of blisters the day before our 8 hour hike to the mountains. But at least we got a little fresh air and were able to check out a little waterfall.

I said fuck you to my career so I could say fuck yeah to living life to the fullest

The top of the drop

Once we got back, my boys also had a clay pigeon shooting contest, with Ireland (James) besting Germany (Daniel). And here I was thinking all the Irish were good for were drinking beer and eating potatoes...Actually I still believe that, Daniel is just a terrible shot and an even worse human being. After the friendly competition, we loaded up on some lamb and roast veggies to get ready for our next adventure, the 20 kilometer Tangariro Alpine Crossing. We also had to say goodbye for the first time as Cara, the only other American left us. Thus Team America was dwindled down to the loneliest of numbers.

The hike started off pretty easily, with a lot of flat land and stairs, but it wasn't long before it started raining. By the time we made it to the base of the mountains it had started to snow pretty regularly and it would only get worse as we kept climbing. Eventually we got to a point where the mountain is so steep that we had to put crampons, which are basically just metal spikes that you attach to hiking boots for enhanced grip. The higher we got, the worse the visibility became and eventually you could barely see a few meters ahead of you.

It was a snowy day on the volcano range

It was a ridiculous whiteout, couldn't see anything past 20 feet

We eventually made our way to the summit, solely for the purpose of saying we made it. I'm sure a particular friend or two from work will be pleased to know that our guide referred to me as the snowboarder whilst I stood on the precipice. Surfer dude in America, snowboarder dude in New Zealand. I guess I just have that vibe. After hiking up that volcano range everyone was ready to have a little break and get some food, so we made our way to a crater. While we were supposed to be eating, the guides started doing some avalanche checks and I had a little fun with my camera.

#truth

If you never try then you'll never know just what you're worth, so stir your weary soul and ignite your bones.

Sorry I should have put a disclaimer that when I remove my shirt, it will also remove the breath from your chest. Was it really necessary for me to be shirtless up there? Yes, absolutely it was. The next part of the hike was painful. There was some avalanche risk, so we had to keep stopping to cross over paths one person at a time, which takes forever when you have 20 people. It was also around this time that the snow turned to hail and the only thing that kept me warm was my body shaking with laughter from seeing all the drawings of genitalia my comrades were making in the snow while waiting for their turn to cross. Eventually the hail stopped pounding my face and the scenery changed dramatically.

Somehow the path spilt out into hills overlooking a massive lake. Of course that didn't last long as you soon descend down some stairs and end up in the middle of a rainforest. Even after two weeks I am in awe of the raw beauty and diversity of this place. As a wise man named Donkey Dick once stated, it's like Mother Earth made a greatest hits collection and called it New Zealand. Actually, I made up that entire line other than the greatest hits portion, I just enjoy making you read the name donkey dick over and over.

You're worried about me being cold in the last picture? Darlin you should worry about the snow, cus I'm so hot that it melted.

Volcano, plains, rainforest... all within 30 minutes of walking distance. So beautiful

After making our way out of the forest, the hike was completed. We were all soaking wet, cold, and hungry, but luckily for us the hiking company was on top of things and had an ice cold beer waiting for us. Good ole Stella Artois, one of my favorite ladies.

The tour company eventually took us back to the hostel and we made our way to our room, which appeared to be occupied as 4 of the 6 beds were claimed and there were three of us. However, it turned out that only three of the beds were occupied and the fourth bed was just messed up because the kiwis threw all their shit up there. Of course I was the last one of us to enter the room so I got stuck with the shitty bed... Selfish German and Irish bastards!

After dumping our bags, we headed to the hot tubs for some much needed heat and relaxation. That hot tub was the most amazing place in the world, not because I was cold and tired from being hit in the face by hail pellets all day, but because I had a legit reason to take my shirt off again. After a relaxing evening of drinking beer and watching rugby, we awoke the next morning and started to make our way towards Wellington, which is the capital of New Zealand. But first we dropped off Susan at a farm and saw some newborn calves!

The Crazy Eyes Cow!!!!

QUIT STARING AT ME!!!!!!

Words cannot describe the terror and love that I feel towards Crazy Eyes, but all good things must come to an end and I was forced to leave my fellow creeper behind. Wellington was getting pounded by earthquakes in the days leading up to our arrival, but I didn't notice any that struck whilst there. What I did notice was that Wellington is all about Lord of the Rings (I'm a nerd, deal with it!). Karlyn took us past the giant green screen used for special effects and the production studio that houses three giant troll statues.

Not even the rabies could stop me from getting an erection at the site of these beautiful creatures

I can only imagine how many people wish this troll could actually stomp my face in

Unfortunately for me, the more attractive one is on the right. :'(

After checking out the trolls, we went to the main museum in Wellington - Te Papa, which was amazing. Definitely one of the better museums I've been too and it was completely free. That night we all got pretty drunk at the hostel bar because they had trivia and the prize was a $75 bar tab. After winning under the team name "Lord of My Ring" (yes that means something naughty), we procured 15 shots. A few of us also got up on one of the bar ledges and started dancing, making complete assess out of themselves... alright it was just me and Daniel. I can't say I remember everything that happened, but I woke up alive the next morning with an acceptable level of hangover. Which was great, since it was 6 am and the ferry to the south island left at 7. Would I survive the four hour voyage without vomiting? That my friends is a story for another blog.

Group Photos: