New Zealand Tingles

Dear Diary,

It’s been 47 days since I crashed on this island and been in contact with human civilization.  My urine has taken on a cottage cheese like texture and I accidentally ate my stool, because it looked like a melted snickers bar, so I now have that festering on my upper lip.  I also fear I may have contracted rabies, because I haven’t had an erection for nine years.  The only things I have left with me are an old cassette tape of Celine Dion's, "My Heart Will Go On", a lottery ticket with the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 (I wonder if I won or if the numbers are cursed), and a well placed eye patch. I just hope someone finds me before the madness sets in (nervous laughter).

Oh wait, this is my blog and not my diary. Sorry about that. After spending a few final days in America with my brother in Los Angeles, I departed for Auckland, New Zealand! All I have with me are two bags, one with clothes and one with cameras and a computer. The flight in on Air New Zealand is legit.  You get dinner, wine, more wine, hot breakfast, candy, and touchscreen TVs with new movies like Oblivion, Silver Linings Playbook, The Croods, etc.  They also have really weird safety movies starring celebrities such as Bear Grylls, Hobbits, and Richard Simmons.  

The New Zealand Skyline (So happy I splurged on a nice camera)

My only downfall was that I may or may not have forgotten to wear deodorant before parting, so my armpits smelled like a pair of skunks going to war against each other. That of course was not enough to stop the women of New Zealand from tingling out of control upon my arrival.  I got extremely lucky on this trip, because one of my old college roommates, Tally, and her husband Will, live in Auckland! They were kind enough to pick me up at the airport and let me crash at their place for a week. Hopefully my night terrors don't upset their sleeping patterns...

After getting settled, I spent my first day hiking through town to get a feel for it.  I made my way through the city centre and then back down through some various parks.  Being the idiot that I am, I also needed to venture to an electronics store to get some outlet converters, since I got the wrong ones before leaving.  Universe 97, Slowe 0.  A few minutes later I passed a statue of Moses, which is located in a park directly below a street where prostitution, which is legal, thrives.  

I took this as a sign, picked up some cardboard and made my own sign reading, "GigaLowe, Ready to Service You".  (Pleased to be at your service, Service with a smile, I will do you for 12 dollars...I could go all day [That last one was both saying I could make those lines all day and also stating I could use the line, "I could go all day", for the sign.  I believe in grammar that's referred to as onomatopoeia])  However, despite my best efforts, there were no takers...what a waste of three days!  Dejected and lonely, I listlessly moved onward like the street walker I had become.

You broke my spirits and shattered my dreams Moses

I also made my way through a larger park that houses a war museum, duck ponds, fern gardens, and several soccer/rugby fields.  It's definitely a city that is made for walking around as there are trails, parks, and fields everywhere you go.  It's also super hilly, so you are pretty much guaranteed to sweat as you walk around. Luckily, when you are as hot as I am, the sweat evaporates instantly, no big deal.

Cool little duck pond

This duck was creepy, it gave me the stink eye and kept following me around...

Since it's winter in New Zealand, I was hoping to find some pretty ladies to share a little warmth with me, but these two were stone cold...but at least I got to see their boobies

The botanical gardens entryway was pretty fancy

Cool war monument at the museum, which was roughly the size of my penis...before the rabies set in

For my second day, Tally recommended catching a ferry to an old volcanic island called Rangitoto.  It was super cheap at about $25 round trip and you were allowed free roam on the island, so you just pick one of the paths available and go for it without any supervision.  You just have to make sure you are back before the ferry leaves at 3:30, otherwise you are stuck on the island for the night without food or shelter, but I'm not that stupid am I?  I decided to make my way up to the summit so I could practice doing some time lapses with my camera.

Rangitoto Island!

The paths were either through the woods or through volcanic rock piles.  This felt like scenery from a Robert Frost poem

It's about an hour to get to the top, but once you get there it's awesome.  You have spectacular 360 views of the world around you.

View of Auckland from the top of Rangitoto

View of another island from the summit

The bright green island

After hanging out one island for the day I made my way back down and caught the ferry on time!  I made sure I got on the top deck, so I could take photographs of the amazing scenery.

Sailboats are extremely popular in New Zealand

New Zealand Skyline from the bay

After making my way back into town, Tally took me out to catch the sunset along the beach.  New Zealand does not fall short in terms of spectacular scenery.

Skyline Sunset

Beach Sunset

I'm going to start adding random GoPro pics to the bottom of my blog.  The GoPro is a fun little action camera, but it also takes really cool photos.  It has a fish eye lense, so the images get warped around the edges and look funky.  Enjoy!

Walking around the city centre

Random picture

My hair is ridiculous, but I refuse to cut it!

Skyline from the ferry

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I suppose you'll find out on my next blog...