Hobbiton and My Last Days in NZ

I tried to lay low on my first few days back in Auckland to save a little bit of cash, so I stayed at the Nomads in a 12-bed hostel room.  Luckily the guy in the bed below me was a loud, snoring hippie and I was suffering from a cold, so it was the perfect setup.  After a few nights there, I made my way back to Tally and Will's.  I only got to see Tally for a day, because she was actually headed back to the States, but Will and I held down the fort.  There were also a full moon one night (during which I developed large patches of facial hair and Teen Wolf like leaping abilities), so I decided to see how detailed of a shot my big camera could get.

Moon. Dark. Dangerous

Zoomed in baby! It totally looks like the Death Star

Moon. Bright. Alright.

Oh baby, I'm howlin for you...(Black Keys reference, drink!)

During a free day I decided to walk into Peterpans travel agency since some of the guys on the Stray trip had used them and seemed to get pretty good deals. I ended up booking my Greyhound bus pass and tons of activities in advance.  Perhaps a little spontaneous, but I've done the travel game on my own, so I figured if nothing else it would be interesting to see how it goes using a travel agency.  I did calculate the costs and it saved me $60 to book through them versus booking everything online, plus I had to do no research and got a bunch of free food/drink vouchers.  The next day I decided to purchase my plane ticket to Sydney... It's kind of terrifying that I've spent nearly $2000 on my Australia trip and I'm not even there yet.  But my travel motto is (I wish it were true), "Fuck it, I'm rich".

That weekend Will took me to Piha, which is famous for it's black sand beaches.  The wind was pretty extreme when we got there , so we tried to get to the opposite side of a giant lion shaped rock for shelter.  Along the way we had cross a mini-stream, but you can't see where you are stepping in the murky water and I reached a point where I expected to walk flat, but there was really a huge dip in the ground.  Thus my foot keep falling until I was knee deep into the water and my ensuing lack of coordination and balance resulted in me dropping the hand carrying my shoes into the water, leaving them super-soaked.  It's not easy being a spaz.  I was however, able to get a pretty sweet time lapse before we decided it was too cold for a beach day.

Lion Rock

Later that night we went to an international Rugby match, as the All Blacks (New Zealand) tilted against South Africa.  Rugby is the premier sport in New Zealand so I wanted to attend a live match and determine how it stacks up to American sports.  Twas a great atmosphere at the stadium with the fans cheering, flame balls firing off, and the All Blacks performing their famous Haka ritual.  However, I have to say that I was a little disappointed in the presentation otherwise.

It's not like American sports where you have cheerleaders and a halftime show/games taking place.  There's not random giveaways or people throwing stuff into the crowds.  They also don't walk up and down the bleachers with popcorn, pretzels, or cotton candy.  Instead they walk around hawking donuts.  I wanted a donut, but for $5, I just couldn't commit to making that big of a purchase at this point in my life, seeing as I'm jobless, homeless, and burning through my savings.  The people of Auckland were also pretty rude going in and out of the stadium.  There's no concern for the personal bubble as people somehow think they'll get better results by throwing forearms into your back versus saying, "Pardon me, can you move forward a few inches".  There's a bubble people, respect it.  Respect the god damned bubble.

All Blacks Pregame Pyrotechnics...my iPhone camera is a little messed up (Damn you Candice)

I think it's safe to say that most adult males and a surprisingly high number of women have a weird desire to go to Hobbiton.  I was so pumped to go as it was the only thing left on my New Zealand bucket list, the only thing that I HAD to do.  The tour companies/brochures on display try to scam you by selling you a Hobbiton package which is over $250, but if you search online you can find it for $150.  However, Victoria had given me a heads up that you can take the bus for 40 bucks and then just by a ticket to get into Hobbiton for $75, so you can do it for $115.  Suck it tour companies!  I'm not being cheap, I'm just being poor.

Welcome to Hobbiton bitch! (O.C. reference, drink!)

I think one of the best things about Hobbiton is that you're a nerd for going, but you don't feel like a nerd at all, because let's be honest, everyone is jealous you went there...It's socially acceptable nerdism

Our tour guide was pretty average.  He would talk for a minute, give you 5-10 minutes for photos, then tell you to meet him at the next spot.  I have heard the other tour guides are way bigger LOTR freaks and give you all sorts of crazy facts, so it's probably just luck of the draw.  The weather was perfect on the day that I went, so I got some incredible photos.  You can only enter one of the Hobbit holes and it's actually not fully built out, roughly 1.5 meters deep.  They were only built to show hobbits entering/exiting their homes.  We also got to see Bag End, home of Bilbo/Frodo, but you can't go inside or even past the gate.  I was a little disappointed by this, as I really wanted to see a furnished Hobbit hole with some movie props.

The last really cool thing to do is hit up the pub, The Green Dragon!  They have two beers, a cider, and a soda that are all unique to Hobbiton.  You only get one, so I went with cider as I haven't had one in a few months.  After you're drink it's time to leave, so you're really only on the tour for about 90 minutes.  It's pretty cool, pretty damn large, and you get amazing photos.  I don't think it's a must-see site for everyone in New Zealand, but it's pretty damn cool if you like the movies.

Bag End, home of Bilbo and Frodo

The landscape of Hobbiton is amazing

I am kicking ass with my camera on this photo

This is my James Van Der Beek Dawson's Creek Pose

This is my Jean Claude Van Damme I look good pose

The Green Dragon Pub

Finally, we get to enter a room; Even better yet, a room full of booze!

I hung out with British Dan a couple times during my final week as well since he works in Auckland.  We did a photo exchange and went gambling at the casino inside Sky Tower.  I was crushing it in Roulette, as I was running probabilities based on color, number quadrants, and odd/evens. I literally more than quadrupled my money in an hour...bad news was I only started with 20 bucks :'(.  I had similar luck in Baccarat, but then ended up going to a 3 card poker table and lost all my money in 5 hands.  Worst odds ever that game, but it was a valuable lesson in mathematics.  It's basically a game of high risk, high reward, but if you lose a hand, you essentially lose $30.  If you win, you only get $10 unless the dealer gets better than a Queen high or you get a pair, then you get more money.  So if you lose 3 times in a row, you are out $90.  In other words, avoid 3 card poker, as the payout scale/odds are one of the worst you can find.  To my friend Olson back in the states, you introduced me to this terrible game... you're a piece of shit.

Everyone gathers to watch sailing races in New Zealand...that's right....Sailing

This was my greatest find in New Zealand.  I've been working on a Screenplay of Nicolas Cage's life for the past 9 years, it's titled: UnCaged. My tagline is, "He's a National Treasure known as the Lord of War.  He will Rock your Face/Off and Next be Gone in 60 Seconds because he's Bangkok Dangerous... In other words, he's Kick-Ass" (Drink x 8)

Prior to leaving I had pre-purchased a grabone deal for a skydive, but unfortunately the weather didn't cooperate during my final week, so I wasn't able to go on it.  However, since Will and Tally let me crash with them for so long, I was able to give them a little something back for their hospitality.  Hopefully it works out well as Will's sister and her husband were coming into town the week I was leaving.   If the worst things that happened to me in New Zealand were missing out on the skydive and having my Kindle break, I'd say I'm a pretty lucky dude.  I was sad to see my time in New Zealand come to an end as I absolutely loved it, but it was time for me to explore a new continent, Australia! I wish I could tell you more, but that my friends is a story for another blog...

Hobbiton Overflow

Tree on top of Bag End

You can see Bilbo running through this area in the Hobbit

This set was built for the Hobbit film and apparently didn't make the movie...perhaps it will make the extended version

Vintage Signage

Hobbiton

I look huge, I'm not sure if it's related to the size of the Hobbit hole or if I just always look that breathtaking...

Such a lovely day and it's nothing more than ordinary...(Lit reference, drink!)

The Green Dragon

Pretty sweet bar logo

Cider...in a Hobbit sized portion

Bar Challenge

Booze Options

Hobbit houses

Clouds reflecting on the lake

Even the information center is set up like a hut from Middle Earth

Smeagollum

Random GoPros

Lion's Rock

The Black Sands of Piha

Sometimes the GoPro's wide angle lense just kills it...so much cooler than the same pic from my big camera

The Elder Tree 

Pond across from The Green Dragon

Bag End

Wide Angle shot of Hobbiton 

In this photo I haven't showered in 2 days and I am totally pulling it off

Perfect weather

Party area outside the bar

Join me for a brew!

Seriously...sailing is not this cool NZ (en zed)

P.S. If you drank during all those drink references and you don't feel drunk... well that likely means that you're an alcoholic and you should probably go to rehab. This was your intervention.

A Leap of Faith

I’ll seer my name into the skies

I’ll soar to fame before your eyes

I’ll not sit back and watch as the flame of my youth dies

Someday I’ll wake as an old man, realizing time has passed me by

But still I’ll see my name, burning in the azure skies

Wishing I was a bird that could catch the time that flies

But I am still young, and to my youth, I’ll say no goodbyes

It’s time for me to make my mark, it’s time for me to rise

It’s time for me to claim the world, to mark it as my prize

It’s time for me to etch my name into the eternal skies

- Seanonymous Legend, 67 and a half B.C.


I think it's now clear that there is no way to open a post more ruggedly or manly than with a poem. I spent my last few days in Auckland going on hikes and visiting some tourist attractions. The city is pretty easy (and cheap) to get around using public buses. 



My first destination was the Auckland Museum, which is free to get in, but accepts optional donations.  I am an exhibit of human perfection, so I considered my presence the greatest donation they've ever received.  I was completely blown away by how nice and vast their collection was.  They had an awesome ocean exhibit and tons of artifacts from Maori culture.  It's also interesting to know that New Zealand was the last country to be occupied by people.  It was completely desolate until 700 years ago.  In case it hasn't been made clear, my blog endorses two things: presenting factual, educational information and promoting respect for women (Mates reference, drink!).

This little dude was awesome, he looks creepier than Bruce Jenner after a Botox injection

I was shirtless in front of this with a sign reading Ship and Dales

A replica Maori meeting house

After making my way through the museum, I hiked up to Mount Eden, which is an old volcano and the highest natural point in Auckland.  It's height is said to rival that of my ego, but I think it pales in comparison. When you get to the top you see a massive crater in the ground with the skyscrapers of the city peaking up in the background.  After doing some time lapses at mount Eden for a few hours, I hiked back down and attempted to upload some photos. However, I've learned how slow New Zealand internet is, so I quickly gave up and accepted I would have to wait until I get to Australia to have fast internet.  

The crater of Mount Eden, one third the size of the smallest one on my face

The next day we went out on a hike along the coast. Our crew consisted of Tally, Will, Kat, Katie, Kevin, and the baby Elliot. New Zealand is so badass and hardcore outdoorsy that even babies get after it.   We started our trek by going down a shitload of stairs and I just kept thinking, I am going to have to climb these on the way back, because the path wasn't a loop.  After the 5000 steps at Machu Picchu/Huayna Picchu, I have a lifelong aversion towards climbing long staircases, but since I was still on the downhill I reveled in the respite.   

This kid looks like a total douche

Random beach inlet

Our trek was absolutely stunning wrapping around cliffs and hills along the coast, with the ocean spread out before us. I tried my best to keep my camera in my bag and not be that guy that takes a million photos, but every view is stunning, so how can you not?  After hiking for a few hours, we stopped for some lunch and trekked back to the beginning and climbed the dreaded steps to get back to our cars.  I was wet, cramping up, and super whiny, but after a little bit of rest we stopped by a bird cove and then headed back to Auckland.

Cliffside Wanderers

Still working on my action photo skills, here's a bird in flight

Tally randomly got an email alert for a TreatMe deal (New Zealand groupon), for half price bungy jumps off the Auckland bridge, which is 40 meters or about 132 feet for you dumb ass Americans.  It was clearly destiny calling me, so I decided to take the plunge on my final day in Auckland.  Would I live to write about it in my blog Find out by reading the next few paragraphs!  

On the day of my jump, it was pouring with rain.  If there's one thing I've learned it's that New Zealand weather is more unpredictable than my herpes outbreaks.  It can be a perfectly sunny day, then pour rain for two hours, be sunny, pour again, etc. The temperature drops and rises with the sun, so one minute it can be as warm and inviting as Thai hooker's thighs and the next as cold as the heart of the pimp that slaps her. There was only one other kid from Denmark jumping at the same time as me, so together we marched across a freezing cold bridge in the downpour to get to the jumping platform.

As I got out on the platform I saw, what I would estimate to be, an eleven year old girl freaking out and crying in preparation for her jump. After a few more seconds of staring I began realizing it was just a mirror. Thus I wiped clear my soggy cheeks and set out to conquer my fears. I watched my newly found Danish friend scream as he leaped and set myself up to take the fall where he once stood.  With a carefully placed adult diaper and enough deodorant to cover a heard of elephants caking my armpits, I walked to the platform to take the harsh hurl into the raging ocean.  As you stare out into the water and realize how far up you are, the only thing going through your mind is, "Holy shit, this is crazy"!  Then you smile, wave at the camera, and take the soft dive towards oblivion.

 

Everything's gonna be just fine, said my pen to the dotted line as I signed a death waver before jumping

Taking the leap in a UNI t-shirt.  GO PANTHERS!

WOOOOOOOO!

Is it over already, after just four seconds? (That's what she said... super sad face, Charlie Brown walkaway)

Taking that plunge is electrifying and terrifying, and is quickly followed by a scream of "Oh fuck!" as some of you heard in the video I uploaded to Facebook. In 4 seconds I raced to the water before being flung back into the air just inches before touching it. With my adrenaline at an all time high, I finished bouncing and released the cord holding my legs in place.  One thing they don't tell you before jumping: wear thick pants. There is an extra harness around your pelvis to pull you up after you jump so with only a thin layer of mesh between the harness and my crotch, my balls were twisted into a vice grip that was torturous and unrelentingly unforgiving.  Harness 1, Chances of having functioning sperm 0.

Not a bad final day in Auckland, but I soon had to pack for my next excursion. I can't thank Tally and Will enough for letting me crash with them, feeding me, giving me rides, and so much advice on what to do.  You guys are awesome!  For my next adventures I joined a hop on/ hop off bus tour that will take about a month to cover both the north and south islands.  But that my friends, is a story for another blog.

Random GoPros