The boat docked into Ko Tao at 7 am, so I had breakfast while waiting for the ticket shops to open and then booked a ticket to Ko Phangan for 3 in the afternoon, since you have to arrive a few days in advance of the full moon parties to procure a room. It was the easiest haggle of my life, I asked the lady if I could get the ticket for 400 baht instead of 450 and she was just like ok, plus she let me store my big bag while I wandered the island.
I was able to wander to the main beach on the island and was amazed by the views and overall cleanliness of the place. The water there is unbelievably clear and has the multiple hues of blue that I love so much. I really wish I had more time there so I could do my open water diving certification. You could do it for between $250-$280, which included accommodation and breakfast for 4 days. Most other places it's around $370 and often doesn't include accommodation, Australia would be between $600-800. I guess I'll just have to make my way back in the future! I also had the most amazing chocolate banana fruit shake, it was life changing. I got Garlic naan, Thai vegetarian red curry (which for some reason contained a 500 grams of chicken) and that shake for 165 baht.... Roughly $5.
 |
| Koh Tao! |
 |
| The beach is clean because trash is dumped into this forest apparently...The entire back half is cardboard boxes |
 |
| A little jealous of the rich bastards that can afford to stay in that hotel... |
 |
| Definitely want to come back and do some diving here |
 |
| Now this is the view you should expect from a bar!!!! |
Once I took my boat over to Ko Pha Ngan (alternatively spelled Pha-ngan or Phangan), Peppe was waiting to pick me up with the scooter like a legit tuk-tuk driver. He also found a pretty sweet hostel for 200 baht a night, which was crazy cheap because most places double or triple their prices before the big parties. We checked out a makeshift market, which operates once a week by shutting down a few blocks in order to erect vendor stalls. Then we grabbed dinner at the night market. That place is amazing. Sushi is 10 baht, so 3 pieces of sushi is less than a dollar...I ate it every day. A plate of Pad Thai was 30-40 baht. And the fruit shakes were only 30 baht each. You could get up to four different pieces of fruit in them. Fruit and ice, occasionally some milk. Healthy and delicious, I drink one or two a day and love it.
That night we took the scooter up north and then ended up going to a bar near our hostel. Upon learning I was American, the bar hostess immediately yelled at her girls, thus we were joined in our game of pool by a pair of prostitutes. Another thing I've been dying to check off my bucket list. I can't even make this stuff up, life is so random when you're a professional backpacker.
Day two involved taking the scooter out to some waterfalls, which we proceeded to climb down for fun. We also witnessed some of the worst scooter injuries I've ever imagined. One girl's leg was completely covered in blood, with giant chunks of flesh missing from both knees. The look of pain and anguish on her face was like nothing I've ever seen, but luckily there was help on the scene and none of her injuries were life-threatening. We also took a journey out to a bar called Amsterdam, where you could buy weed directly from the bar. In a country where using drugs can lead to the death penalty, I find it strangely ironic how you can get drugs so easily. After hanging out at Amsterdam bar for a little while, we headed back to the hostel for a few swigs of rum and then headed to the Jungle Experience, which was a massive party in the middle of the jungle.
 |
| Who can resist smiling when they see two dogs playing on the beach? Well I mean other than Kim Jong-un and Satan |
 |
| Random lookout point |
 |
| Waterfalls are normal for me now, just normal everyday bits of scenery |
It was a little pricy to get in at 300 baht ($10), but we figured how often do you get to party in the jungle. A huge space was cleared out, so there were bars set up in congruence with the DJs blaring techno music. Getting a drink was a huge hassle as there were maybe ten bartenders to serve several thousand people, but that's why you buy buckets! For reasons unknown as we were dancing amongst the crowd, some British girl couldn't stop staring at me. I mean of course this is normal for me, seeing as I'm ridiculously good looking, but it was super weird because she was there with her boyfriend.
 |
| Into the mouth of the lion |
After I stopped dancing with crazy eyes, an Italian girl we met was like yeah, that's super weird she's still staring at you, you should probably find another girl here, one that isn't here with her boyfriend. A few moments later when I asked her where her boyfriend had went off to, she leaned in and whispered, "Oh, he's not my boyfriend". I'm not sure if it's because I trimmed back my unibrow or wiped before pulling my underpants back up that day, but for a few brief moments I had game son! When the buckets come out and the DJs start spinning, well tables they turn sometimes! Peppe and I stayed out until 6 AM and then rolled back to our hostel to get a few hours of sleep before heading down to the main beach for the pre-full moon party.
The pre-party was built around competitions; Including sand volleyball, soccer, and of course a bikini contest. There was also a sexy man contest, which got hijacked by a dude with a Santa thong. He got interviewed by the host after coming on stage and said he was Frank de Tank, which was pretty damn funny. We also hit up one of the greatest buffets I've ever been to in my life. For less than $10, you could eat unlimited grilled meats, fish, and prawns (shrimp). In addition they had salad, potato salad, spring rolls, and a few other appetizers. My only downfall was that my stomach has shrunken smaller than that of an anorexic gnat's, since I eat the minimum amount of food needed for survival. Thus my ability to gorge was rather paltry. After the buffet we roamed for a few hours, but then decided to have an early night back at the hostel since we were planning on getting crazy drunk the following night for New Year's Eve.
 |
| Bikini Contest |
Since it was our last day on the island we decided to do a big tour. Thus we ventured out to climb another waterfall and hike around the surrounding woods to get to a lookout point. We also checked out some Buddhist temples and finally drove to one last lookout point before heading to a restaurant to get a fruit shake. When we got to the restaurant, we noticed the tide was low and some people were hiking on a patch of sand that had risen out of the ocean , so we walked a hundred meters or so through the jellyfish laden waters to end up on the mini island.
 |
| Climbing Waterfalls |
 |
| Watch your step... |
 |
| They call it a full moon for a reason!!! |
 |
| My gong song...Not quite as epic as Sisqo's Thong Song (We both know you're youtubing that song right now....) |
 |
| Enter the Dragon |
 |
| Maybe someday I'll follow this and be goody goody....but right now I'm feeling naughty naughty |
 |
| This is so the creepiest statue ever, it's all skeletal and veiny, my god it's like looking into my future |
 |
| This is where I want to have my fortress of solitude |
 |
| View from a random pier |
 |
| Lookout Point |
 |
| Random patch of beach that rose from the ocean |
 |
| I love islands...so flawless |
 |
| Jelly!!!!!!! |
After getting back to the hostel and showering, we got some M150 to mix with our bottle of vodka, which we proceeded to empty in 30 minutes...probably a terrible decision as we both went to an epic level of blackout drunk. We were supposed to have a Gili Hostel reunion with Daphne at a bar that looked like a ship, but we couldn't find her in the midst of the huge crowd, well that and the fact we were both shitfaced beyond redemption. I vaguely recall scaling the ship wall in our attempts to find her, but it's all a blur, so who knows if that memory is real or imagined. Sometimes I'm not sure how I'm still alive.
At some point we ran into some Dutch girls that we also shared a room with at Gili Hostel...crazy small world. In their drunken state of confusion, they found me attractive, oh beer goggles, how I love thee. So my New Years started off by sharing a few kisses with a pretty Dutch girl, not too shabby eh! I was so drunk, I don't remember meeting them, and I'm not sure I even realized they were the same girls from the hostel until the next day. At one point, she started leaning into me really hard as we were kissing and I was so drunk I lost my balance and we went tumbling into the sand. That's the risk you take ladies!!!!
The next thing I remember is roaming the beach by myself and realizing Peppe was gone and I should probably go find him. I have no idea what happened to the Dutch girls, as I was blacked out during the part where they left me or I left them, who knows. I wandered around for what seemed like forever, but was probably about twenty minutes, in the massive crowd of 50,000 people and couldn't find him. Just when I was about to give up, I ran into him on the street. We went back down to the beach to grab some egg rolls and then decided we should just head back to the hostel.
I was drunkenly asking cabbies if we could throw the scooter in the back of their truckbed, to which the universal answer was no. However, at some point Peppe decided he could drive, so we hopped on the scooter, which was probably the scarriest/most dangerous thing I've done yet. The roads in Ko Phangan are insanely hilly and curvy, so with the combination of drunkenness, other drunk drivers, and taxis driving people all over the place, it was an accident waiting to happen... Our accident came when all of a sudden all the cars stopped while we were going uphill, so Peppe had to slam on the brakes and as we came to a stop, the moped fell over on him. Having sobered slightly to the level of a highly functioning alcoholic, I was able to catch myself without falling to the ground.
The funniest moments came when we woke up the next morning and realized neither of us remembered what happened the night before, other than the Dutch girls and the scooter incident. Then Peppe opened up his phone to see if he took any pictures and sure enough there were loads of us doing poses with random people, wandering the beach, and a video with Peppe screaming, "Happy New Year, I Love You" at every living creature and probably some imaginary ones that crossed his path. At one point a girl just asks him if he's ok, it was awesome.
Peppe's iPhone Photos
 |
| Playing pool with some Thai hookers...yeahhhhh |
 |
| I have mad game with prostitutes, they all want me... |
 |
| Let's drink for this time we have earned :) |
 |
| "Happy New Year Everyone, I Love You" |
 |
| 2 for me, 1 for you bro!!! |
 |
| Between Peppe's hat and my Hello Kitty sunglasses, we were accessorizing like real badasses!!! |
 |
| No clue who this dude is, but he's clearly pretty awesome |
 |
| We apparently went to give some love to the people at the amazing buffet! |
 |
| You should always be afraid of where your girl will be, cus who knows she could be alone with me.... :p |
It was also around this time that I was informed that I was covered in body paint, though I have no recollection of that happening. I also spent around 700 baht, which will remain a mystery. After grabbing breakfast, we headed down to the docks because our boat to Ko Tao left at noon. I wanted to go to Ko Samui, but the boats were all full, so I figured I might as well go to Ko Tao since I could get to Bangkok cheaper from there. Once we arrived, we struggled, but eventually found a hostel as nearly everything was full.
We roamed the beaches for a while and then I went on a quest to find a boat to Chumpon so I could bus/train from there to Bangkok. However it turned out that the train option was booked through the next 9 days and the bus for the next 3, so my only option was to go back south to Surratthani and then bus to Bangkok from there. This option cost an extra 500 baht ($17), but it was the only way I would have enough time to see Bangkok before heading to the elephant sanctuary. Effin tourist peak season!!! The journey didn't exactly go as the itinerary stated, but that is a story for another blog....
Random GoPros
 |
| Ko Tao |
 |
| Para Para Paradise... |
 |
| How did mankind stare at the sun and moon, see they were both giant round balls and then assume the Earth was flat... For hundreds of years. That's always struck me as odd |
 |
| Just a friendly cat taking a nap in the grocery store... |
 |
| Ko Pha Ngan |
 |
| Someday this tree will stand in my shadow.... |
 |
| Waterfallin |
 |
| Paths are for pansies, real men climb!!!! |
 |
| The world's a jungle gym, play with it |
 |
| Lookout Point |
 |
| Some pics just look way cooler with a gopro |
 |
| The Scooter |
 |
| Back on Ko Tao |
 |
| I'll be back again...someday |
 |
| Happy New Year everyone!!! I hope 2014 finds you with everything you've been hoping for... |
Jellyfish video
