Thaislands

First of all....Thailando Calrisian.  Second of all...Blogger said it was saving my changes...it was not.  This is the second time I had to write this, so it's all sorts of lazy.  

When flying into Thailand, I scoured the internet for the cheapest possible option, which meant flying from Kuala Lumpur to the little known city of Hat Yai.  I literally did no research ahead of going there, but figured I would be able to get to my destination of Krabi by some sort of bus.  When I arrived and got ready to go through immigration, my eyes caught sight of the signs stating you needed to show your ticket out of Thailand in addition to your passport.  Being a professional backpacker, I did not have this, because I wanted to be flexible on when I was going to leave.  Luckily they didn't care and I got through just fine!

I ended up meeting a guy from Germany, Nikolaus, that was also planning to go to Krabi, so we set out on our adventure together.  We booked everything at the airport, with prices that made no sense.  It was 350 baht to get a 30 minute cab from the airport to the mini-bus pickup spot in town and 400 baht for the five hour drive to Krabi.  During our bus ride, I'm also about 90% sure I saw a drug deal go down.  Our mini-bus randomly stopped at a random stall on the side of the road and got out of the car to go talk to someone.  During this time, another guy came up and started reaching under the front seat, while grinning and staring into the back of the van.  He did this twice, before sauntering back from whence he came.  Two stops later, the driver got out and checked under the front passenger seat and afterwards threw an envelope behind the stick shift of the car... So yeahhhhh, pretty sure something went down.

Arriving in Thailand was shocking to me, because it was way more advanced than I imagined.  They have running water everywhere, paved roads, nice vehicles, fast internet, good accommodation.  I was imagining a very poor and dirty country, but that's not the case at all, it's actually pretty well developed.  Krabi was tiny, had a cool night food market, but seemed to be more of a transport hub to go do other stuff. There were tons of day trips out of Krabi, as well as boats/buses leaving to Phi Phi, Tonsai, and Railey Beach at regular intervals.  After one night there, Nikolaus and I went our separate ways as we went to different islands.  I made my way to Ko Phi Phi, which is known for it's brilliant views and wild partying.

Crafty Krabi Crab Claw (You can't say it 5 times fast!!!)

I was praying this wasn't my boat to Phi Phi

Phi Phi was packed with tourists, so it was difficult to find a hostel, but after about 20 minutes of wandering around I found a 17 bed dorm room for 250 baht.  Did I stay there because it was named after a Nic Cage movie, The Rock?  Of course!  And like a Nic Cage movie it left me disappointed and desiring to have my money back.  After dumping my bags I hiked up to the viewpoint to catch the sunset, but the spot was packed with tourists, taking away from the natural beauty of the place.  It was a precursor of what Thailand would be like for me as I apparently came during the peak tourist season.  

After climbing back down I met up with Italian Peppe from my Indonesia trip to catch the fire shows that occur on the beach.  They have the basic fire juggling acts, but they also have jump roping with a giant piece of fiery rope.  Southeast Asia is nuts!  We also hit up a bar called Stoned, where we rocked that joint...if you know what I'm saying.

Phonetically you'd think Phi Phi was pronounced Fee Fee, but it's actually pronounced Pee Pee, like as in my wiener

Lookout Point #1, not bad

Lookout Point #2, Amazing!  Never tried to catch sunsets back home, no I try and catch every one.

Fire show (sorry for the poor quality - iPhone)

The next day I had the option of paying for a tour of the surrounding archipelago, including the island where they filmed The Beach, or hiking around the island for free.  Ergo, I chose option two since I'm poor as fuck and look like shit.  I journeyed past the two lookout points from the night before and ended up at a secret third lookout point, but the view wasn't as good as the second.  Then I made my way down to Runtee Bay, which involved hiking through the mosquito infested forest for 20 minutes.  I was rewarded for my efforts though as it was a secluded stretch of beach with hardly any tourists and the Dutch ones that were there hooked me up with some fried shrimp.  People are too damn nice to me!

Secret Lookout Point 3!  Not as good as 2

You have to love the jungle paths, the steps are just roots

Runtee Bay, definitely worth the effort, not worth the mossie bites

A Slice of Life is right...

Eventually I started making my way back, but decided to just take another random path and see where it led.  I ended up going down some dirt roads before finding some cars, even though the island is not really supposed to have vehicles.  I also loved knowing I made it back to the main part of the island solely based on the fact that locals that run around with wooden carts literally yell, "BEEP, BEEP!" nonstop because they don't have actual horns.  

That night I was pretty tired from my full day of hiking so I declined to go out...Also there was a group of four dudes in the room that were just huge tools and I didn't want to be associated with them in public.  They rolled in at 3 in the morning and decided they needed to scream their conversation to each other for an hour even though they were in parallel beds.  At one point a girl asked them to please talk outside, of which their response was to completely ignore her.  Typical obnoxious Englishmen!!!  Always bothers me when people disregard others, like they're super cool and their drunken conversations are real treat to everyone.  To be fair though, I couldn't care less about them being loud, because I'm used to the hostel life...well that and the fact that mosquitoes were treating my body like an all you can eat buffet, so I had no chance at sleep anyways.  I would love to see Phi Phi in the low tourist season, because after being to the Gili Islands, Phi Phi was basically just a dirtier, more touristy version, so I wasn't that impressed.

There are 9 more bites in the folds of my neck fat.  67 on my left arm alone, close to 200 total

The next day I bought a ferry ticket to Phuket, so I could get there a few days ahead of Christmas and have a base for the holidays.  Before catching the boat I asked a few girls where to stay and they told me Patong Beach, so that was the mini-bus I hopped on when I arrived.  Luckily one of the guys on the bus had already been there, so I followed him over to Kool Backpackers, which was on Bangla Road, which is the center of all of Phuket's madness.  The hostel guys ended up putting me in a room with a group of three people that accidentally booked the full 6 bed dorm, instead of just the beds they needed.  Since they had already paid, I just paid them for the room.  I could have switched to a cheaper dorm after the first night, but I figured I'd suck up the extra 50 baht a night and help them out.  After all, it's Christmas time!

Thus my roommates were two Asian Aussies, Nick and Sarah, as well as a Brit, Alex.  Nick and I decided to grab a few beers and orient ourselves with the area while the others took a nap.  We ended up at a bar that had a bunch of stripper poles and sure enough some Go-go dancers showed up.  The moves some of the girls were doing on the stripper pole didn't seem possible, strength wise, for your average woman, leading us to speculate as to whether they were actually lady boys.  We'll never know for sure, but if they would have hit on Nick we could have been sure they were indeed.  He was a lady boy magnet, much to his chagrin. 

No clue what this creature is supposed to be or how it's related to Christmas, but when in Thailand...

A lot of the clubs on Bangla Road have stripper poles, this one even had a twerking machine that girls could stand on that would make their asses shake....I mean not that I know from being in there, that's just what I heard from the other guys.....yeahhhhhh

Tiger Bar, I didn't see any tigers there, but I did spot a few cougars....

After our third beers were emptied, we grabbed a bucket to go wake up our fellow dorm mates.  For those of you unsure about what a bucket is, it's the popular drinking option in Thailand.  You get a bucket filled with 6-7 shots of booze, which is then mixed with M150/Red Bull and/or other mixers.  M150 is the Thai version of Red Bull, but seems to be quite a bit stronger.  Legend has it that it's laced with amphetamines.  The M150 destroys your ability to sleep and pretty much negates your need of it.  Thus we were all out until 4 or 5 in the morning.  

The next day we grabbed a quick lunch and then decided to make our way to Kata Beach.  All the beaches we passed on Phuket were packed with tourists, but it was still a good place to catch a tan.  I also splurged and got some ice cream, nothing beats eating ice cream on the beach, one of the many perks of my travelling ways.  That night we randomly hopped in a tuk tuk that took us up to No. 6 restaurant on the hill, which was up a crazy go kart track.  The ride alone was an adventure.  After dinner we headed out for our Christmas Eve drinks.  I just wanted to have one or two, but ended up staying out until the wee hours of morning.  

Kata Beach

I thought I had made it back safe at 2, but then Nick and Alex showed up separately at the exact same time I did, so Nick dragged me back out  Around 4 or 430 in the morning we ended up in a strip club.  I have never been to a strip club and have never really had a desire as I think it's kind of creepy, but I just roll with what happens on my travels.  It was a bunch of Eastern European women, who are likely just sex slaves, trying to whore themselves out to you.  It was the creepiest, most depressing Christmas Eve moment of my life, so I ducked out after about ten minutes to catch some shuteye.

First - crazy amounts of power and phone lines, Second - Slutty Santa's Helpers

Lady Boy!!!!

Christmas Eve in Phuket

My first Christmas abroad

The next morning we all congregated in the hallway, most of us hungover, some still drinking beers.  Luckily one of the girls at the hostel had organized a Christmas dinner, so 15 of us headed to an Irish pub called Molly Malone's for a feast.  The food was delicious and they had all the main staples of a Christmas dinner, it was amazing.  It was pretty expensive at about $30, but totally worth it to me.  That night we also went out again to celebrate the big day.

Christmas Crew

The Australian in our group, Ash, decided our thing was going to be putting tons of straws in our buckets, so every bucket we got had like a hundred straws shoved into it.  This prompted to piss off one of the bartenders who stole our bucket and demanded an extra 100 baht, which was pretty ridiculous because you can buy a package of 9 million straws for 10 baht at 7/11.  However, we paid the guy and got our bucket back.  What a Grinch, have some holiday spirit bro! One of the British guys, Luke, ended up staying out till 4:30 with me, so I could keep my late night return time in tact.  After getting hammered for three days straight, I took the next day to recover and book the next leg of my journey.

New haircut, spilled drink on my shirt, millions of straws. Cowabunga!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!

My next destinations were Ko Tao and Ko Pha Ngan, with the latter hosting the largest New Years Full Moon party in all of Thailand.  50,000 people on one stretch of beach.  Would I find a cute girl to share some midnight smooches with me?!?!?!?! Would she turn out to be a lady boy?!?!?!  Oh my gosh, the suspense!!!!!!!  I guess you'll find out on my next blog...

Random GoPros

The Heisenberg Mustache #BreakingBad

Incredible views

Made more incredible by me being in it

I love that this cat is chilling on top of the island

I've spent the past four months along the beach....It's been a pretty awesome 4 months

Hot Damn, I'm Sexy!!!!

You call that a pickup truck?

Thai Transportation

Christmas Dinner!!!

Sideways Sunset Patong Beach

Thailand is fond of offensive bracelets.  Highlights include: Cunty Cunt, I love boobs, Fuck Damn, and of course, Rape Cock

Lombok to Kuala Lumpur

After coming down from the mountain, I was transported back Gili T along with Pierre, Gunda, and Kiley. We all met up for dinner at the night market and then headed back to our hostels for an early night.  I was able to procure my own cabana for under $10 through some fast talking, but they upped my price to $15 the next day when they realized my deal was way too cheap, but they gave me free breakfast to make up for it.  It was pretty amazing, it was the first time I had my own hostel room since I started traveling over 4 months ago...It was so glorious to finally sleep alone and have complete peace and quiet.

After a few days of doing absolutely nothing in Gili, I made my way back to Bali via speedboat.  I was hoping to get transferred to Denpasar, where the airport is located, but the farthest they would take me was Sanur.  Thus, I found my way to the same hostel I stayed at last time, The Big Pineapple.  I had a down day to do my laundry and catch up on blogging before trying to make my way to Kuala Lumpur.

One last look at the Gilis

I totally look like a slutty schoolteacher in this photo

When I got to the airport, I moved through security and found the AirAsia check in gate, but as I handed over my itinerary I was informed that my flight didn't leave from the airport I was standing in.  Rather, it left from an airport that wasn't even on Bali, but on an entirely different island in Indonesia, Borneo, 839 kilometers (521 miles) across the ocean. In my paper-thin defense, the airport I booked my flight from was named Balikpapan, I mean come on, it has Bali in the name!  To my dismay, I wasn't allowed to transfer tickets or get any sort of credit, not even for the baggage fees I had already paid.  Thus I was forced to purchase a new ticket from Denpasar to Kuala Lumpur.  Whereas my initial flight was set to leave at 11 AM, my new one didn't leave until 5 PM, giving me a lot of time to hang out at the airport and reflect on how my University education was working out.

With 8 hours to kill, I made my way to a little shopping area past the airport where I spent my morning in Starbucks and afternoon in Burger King.  If you have free wifi and power outlets, you have my business.  I arrived in KL around 8 PM, but by the time I got through customs, took the 75 minute bus into town and walked over to the monorail station, it was approaching 11.  I stumbled into the cheapest hostel I could find and hoped for a good night's rest, but the dude across from me was talking on his phone and blaring music at 2 in the morning and the kid above me started watching anime at 4, so my slumber was a hodgepodge assortment of naps.  
KL is nothing like what I had envisioned.  I was imagining an average size city with a few skyscrapers and a rather poor economy, but that was not the case at all.  It's a city with futuristic ambitions; Locals playing on smart phones, sprawling shopping districts, ultra efficient monorail and train systems, and some very stylish skyscrapers.  The modernism is partially thrown off by the conservative apparel though.  The vast majority of men and women don't show much skin, even wearing jeans and long sleeves amidst the 33 degree heat (91 Fahrenheit).  It's also pretty 50/50 on women adorning the traditional Muslim headscarf, the hijab.

Ummm that sign says Malaysia instead of America...WTF?

This elephant is tough to read...Is he sad based on his posture or mischievous based upon his stare

The hostel I was staying at wasn't even full backpackers.  Nearly everyone in my room was Malaysian, but when I'd go to the other floors I'd see Caucasians.  Maybe I got put on the Asian floor, but Caucasians are asians too, so in my mind there shouldn't be segregation against them just because their bad with math and computers.  During my second night, a girl ran into my room at 4 AM after being held at knife-point... in the hostel.  Her English was broken, but she had either been asked for money from the guy or the guy had given her money and wanted sex in exchange.  Either way, when she didn't comply, he pulled a knife on her.  We couldn't contact the police because she was in fact an illegal immigrant...Who would have thought they have illegal immigrant issues here as well?  Thus one of the guys walked her to a different hotel since the assailant had apparently already fled the scene and the coast was clear.

The next day, I walked past the wanted signs of the previous night's attacker, whose picture was now posted on the entryways to each level of the hostel, and made my way to the monorail station to see some of the city.  I met up with Daphne, who I had met in the Gilis to explore Chinatown, which was several blocks of wall to wall stalls filled with knockoff purses, watches, jerseys, and hello kitty apparel.  She too was in a creepy hostel, with questionable roommates.  I don't know why the hostels are so creepy there, they are built like prison cells with no natural light allowed to enter.

This temple wasn't as amazing as the temple that is my body

I was a little underwhelmed by the amount of Hello Kitty merchandise

Reaching for the sky

China Town

I need to work up the courage to try this, it's like a Chia Pet infused strawberry

One day I decided to go to the Petronas Towers.  I was a little confused when I arrived because I was under the impression the Patronus was a mythical creature created by JK Rowling, so I was expecting something like that.  However, what I found was the third largest skyscraper in the world and the most impressive piece of modern architecture that I have ever seen..  The twin towers are absolutely stunning in design and sheer magnitude, like Redwoods in a field of Dandelions.  I have never felt smaller in my life than standing in front of those buildings.  Which is ironic, because I'd never felt taller than in Malaysia.  I was generally a full head and shoulders above the males and close to a foot taller than most girls.  Though to be fair my new running shoes add a few inches to my height, putting me over the 6 foot mark.  And when you factor in the 5 inches of upward hair growth I have experienced, I'm probably nearing 6'6.

The Towers also contained a mall, which was full of Christmas decorations, which made me feel a little nostalgic for home.  I'll even admit I ordered a coffee and sat there for a few hours, soaking up all the Christmas joy, with the giant trees and flashing decorations.  I was so impressed by the Petronas building that I headed back there the next day to make a few time lapses of the clouds passing over the towers.

This is how you claim the sky...

Racecar spelled backwards is racecar...You've been palindromed

Christmas!!!!

Such a modern city...was not expecting that at all

Not a bad view from the backside either...451.9 meters high, 88 stories.

I actually got inside these twins, unlike the ones from the Rinjani tr....Ewwww now I'm just being creepy!!!

Malaysia. Messi. Mustache!

When the sky turned grey, it was like a poster-board for evil corporations

During my week in KL, I made most of my meals to save money, grilling hamburgers and hot dogs that didn't have any change in color when cooked...Seriously, they stayed blood red.  You don't feel very confident in your stomach's digestive powers whilst looking at it, but then you realize you bought a ten pack, so you best be crossing your fingers.  I also ventured to some fast food places after stepping on a scale that claimed my weight was down to 150 lbs.  I mean, I know I'm shrinking but that can't be possible, I'm praying that thing was broken!  At McDonalds. I learned I could get a Big Mac meal for roughly $3.  To put that in perspective, a single Skittle cost $11 in Australia.

Some people know I have crazy diets.  Sometimes I'll go cold turkey and not eat any junk food for 3 months, replacing meals with protein shakes...And other times I'll gorge on junk food, replacing meals with cans of Pringles.  My diet in KL was equivalent to what would happen if you told a 7 year old to buy groceries, gave him $50, and then dropped him in front of Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory... It was a pretty disgusting and shameful few days to say the least.

I was so lazy in Malaysia that at one point I was lying in bed and the only thought that ran through my head for an entire hour was, "Cadbury milk chocolate, you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me".  I was a complete waste of oxygen for most of my time there.  Plus I smelled awful some days because I was too lazy to shower after I'd walked around the city for like 6 hours and been super sweaty.  Since my room was just 2 local Malaysian guys I didn't really feel the need to impress anyone.

Funniest thing about Asia...Petrol is so cheap all the fast food places deliver

The McDonalds Prosperity Meal Deal.......CURLYS!!!!! Upon seeing them I had to listen to Tenacious D - Drive Thru

On one hand, when you're a backpacker, the big cities aren't usually what you're looking for, but they are cool to visit from time to time.  I spent a week in KL, which was a little excessive since I didn't accomplish anything of value, but it's nice to have downtime.  I was able to take care of some Christmas shopping, mail a few things back home,  and get caught up on my blog, uploading pictures, and relaxing.  I also ordered some stuff for my brother to bring to me when he meets me in Thailand.  To all the people that told me get a polarizer lens kit...shit's about to get real!

When the time arrived to leave, I decided to switch up my route back to the airport and take the speed train instead of the bus.  The train was incredibly fast, getting me there in 30 minutes.  However, when I meandered up to the departure gates, I noticed the Air Asia stands were hard to come by, and a slow sneaking, familiar feeling started creeping into my head...Did I really go to the wrong airport again, for the second time in a week?  Absolutely I did.

Turns out Air Asia operates out of a completely different terminal...but that terminal is basically a different airport.  Thus I had to hitch a bus 40 mins to the LCC terminal.  Epic Fail.  Navigating your way through the airport was madness.  Depending on which country you are headed to, you have to check in through different security areas.  For Thailand, you have to pre-scan your bags and get your ticket through a special section of check-in counters. After you check your bag, you leave that area and then go back to the main terminal to go through immigration and then you head through security a final time for your carry on stuff.  Wheeeewww, so even though I left from my hostel 4 hours before my flight was supposed to leave, I only got to my gate with 45 minutes to spare.  Madness!  My flight also ended up being delayed for an hour, but no formal announcement was made either over intercom or on the flight boards, but that's just how it goes.  So after all that I was finally on my way to Thailand, where I didn't do any research or planning on how to get from Hat Yai to Krabi, but that my friends is a story for another blog....

Random GoPros

The monorail, so amazing! $1 takes you anywhere.

The majority of people drive motorbikes instead of cars

Sardines....

I hope when the moment comes you'll say, " I did it all.  I owned every second that this world could give, I saw so many places, the things that I did.  Yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived".

My broseph and I were obsessed with A&W as kids....can't beleive there's one in KL

I had to gopro the towers a few blocks away just to get them into a single shot!  So massive

There's a slight chance I could use a haircut

Such a cool shot using the GoPro