New Zealand Tingles

Dear Diary,

It’s been 47 days since I crashed on this island and been in contact with human civilization.  My urine has taken on a cottage cheese like texture and I accidentally ate my stool, because it looked like a melted snickers bar, so I now have that festering on my upper lip.  I also fear I may have contracted rabies, because I haven’t had an erection for nine years.  The only things I have left with me are an old cassette tape of Celine Dion's, "My Heart Will Go On", a lottery ticket with the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 (I wonder if I won or if the numbers are cursed), and a well placed eye patch. I just hope someone finds me before the madness sets in (nervous laughter).

Oh wait, this is my blog and not my diary. Sorry about that. After spending a few final days in America with my brother in Los Angeles, I departed for Auckland, New Zealand! All I have with me are two bags, one with clothes and one with cameras and a computer. The flight in on Air New Zealand is legit.  You get dinner, wine, more wine, hot breakfast, candy, and touchscreen TVs with new movies like Oblivion, Silver Linings Playbook, The Croods, etc.  They also have really weird safety movies starring celebrities such as Bear Grylls, Hobbits, and Richard Simmons.  

The New Zealand Skyline (So happy I splurged on a nice camera)

My only downfall was that I may or may not have forgotten to wear deodorant before parting, so my armpits smelled like a pair of skunks going to war against each other. That of course was not enough to stop the women of New Zealand from tingling out of control upon my arrival.  I got extremely lucky on this trip, because one of my old college roommates, Tally, and her husband Will, live in Auckland! They were kind enough to pick me up at the airport and let me crash at their place for a week. Hopefully my night terrors don't upset their sleeping patterns...

After getting settled, I spent my first day hiking through town to get a feel for it.  I made my way through the city centre and then back down through some various parks.  Being the idiot that I am, I also needed to venture to an electronics store to get some outlet converters, since I got the wrong ones before leaving.  Universe 97, Slowe 0.  A few minutes later I passed a statue of Moses, which is located in a park directly below a street where prostitution, which is legal, thrives.  

I took this as a sign, picked up some cardboard and made my own sign reading, "GigaLowe, Ready to Service You".  (Pleased to be at your service, Service with a smile, I will do you for 12 dollars...I could go all day [That last one was both saying I could make those lines all day and also stating I could use the line, "I could go all day", for the sign.  I believe in grammar that's referred to as onomatopoeia])  However, despite my best efforts, there were no takers...what a waste of three days!  Dejected and lonely, I listlessly moved onward like the street walker I had become.

You broke my spirits and shattered my dreams Moses

I also made my way through a larger park that houses a war museum, duck ponds, fern gardens, and several soccer/rugby fields.  It's definitely a city that is made for walking around as there are trails, parks, and fields everywhere you go.  It's also super hilly, so you are pretty much guaranteed to sweat as you walk around. Luckily, when you are as hot as I am, the sweat evaporates instantly, no big deal.

Cool little duck pond

This duck was creepy, it gave me the stink eye and kept following me around...

Since it's winter in New Zealand, I was hoping to find some pretty ladies to share a little warmth with me, but these two were stone cold...but at least I got to see their boobies

The botanical gardens entryway was pretty fancy

Cool war monument at the museum, which was roughly the size of my penis...before the rabies set in

For my second day, Tally recommended catching a ferry to an old volcanic island called Rangitoto.  It was super cheap at about $25 round trip and you were allowed free roam on the island, so you just pick one of the paths available and go for it without any supervision.  You just have to make sure you are back before the ferry leaves at 3:30, otherwise you are stuck on the island for the night without food or shelter, but I'm not that stupid am I?  I decided to make my way up to the summit so I could practice doing some time lapses with my camera.

Rangitoto Island!

The paths were either through the woods or through volcanic rock piles.  This felt like scenery from a Robert Frost poem

It's about an hour to get to the top, but once you get there it's awesome.  You have spectacular 360 views of the world around you.

View of Auckland from the top of Rangitoto

View of another island from the summit

The bright green island

After hanging out one island for the day I made my way back down and caught the ferry on time!  I made sure I got on the top deck, so I could take photographs of the amazing scenery.

Sailboats are extremely popular in New Zealand

New Zealand Skyline from the bay

After making my way back into town, Tally took me out to catch the sunset along the beach.  New Zealand does not fall short in terms of spectacular scenery.

Skyline Sunset

Beach Sunset

I'm going to start adding random GoPro pics to the bottom of my blog.  The GoPro is a fun little action camera, but it also takes really cool photos.  It has a fish eye lense, so the images get warped around the edges and look funky.  Enjoy!

Walking around the city centre

Random picture

My hair is ridiculous, but I refuse to cut it!

Skyline from the ferry

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I suppose you'll find out on my next blog...

You've Gotta Steal The Time From The Life That's Passing By...

Early on in my trip to South America I realized that something in me had stirred.  As the days passed and I stared out at colored lakes, snow-capped mountains, volcanoes, hot springs, run-down towns, stray dogs, ancient ruins, my bowl cut, and everything else that I would never have understood from reading books or looking at pictures, a light bulb went off in my head.  The functional part of my brain that always found the most logical answer to any situation started to make room for the dreamer that had been dormant for far too long.

I've always relied on my head to get me everywhere.  I was lucky to be born with a knack for learning things quickly.  I finished college when I was 20 with about as much difficulty as one has taking off a shirt (and yes I made that analogy so you'd imagine me shirtless, and then explained it further in this parenthesis section in case you had imagined yourself taking off your shirt instead of me, so now it's guaranteed you've imagined me taking off my shirt.  It's also highly likely that I've imagined you taking your shirt off as you read through this lengthy explanation).

Once I got a job, it was more of the same, except I was getting paid and had money to buy whatever I wanted.  But eventually I realized that having money and possessions, while nice, wasn't really that important to me.  At the end of the day was I really doing anything to help anyone other than myself?  I wasn't the kind, thoughtful kid I once was.  I was becoming the guy no one would ever want to be in a negotiation with, because he could rip apart all their arguments.  Hubris has always gotten the better of me and I knew if I stayed on this path of climbing the corporate ladder I would miss out on the humility (that I think everyone would agree) I so desperately need.  I don't want to be the guy that makes people feel stupid or small, I'd much rather be someone who makes them laugh, someone who looks and hopes for the best in them.

So I decided that I needed to make a change and put myself into a situation where I wouldn't have answers or a safety net to fall back on.  I needed a challenge, something that would blow my mind and let me embrace my inner idiot.  Thus, I made the decision to take off and see the world, but do it in a way where I can travel not as a vacation, but as a way of learning and hopefully get a taste of the different cultures I'll be visiting.  I plan on making my way through New Zealand, Australia, Southeast Asia, and eventually Europe with just a couple backpacks, cameras, my testicle eyepatch, and an edible thong (You have now imagined me shirtless and in a thong, you truly are despicable).  Most of the time I will probably just be backpacking, but I also plan on doing volunteer work where possible.  Partially to do some good and partially to meet different people.  Everyone has been asking me what my plan is, but I just smile because I don't actually have one.  I want it to be an organic experience, I don't want to stress myself into moving to the next location because I have it planned on an agenda.

Besides if I fail, I can always return to my previous career, the one where I was a male model:

I was the going to be the next Fabio, but that was....before the accident

And yes it is depressing to know I peaked in the spring of '95 at the ripe age of 7.  I got into Coke; I was consuming 12, maybe 24 ounces a day.  Sometimes I'd even do these stix of pixie dust, I was always getting fucked up on pixie stix and Coke.  My life fell apart... but back to the present.  So for the first time I can recall, I'm deciding to stop following the logical side of my brain.  I'm making the illogical decision; The one to take off, with no plan on when or how to get back.  But at the same time, I'm starting to believe it's also the smartest decision I've ever made.  I finally realized what so many people  have always known, but I've always missed;  That sometimes you don't need to follow your head, you need to follow your heart...


My next post should be in Kiwi country, likely in July or August.  Eyepatch up!

Machu Picchu

In ancient society, only the most powerful and revered individuals were allowed to climb to the peaks of Machu Picchu and reach true enlightenment; In modern times, anyone with 80 dollars is allowed that privilege.  It's hard to describe the feeling you get when you walk through the gates and see the ruins slowly unveiling themselves from the fog.  The greenness of the grass is unreal, almost appearing to be fake as no color could possibly be so crisp.  As you soak it all up, you forget about how tired you are from the hike, reveling in the fact that you're literally in the clouds.  You can look at the surrounding mountains to see where you started biking all the way to where you wrapped around the river and came up to the entrance.  Realizing how far you made it leaves you with a feeling of gratisfaction.

All those steps, all that pain... Definitely worth it!

After gathering our group, Papapuma started to give us a quick tour since he had to leave the ruins by 8 a.m. to catch a train back to Cuzco.  The ruins don't seem that large or intricate from the terraces, but once you get inside you quickly realize how expansive and complex it really is.  I could spend a lot of time describing it, but words can't do the justice that pictures can.

It's a pretty steep drop off the edge.  It's crazy how it's built along the edge of a mountain.

It looks entirely different in the morning, when it's still shrouded in fog

Regardless of the time of day, some views always look incredible

We started doing a recurring pose called BEAST MODE, coincidentally Craig no longer has a left ear.

I see one llama and one ass in this picture.

Machu Peekaboo!

Oh yeah, my name is Josh and I'm going to take a totally bad ass picture when Sean isn't around.  Then he'll see it a day  after we've left Macchu Picchu and he won't be able to take a picture doing this pose.  Then he'll be forced to use a picture of me looking awesome in his blog, while he forever regrets not getting to take that picture...
Yeah, fuck you brah.

Did I kill my sister for a $47 life insurance policy?  Find out in her obituary...

The bowl cut in mesmerizing HD resolution.  Look at that mustache and that prominent chin hair.  This is what a man looks like ladies, soak it up.

We also stopped briefly for breakfast in Papapuma's special spot.  Bryn had a traditional (and healthy) Peruvian breakfast of Lays potato chips with mustard.  

If you look at the first picture in this post you'll see a mountain peak behind Machu Picchu, which is known as Waynapicchu (alternatively Huayna Picchu).  Only 400 people are allowed to enter Waynapicchu each day, but we were lucky enough to get tickets.  Including the 1800 steps from the morning hike, it's a staggering 5000 steps to the top.  Knowing that my future self would be writing a blog about my journey, in which I would describe my physical greatness and beauty, I realized I had no choice but to make this ascent.  I was joined only by Josh, who wanted to make the journey since he skipped it on his first trip to Machu Picchu a few years back.

Kathryn also decided to make the journey, but once again left us in her dust.  Realizing I was yet again physically inferior to a girl, I debated taking the soft dive of oblivion off the edge of the mountain.   It can be an intimidating hike, as the only thing available to stabilize yourself is a piece of rope that's taked to the mountainside.  Barely being capable of putting one foot in front of the other, I asked Josh what A-hole came up with the idea to make all these god forsaken steps.  Thinking I was being literal, he responded, "The Incas, they made all of these ruins", in a tone that clearly implied I was retarded.  Fully accepting that I am retarded, I forged ahead.

We started at the right side of the ruins and worked our way up

There was randomly a cave that you had to crawl through

There were so many times along the hike that I wondered how my legs were still moving, feeling a level of physical exhaustion I never deemed possible.  But no matter how tired I felt, I knew that I wasn't going to stop until I reached the top.  Everyone has a mountain to climb whether it be physical or figurative;  This was mine and I was going to fucking own it.  So with each excruciating step I ascended towards the heavens, and when you get to the top... well there's not many feelings better than peering down at the clouds and realizing you're on top of the world.

It's good to be king

My body was trembling from exhaustion, but nothing was going to stop me from going beast mode.   

Too bad neither of us thought to bring water... sooooo thirsty

45 minutes to climb up and 30 mins to climb down in order to spend 30 minutes there... Was it worth it?  Absolutely!  Once we made it back to the main ruins we met up with the rest of the crew and enjoyed clif bars and other snacks for lunch.  Everyone was so tired from the hikes that we mostly ended up lounging around on the terraces.  After a few hours we decided we should head back down to Aguas Calientes to grab some pizza before taking a train/bus combination back to Cuzco.

The sign at the entrance/exit of Machu Picchu reads, "May peace prevail on Earth" in several languages... very fitting words for such a peaceful place

You all know how I feel about public transportation in South America, but let's just say that once again, everyone screwed me on the bus.  The 6 of us got seats next to eachother, 2 people per row.  So guess who gets stuck with the wheel well?  Yup - me.  This was after I had to sit on a separate bench from everyone at the train station and also a separate row on the train.  So what if my right foot smells like a decaying walrus, is that really a reason to.... alright, they were probably justified in their decisions.  After making it back to Cuzco late that night, we headed our separate ways.  The rich people back to their 5 star hotel, Josh and I to the closest 8 dollar/night hostel we could find.

We mostly bummed around the city picking up souvenirs the next day, before meeting up Kathryn and the Chileans for a few drinks and dinner.  We all headed back to our hostels pretty early since some people had morning flights, while the Chileans once again went out to the disco. Ahhh to be 19 and wasted.

A final beast mode photo to wrap up the trip

My flight wasn't until 4 o'clock the next day, so Josh and I bummed around the city for a while and ran a few quick errands.  He decided he was going to bus it down to the canyons before making his way up the coast to take surfing lessons and meet some friends in northern Peru.  Wow, he has a really rough life.  Before heading down to the main square to catch a taxi to the airport, I decided to enter a state of irrational panic and decided to convince myself I had lost my car keys, which meant I wouldn't be able to pick up my car when I got home, the car to which I have no spare keys.  I spent thirty minutes rummaging through my bags and running back to the hostel room I stayed in the night before to search for them.  With my hopes dwindling, I looked through my backpack for the sixth time and found them in a velcro sealed pocket, right where I specifically placed them in order to make sure I didn't lose them.  As the feeling of knowing I am an idiot became clear to me once again, I was snapped back into reality and realized my playtime was over.  As I flagged down a taxi and rode towards the airport, my mind couldn't help but wonder what my next adventure would hold...

As Rosa finished tidying up her room in the hostel, she glanced out the window and saw several pigeons congregating outside.  Unable to contain her curiosity, she slowly made her way to the roof to see what was happening.  As the cool breeze lightly swept the hair from her face, her eyes drifted towards the ground where the sewage from the hostel bathrooms pooled.  She gasped, staring in wonder as a single rose was blooming from the abyss.  Slowly shaking her head in disbelief,  Rosa was startled to see all the neighborhood dogs staring towards the sky in unison.  Lifting her eyes upward, she saw a single plane fading into the distant sky.  A small smile spread across her face as she softly whispered, "Gracias", while a tingling sensation dissipated from her body.