Cambodia to Saigon

I arrived into Kep and only one thing popped into my mind;  If I ran the tourism for this city, my slogan would be:  Cambodia's Best Kep Secret.  You're welcome.  Kep is a really small town without much going on, so I ended up booking an afternoon ferry to Rabbit Island, which Irish Tom (Gingervitis) told me to check out.  I scoped around for the cheapest bungalow, which turned out to be $7.  Was it worth walking around aimlessly for 15 minutes to save $1?  If you were thinking "No", that means you should probably be donating some of that extra money you have to charity.

I spent my first two hours reading a book whilst lounging on a hammock, because the whole tourist section of the island is just 400 meters of beach.  I did however decide to go for a wander and found a secluded trail behind the far end of the beach.  I didn't think I would stumble upon anything exciting, but after finishing the trail and finding another beach, I noticed that the far side of the beach was covered in black rocks.  As I enjoy a little adventure, I decided to hike through the rocks and what I found on the other side was absolutely beautiful.  There were trees growing directly out of the rocks, their roots mixed amongst the rubble and stretching towards the ocean.  Never in my life would I have pictured something so amazing, but that's the most amazing thing about this planet;  No matter what you imagine, it always holds something even more wonderful.

Some views are so beautiful they are beyond imagination... not unlike the view I see when I look into a reflective body of water

My roots have grown but I don't know where they are...

This rock looks a little fishy :p

When I was eight, I was learning that you're not supposed to put popcorn seeds up your nose, this kid is climbing coconut trees with a rope attached to him

Kep is known for one thing in particular, their crab, which is supposed to be some of the best in the world.  I ordered the crab Amok and it was hands down the best crab I have ever had in my life.  I'm partially upset that I ate it, because now every time I eat crab I'll just be like meh.  I will say it was a lot of effort to eat the crab though, there were six or seven of them in the soup, all cut in half, so I had to exert a lot of effort to eat them.  The next morning I decided that one night on the island was enough for me and it was rather pricy at $7/night, so I took the ferry back to Kep.  I ended up meeting a Canadian on the boat that wanted to head to the same part of town as me, so we were able to split a tuk tuk and room to save money.  I went for a run to snag some GoPro photos of the various sites and then we checked out the crab/seafood market for dinner.  Turns out it wasn't an actual market at all, just a row of 15 restaurants that sold seafood at marked up prices.  The lady there was super nice though and gave me an extra large portion and free fruit salad for dessert.

Suffice it to say, I had seen all of Kep in a day and couldn't see myself staying there for 5 more days, which was the amount of time I had remaining before my Vietnam Visa started.  Thus I decided to head back to Kampot and see if they had any homestay options, if not, I knew there were at least ATMs, delicious food options, and guest houses along the river where I could have some peaceful downtime to reflect on where my life went wrong and why I keep putting off writing.  Perhaps it's because it's an insane bet.  No one makes it as a writer, logically I have no chance of making it; I'm destined to fail.  But then again, if I did make it...I'd never have to work in a real job again and that would be the greatest gift I've ever received.  Suffice it to say I spent my last 4 days in Cambodia in a Bungalow along the river.  I worked out everyday in my quest for a six pack, realized I only have the physical endurance to ride a bike for seven minutes and and twenty eight seconds, and subsequently realized I could only swim for 43 seconds when I hopped in the river to cool off.  

My life is shit

Best statue ever...This is basically as close as I get to a naked woman

Upon making my way to the border, I found a $100 bill on the ground, but I'm 99% sure it's fake since it has no water mark and one of Benny boy's eyes is missing.  Someday, I'll find a real one!  If it is somehow real, here's my pledge to donate it to charity.  Border crossings are usually entertaining and this one did not disappoint.  Half the people on the mini-bus didn't seem to understand how they worked, so when we grabbed our bags and walked across, two people (Americans...the stereotype of us being dumb assholes is so true) left their iPhones in the minibus.  After getting across and realizing we were taking a different vehicle from the Vietnam border to our next destinations, they started berating our new driver, who was a younger girl, about how they were told it was the same bus all the way and how much bullshit this was.  

I don't understand the confusion, because why would the same bus go across the border?  That would mean the drivers would have to constantly pass through immigration, do vehicle searches, etc.  It seems logical to assume you're switching to a bus run by a partner company in the next country.  Their phones got sent across the border via another group, thirty minutes later, so it was no big deal, but still;  When they say take all your bags across the border...why would you leave your phone?  Don't yell at someone else about how they messed up when you made a mistake, that's not cool.

We were taken to a central minibus office in Ha Tien, where everyone got transferred to their final destination.  I ended up making friends with a French couple, so we ended up at the same hostel and grabbed dinner together.  The Vietnamese people are also super nice, quite like the Khmer people, though they are a little more blunt in their business dealings versus being laid back and making a lot of jokes like their Cambodian counterparts.  

I woke up at 5 am to catch the sunrise during the floating market tour.  I was expecting some ships to be flowing in the waters, kind I like the floating villages but it was just a crap ton if boats packed with fruits and vegetables.  Smaller boats would come up and offer you sandwiches or coffee as you waded through the unknown.

Mekong Delta Sunrise

Floating petrol station!

The Floating Market

Coffee, sandwich, soup, and noodle boats are scattered about

After the market we went to a rice noodle factory to see how hey are made and grabbed some coffee.  Next we ended up taking the boat through some narrow canals that the larger tour boats couldn't fit through, which was pretty rad.  The lady driving one of the boats next to us had a giant piece of bamboo and started making stuff for the older couple in her boat ranging from bracelets to crowns to toys to flower bouquets, all while navigating the mighty Mekong.  She also made me a bracelet and a wand type of thing, probably because she could sense how magical I am.   She handed boat driver some bamboo and he worked it into a grasshopper looking thing.

I only went to can tho to see those markets, so after my boat got back at 9 am, I made my plans to take a bus to go chi Minh  (Saigon) later that afternoon.   During my downtime I did some shopping... Back in the States, when you see something is made in Vietnam, you assume it's a cheap piece of shit...well imagine buying said item in Vietnam and it's actually worse.  I purchased a memory card reader for my camera and two pairs of headphones... Out of those three items, only one pair of headphones worked and even that was partial.  $5 down the drain, once again my wallet reeling in pain.

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a grasshopper or what, but it looks cool

Our boat got stuck 3 times due to the motor getting tangled up in garbage.  Asia needs a pollution revolution.

I don't know why, but I love this picture...What's this guy's story?

I'm floating down a river.  Will I ever make it back to shore or will I drift into the unknown?

Maybe we can meet again further down the river to share what we've both discovered... and revel in the view.

By the time I arrived to Saigon and caught a moto into town (during which I was certain I would die), it was already getting late.  Thus I wandered the city for a bit, grabbed some dinner, and then set up a tour to visit the Cu Chi Tunnels, which are a vast, 220 km man-made tunnel system created during the Vietnam War.  The entire population of Cu Chi lived underground while creating those tunnels, for no less than 22 years!  They surfaced only during the night to plant crops and dispose of the "waste" that occurred below.  Well.... they surfaced for another reason, to use their phrasing, to hunt Americans.  The theme for the day was how terrible and corrupt America is, which to be fair we are self-righteous, self-absorbed, selfish bastards, but it was a little over the top.   

I was a little let down to be honest.  We had to drive over two hours to get there, with a mandatory stop at a handicapped art place, trying to pry open your wallets by preying on your pity.   Upon arriving to Cu Chi, your tour isn't actually in the tunnels, rather you walk above ground and get shown various kill traps, hiding areas, and other innovations around the tunnels.  Some of the content was pretty interesting and the tunnels were very intelligently made, but the area was just packed full of tourists and every tour guide was shouting louder than the next, so it was hard to focus.

You only go through the actual tunnels for about a minute and it's a touristy portion that has been expanded so tourists can fit through more comfortably.  The expanded section was still a tight squeeze for me and I'm pretty scrawny, so I can't even imagine how the hell they lived there for so long.  After the tour ends you get a piece of boiled tapioca and shot of tea, before being herded back to the bus. So all in all it's like 4.5 hours of travel to spend 89 minutes outside the tunnels and 1 minute in them.

Hidden opening from the tunnels

Whenever I see this I just hear Data from The Goonies yelling, "Booby Trap!"

Feeling claustrophobic?

I ended up meeting a Canadian girl on the tour, Kaitlin, so we grabbed lunch once we got back to town and met up with some Danish girls from her dorm, Kristine and Stine, to go check out Chinatown. After finishing our explorations, we grabbed dinner and drinks at an Irish pub since it was St. Patty's Day.  The party scene in Saigon wasn't as wild as I expected, the streets were bare by midnight and none of the bars were too exciting.  I was however able to indulge in some daiquiris because pitchers were the happy hour special and that's what the girls wanted to drink.  Damn you women and your delicious fruity drinks.  Meanwhile, I have to drink beer to appear manly.  It's unfair.

Not all of my views are amazing....but if everything was amazing, you wouldn't appreciate it

Vietnam's version of a mobile home

After getting my fill of hatred towards America, I made my way to Da Lat, where adventure abounds, but that's a story for another blog.

Random GoPros

Whenever I'm on a beach, I just start thinking...If I ever move somewhere without a beach again, I will kick the living shit out of me

It's absolutely amazing, all the trees growing up through the rocky shore

I'm looking to the sky to save me, looking for a sign of life, I'll make my way back home when I learn to fly...

Me and my crab...well one of them at least...Wait, what?!?!?! (Just to clarify, I'm 11% sure I don't have crabs)

The local market, imagine an entire block being inside a giant shipping container filled with cheap goods...Those are the places I can afford

chim chimney, chim chimney, chim chim cheroo, good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you... or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too ;)

All the boats have tires on the side to help ease collisions, glad to see there's proper safety measures in place

Eyes on his whittling creation, thighs controlling the direction of the boat...poo filling my pants

BOATS is the best acronym to describe my blog...Based On A True Story

Death Door Trap...Once big bro meets me in Korea I'll be tripping him into one of these...The life insurance policy I have in his name is substantial

Chinatown shopping center, where everyone is in everyone else's way

The mean streets of Saigon

Book Reviews
I've also made it through a surprising number of books in the past few months, due to all my downtime on islands.

• His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler's The Art of Happiness - The Dalai Lama's Buddhist belief is that the entire purpose of your life is to be happy.  I highly recommend it to anyone, it really is enlightening.
• John Milton's Paradise Lost - Worst book I've ever read in my life.  I'd rather spend an eternity listening to Justin Bieber on repeat than read a single page of this book ever again.
• Sunzi's The Art of War - There's some cool stories in the book, but why do people brag about reading it?  Do you really need to know how to ambush a legion of Chinese pikemen from 500 B.C.?  Unless you get thrown into some sort of Bill and Ted's excellent adventure or gun a DeLorean to 88...Probably not.
• Jules Verne's A Journey to the Center of the Earth - Love the imagination, hate what a whiny bitch the protagonist is.  If I met him in real life, I'd karate chop him in the throat just so I didn't have to listen to him speak.
• Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson's - A Memory of Light - Book 14 of the nerdiest series I've ever read.  I didn't even care anymore, I just wanted it to end.
• Aesop's Fables - I wish I could memorize all of these, brilliant one paragraph stories with amazing morals. I recommend reading these on your phone whilst in the restroom.  If you don't do anything in there, that's just time you're not getting back, might as well learn something.
• Mark Twain's On the Art of Decay of Lying - Turns out this wasn't even a book, it was like two pages.  Perfect for my reading level and attention span.
• Brandon Sanderson's - Steelheart - A book based in futuristic Chicago, but some people have super powers.  Pretty good, Audible recommended it as their audiobook of the year
• Brandon Sanderson's - Warbreaker - I had credits for Audible books, so I chose this since it was like 30 hours long, which is great for long bus rides.
• Oliver Potzsch's The Dark Monk - Book two in a series about a 1600s Bavarian hangman, entertaining but a bit predictable
• Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra - One of the craziest books I've ever read, but absolutely amazing quotes and wordplay.  He's like a talented and successful version of me.  Will definitely read more Nietzsche

Currently reading:

• Homer's The Odyssey - I loved the Illiad, so hopefully this is just as good
• Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything - Probably one of the most fascinating books I've picked up.  It explains the complexities of the universe in a simple and humorous way.
• Hamilton Wright Mabie's Fairy Tales Every Child Should Know - I'm basically a big little kid, so I'm loving this.
• Henry David Thoreau's Walden - I'm three pages in and already want to stab my eyes out

What I wish I was reading, but can't afford since my family members never send me e-gift cards for Christmas or my Birthday/ Isn't available yet:

• George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) Book 6.
• Joe Nesbo's Harry Hole series - Mystery novels revolving around a genius cop
• Douglas Preston and Lee Child's Pendergast series - Mystery novels revolving around an albino Sherlock Holmes
• Robert Galbraith's The Silkworm - Pseudonym for J.K. Rowling - I will read anything that woman writes, because without her I probably wouldn't ever read or understand what it means to have an imagination.  She sued the publishers for releasing information that she was the true author of the first book and donated all the money to charity, plus she gives a portion of the book's revenue to charity as well.  Such a lovely lady, one of my heros

4000 Islands

My journey to Four Thousand Islands was highly anticipated and much needed after an unfortunate week in Southern Laos.  When I got to the bus station, I noticed a severe shortage of buses and knew I was in for an adventure.  Turns out you don't take a bus from Pakse to the islands, instead you hop into a sorngtaaou, which is like a pickup truck with an extended bed that can uncomfortably fit 20 people...However you're in Laos so there were closer to 30.  At one point I also started hearing the crazy cawing of a rooster, which I took as a sign that I'd finally snapped and gone insane.  However, when I looked down I noticed a couple of cardboard boxes with air holes punched into the sides and sure enough, there were roosters underneath my seat...for the four hour journey.

The local couple sitting next to me didn't seem to care about other people's space, taking up as much room as three people normally did, even though their combined weight was probably only 20 kilos more than my own.  The dude was also getting all up in my bubble, it's just like c'mon bro, we don't need to touch.  Just leave a centimeter or two between us, everyone else is doing it.  I was distressed by his lack of bubble courtesy to say the least.   After four hours or so, we ended up in Ban Nakasang, which is near the two main tourist islands, Dons Ket and Khon.   It also dawned on me that the Dons were my mascot in high school.  Another looping thread in the interconnected web of this small world.

I had thought that transportation to the islands was included, but alas it was not.  Instead of dropping us at the docks, we had to walk a few hundred meters to get there and purchase a ticket for 15,000 kip ($2).  When we arrived I noticed a buffalo relaxing on the sand.  It's funny to see all the buffalo, cows, chickens, etc. running around free here.  Some of the cattle will trot up to you hoping you'll pet them, no different than a dog or cat.  Part of me wishes I had the willpower to be vegetarian, because you can see how happy and friendly the animals are over here.  I do at least have my working goal of eating vegetarian meals at least 50% of the time.

I have reason to believe the rooster is the father. Making these ducks...Chucks

Not the typical landscape of an island...

These are actually two trees with their limbs all intertwined.  Trees be spooning!

My bowels react to Laos food like the beating of these moths' wings...Spastic and violently

Once I got up into the town I found a pretty sweet bungalow along the river, complete with hammocks for $7/night.  The only downfall was that the shared bathrooms were about 50 meters away, consisting of 2 squat toilets and one shower.  Pretty gross, but I have Lowe standards, which are in fact even lower than low standards.  That night I found some tasty Indian food and just chilled on my hammock and watched the stars come up.  I ended up staying on Don Det for a week.  I didn't really doing anything touristy, just chilled on my hammock, got back into shape, and even started writing for real.

There are no ATMs on the islands, so eventually I had to go back to the mainland to get mo money.  I also decided to switch islands, heading to Don Khon, which is larger than Don Det, but has less tourists.  It also has the largest waterfall in Laos, so I figured it was worth checking out.  The island was pretty quiet and suffered power outages both days I was there, but that was normal on the other island as well.  I took a really random path to the waterfall, crossing through all the backroads until I ended up at a village where I asked for directions.  One of the patrons gave me a free shot of Laos Laos (locally made whisky), while another told me where to head.  People be friendly on the islands!

A road diverged in the woods...I took the path less traveled (which ironically led to way more travelling) and that has made all the difference

I was a little nervous about walking these planks...

So amazing, buffalo roaming free in the Mekong River.

All animals are naked but us, I wonder if aliens are naked too...I'd like to think so, especially if they have three boobs like the bird from The Fifth Element

The waterfall was pretty amazing and incredibly wide, but it is the largest waterfall only in volume, I learned.  It's not the highest or steepest, it just has a lot of water.  Thus it wasn't necessarily as impressive as some of the waterfalls I'd seen or even the one's Peppe and I climbed on Koh Phangan.  It was still pretty cool though and definitely worth the hike.  After two days on Don Khon, I decided to head back to Don Det, mostly because it was cheaper, but also because the food is way better.  I spent a few more days there before figuring out my route to Cambodia.

We ain't even been to the ocean, we've been running barefoot through the streams...

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship, that was used during the Civil War era (Anchorman reference, drink!)

Tat Somphamit Waterfall

In retrospect, Laos was my least favorite country thus far.  The scenery was amazing from my entry into Huay Xia all the way to Vang Vieng, but then it wasn't anything special until I got to the Four Thousand Islands.  Before heading to Laos I'd heard conflicting things about the locals.  Some travelers told me they were lovely, while others told me they had a strong disliking of tourists... The quorum of my encounters were in line the latter assessment.  While some people were genuinely kind and friendly, like the lady who shared food with me on the bus, the majority try to rip you off and are rude to you if you don't buy things from them.  They'll also give you poorer service than locals and occasionally charge higher prices. One restaurant I went to had a buffet for 30,000 kip for locals, but charged 50,000 for foreigners.

Some workers also just pretend to ignore you.  At one point when I bought a bus ticket, I asked the girl when the bus left and which bus it was.  She just started staring up and to the left, pretending to ignore me.  As soon as I stepped away she took the next guy's order.  I found it to be a very strange culture, because they are a Buddhist nation, which means that you treat everyone with the same level of respect and are typically very passive, but the only passive part of their nature I seemed to find was their passive aggressiveness.  Plus my shoes were stolen and my flip flops broke, so I had bad shoe karma.  Many fellow travelers seemed to have similar experiences to me, so I guess be forewarned if you are headed there.  I'm glad I came to Laos and I did have a good time, but out of all the countries I have visited, this is the only one I don't anticipate coming back to.

Fishing at Sunset

You were born to shine...Oh you gotta shine before you blow em away!  Oh yeah, you'll blow em away :)

But alas it was now time to make my way to Cambodia, my most highly anticipated country in Southeast Asia.  It was to be the third country of my trip initially....turns out it's going to be the 7th.  The journey to Siem Reap is long and will require another land border crossing, but that'll be a story for another blog...


As I mentioned, I started writing.  Keep in mind, I'm going to get bored of it in about 3 weeks and quit.  Therefore, this will never reach fruition, but here's an excerpt anyways.

Prologue
As Caleb sat with eyes transfixed on the four inch touchscreen in front of him, he couldn't escape his failed attempts to block out the incessant talking of the child next to him.
"Hey miss, can I use the bathroom now?"
"Sure sweetie, it's open."
"Ok, but how about now, can I use the bathroom now?"
Having now listened to this child ask the flight attendant that one solitary inquiry over 30 times, he reluctantly decided to step in.  He told himself it was to be noble, to save the pretty flight attendant, but really it was to save his own sanity.  Waiting until the crew members had passed out of ear shot, he removed his ear buds and turned to the little boy.
"How's it going little man, what's your name?"
"I'm Charlie, who are you?"
"My name's Caleb.  How old are you buddy?"
"I'm five and a half."
"Wow, you're so big!  Listen," he began, now speaking much more softly, "I think you're starting to feel pretty sleepy, huh Charlie.  I think you might have skipped your naptime, so maybe you should go use the potty and then once you're buckled back in take a nap.  Does that sound good?"
"I'm going to use the potty and have nap time now."
"Sounds good slugger.  By the way, it also looked like you had some Teddy Grahams earlier..."

A few minutes later the flight attendant walked past and froze with shock upon seeing Charlie sleeping.  Meeting his eyes, they both shared a relieved smile and she let out a little laugh as Caleb pulled out his ear buds once again.  "I was expecting at least 20 more requests to use the bathroom before the flight ended", she whispered softly, so as not to risk waking the sleeping boy.
"Well luckily you'll be able to save some of that incredible patience for the next set of passengers.  Something tells me, Charlie boy isn't the only one of his kind."
"He most certainly is not", she replied.  "Oh, would you like me to take that", she said noticing the empty box of Teddy Grahams.
"Oh yeah, that would be great.  Thanks."
"No Problem, enjoy the rest of your flight sir."
Nodding his head to indicate that he would, he turned his attention back to the screen.  He wasn't sure about the morality of what he'd just done,  manipulating Charlie's mind into thinking he needed a nap, but it was a long flight and he was never one for patience.  Besides, he was nineteen, he was allowed to have a moral grey area.  It's not as if anyone could really stop him if he did do anything immoral anyways.  He could kill everyone on the plane and walk out of the wreckage laughing if he desired it to be so.  He was one of the most dangerous men in existence... And he was about to change the world.

Random GoPros

The Spacious Sorngtaaou

My beach buddy

Hammocks obliterate any desire you have about being productive, but you're so relaxed you don't care

Looking at Don Khon from Don Det

The kid in front of me was convinced this boat was going to tip.  I just figure if it tips, it tips.  One more story for the grand adventure that is life

The grass really is greener on the other side....So get over your hill and see what you find there