Oahu

Before entering the U.S. I feared passing through Immigrations
But they simply said, "Welcome back to the greatest of nations!
All the others you visited were just poor imitations."
Perhaps they should work on their foreign relations...
Oh to be home, into your arms I have flown

The land of instant streaming via Netflix, Prime, and Hulu
Why should I even bother seeing the coast of Honolulu?
To get to my hostel I needed to take a late night shuttle
Past all the resorts and into the slums where the cockroaches scuttle
Oh to be home, how far we had grown

Locked out, hiding in an alley, I was fearing the likes of Jack the Ripper
However the only sound I heard was the lowering of a zipper
For instead of being gutted and hung from a galley
I was forced to listen to a hooker giving head in said alley
America, a sketchier place I've never been shown

Because of time differences I experienced July 27th for 46 hours
Oh to be in control of Father Time's powers!
All the streets lined with ATMs, Subways and Starbucks
We're so much better than those dirty Canucks...Haha Canada sucks!!!!
America, in greatness, we stand alone

You could be free, you could run away with me ;)

Who needs Hello Kitty? In America we have Hello Titty

We all knew I was going to make fun of Canada sooner or later
So let it slide and follow my journey to Diamond Head Crater
Reviews claim the hike will push you to your limits
I barely broke a sweat and finished in thirty minutes
Americans, how they love to piss and moan!

The world is never more beautiful than when seen from the top
The rolling hills and ocean is enough to make thine heart stop
And as I stood their admiring my country's great beauty
I recited the Pledge of Allegiance, my own sacred duty!
Americans, our pride is well known

Quick wits and I'm curious, I'm all caught in what you say.  Help me grab the time, before it slips away....

It's depressing that my scrotum's so zitty, but at least I have a tremendous view of the city!

TV Guide magazine said I was going to be the next David Hasselhoff, but then that damn Alligator bit my hand off!

Nighttime involved drinking with Aussie T, a Turk, Germans, and dudes from the Navy
Will I ever heed the pleas of my liver or just keep it sauced up like gravy? 
(Perhaps I just need a pretty lady to save me... :p)
We went to beach instead of the bar, for though everyone here can own a gun
You can't drink until you've reached the age of twenty-one!!!
Oh to be home, where laws cut to the bone!

No trip would be complete without taking a bus to the North Shore
Finally a place where I would be surrounded by tourists no more!!!!
For on the beach with my newfound friends did I rest
While my mind churned over different foods to ingest
Oh to be home, where I shall gain two stone!

Who can't love a land where your meal is served on a gigantic platter
Work out all you want, in America you'll only get fatter
We are the country that created the s'more
The land that your eyes and stomach adore!
America, the sins of your dieting I shall never atone

I showed Aussie Theresa the greatness that is WalMart
How could one ever want to depart, the prices soothe thy heart!
Our bus back to the hostel was delayed because of a shooting
Why is there always destruction, mayhem, and looting?
America, you are too violence-prone

If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.  If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain.  If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of a cape, then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

Yes I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.  I'm not much into health food, I'm into champagne.  I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape - at a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape

To ride the bus to Waimea Bay, in sexual favors did I pay!!

My last day was spent writing and relaxing
For life in Hawaii was proving far too taxing
That evening I went out to hear the sound of glasses clink
And said my goodbyes with one final drink
Americans, wield your booze to get past the friend zone

My next stop was Maui for a little island hopping
A final hurrah for a trip that soon will be stopping
I can't believe there's going to be an end to this journey
Hopefully I'll go out in style and not on a gurney
Americans, I forget - is it me or the time that has flown?

After a year of hard work and toil, I needed to kiss me some American soil

On my hands I attempted to stand, for an epic way to kiss my homeland

I don't know the future, but I'll jump into the fog
Who knows what will happen in my next blog....



Random GoPros

My GoPro has seen it's final big city, why does the prospect of a normal life sound so shitty?

Who says I can't be free from all of the things that I used to be?  Rewrite my history, who says I can't be free?

If you want to rule this turf, you must become the King of Surf

I'm such a creep, pray you don't see this face in your sleep

Stop to pretend, stop pretending... It seems this game is simply never ending....

Well it's a big, big island and it's always the same.  Can never be too pretty, tell me your name.  Is it out of line, if I was to be bold and say would you be mine?

Honolulu, the city with a view

It's been a long night in Kansas City, it's been a long night in Honolulu.  I don't remember you looking any better, but then again I don't remember you...

All these beaches and the vodka fizz, this is not my life...or maybe it is

All I want right now is the time where we slept on the floor.  You said right here, right now is all we are living for.