Vietnam Countryside, Abseiling Waterfalls, and A Giant Waterpark

Bus trips in Southeast Asia are typically pretty terrible, but Vietnam is definitely a step up from the rest of Asia.  To get from Saigon to Da Lat, I ended up taking a sleeper bus even though the bus ran during the daytime.  Sure my headrest was duct taped together and I saw like 8 cockroaches crawl out of the woodwork, but it was still, hands down, the nicest ground transportation of my journey thus far.  

Da Lat was a great escape from Saigon, which was just another big city to me.  There is a massive lake in the center of town surrounded by a walking path that is littered with flower gardens.  It looks especially cool at night with all the bright lights shimmering off the lake.  Da Lat was also the first outdoorsy place I traveled to in Vietnam, so I was more than happy to spend a few days checking things out.  For the first day, Kaitlin, who I had met on the Cu Chi Tunnels tour, and I went on a motorbike tour of the countryside.  We got to check out a flower farm, coffee plantation, silk factory, mushroom farm, crazy roadside construction, an elephant waterfall, a pagoda, tons of statues, and a local village amongst other things.  

"As if a big round apple presented itself to my hand;  A ripe golden apple, with a coolly-soft, velvety skin: - Thus did the world present itself unto me" - Thus Spake Zarathustra

Coffee Plantation

I think this is the millionth waterfall I've seen on this trip

In case you were wondering what my O face looks like...

Our guide did a pretty good job explaining each site to us, whether it be the waterfalls, plantations, or factories, which was a nice bonus as English can be questionable on tours.  Our lunch stop was pretty crazy, as he ordered ten different dishes to form a massive family style meal.  I felt pretty bad about how much leftover food was wasted, but I guess that's pretty normal for them as it's included as part of the tour.  All in all it was a seven hour day trip that took you to a dozen different places.  Each stop was a little rushed, but it wasn't like you really needed to stay at any of the places that long either.

The silk runs through these holes, which turns them into patterns of flowers and moons and dragons and whatever else you want adorned upon your fine silks.  Pretty fascinating actually.

The minority villagers farm a section of the countryside for a few years and then move locations to more fertile land

Morning, it's another pure grey morning.  Don't know what the day is holding, but I get upright and walk right in to the path of the lightning bolt.

There are so many things you see in Vietnam that make you wonder...am I still in Southeast Asia?

I'm watching the sun burning as the world is slowly turning, and I'm learning that in letting go, I'm learning how to live through a life I have to give

Our guide told me that the canyoning was awesome in Da Lat, so once I got back to our guest house I started researching and was told by a few other people that it was definitely worth doing, so I figured why not?  A guy from England and a girl from St. Louis also booked the day trip as well, so the three of us set out for an adventure.  We knew it was going to be amazing when no one understood anything our guide was explaining, which could have been considered essential since you're life depends on you properly hanging onto a piece of rope.

Before we even made it to our first abseiling spot we were told to slide down one of the waterfalls we passed.  I was expecting this slide to be smooth and comfy like the previous ones I'd done in Australia, but there was none of that as my lower spine and pelvis were battered and bruised.  After everyone went down they had us climb back up to the top for round two, during which they sent us down backwards.  Eventually we made it to our first descent. which was actually really easy;  You basically repelled straight down a dry rock shelf that led you straight into the river.

After doing a few more rock slides, we made our way to the second cliff, where we learned we were repelling down the center of a waterfall.  Everyone was a little nervous because the group in front of us was getting destroyed.  Each of them fell face first into the rocks almost immediately after taking their first few steps, with one guy looking so distraught I thought he might just let go of the ropes and take his chances falling into the chasm below.  When our group was finally up, the four Israeli people we were with went first, meaning we had to sit at the top of the waterfall and wait for what seemed like an eternity before our turns arrived.

I had the benefit of watching a bunch of people fail, so I had a plan and ended up getting down the waterfall pretty quickly.  Once you get to the end, you don't abseil directly into the water, instead you have to put your feet flat against the rock and jump off backwards while simultaneously letting go of the rope.  One of the girls was super lucky she didn't get hurt, as she rotated into a headfirst dive towards the rocks, but luckily somehow she avoided making contact with them.  After everyone made it down safely...or unsafely in a few instances, we ended up having a picnic on the rocks below the waterfall.

If only I was more bootylicious, I could have avoided so much pain.  Thanks for the bony butt stupid Asian genes

Check your pulse, it's proof that you're not listening to the call your life's been issuing you.  The rhythm of a line of idle days.  Scared of a world outside, you should go explore. Leave behind the great indoors!!!!

No canyoning trip would be complete without some cliff jumping, so we made our way to about a 10-12 meter cliff, where we could jump off various levels.  The girl that wanted to go first ended up getting really scared, so I climbed down to where she was and hopped off to show her it was safe.  I'm not really sure how safe it was though, as my feet hit the bottom of the pool, but at least it was soft and mushy.  The last guy to go ended up jumping from the very top, so when our guide told us we could go again, I knew I had to match him.  I will never be outdone by a Brit!  I once again hit the bottom of the pool when jumping from the top, so it's pretty clear they don't test how deep the waters are in determining whether or not it's safe.  if I would have hit a rock, I definitely would have broken something or ruptured my third testicle.

Our final waterfall was pretty awesome, because no one had any idea what the hell our guide was explaining.  We also couldn't see the people going before us, because of the incline of the rock shelf.  The general plan was to repel as far as we could, then start lowering ourselves using only the rope once the shelf inclined, before finally letting go once we were submerged.  This waterfall was called the "Washing Machine", so the only thing we were sure of was that we were about to get soaked.

Cliff Jumping!  "I tell you:  one must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star.  I tell you:  ye still have chaos in you" - Thus Spake Zarathustra

I used to have muscles like Taylor Lautner, now I have muscles like Taylor Swift :(

My first shower of 2014!

If there's one thing I never thought of doing in life it was abseiling, let alone doing it down a waterfall.  It's kind of crazy how you journey throughout this world and constantly find new activities to do.  It's surreal sometimes.  Who would have thought a year ago I'd be canyoning in Vietnam or spending my nights sleeping in a glorified bookshelf?  Life is pretty cool sometimes.

Sometimes you get a dorm room, and sometimes that dorm room is a leopard-print cubby-hole.  My old work wife would approve...

It is with nothing that I have found everything - Thus Spake Seanalicious

Nha Trang was the next stop on my journey and upon arriving I was immediately ripped off by a guy on a moto.  He drove me in a giant circle to get to my destination, which was just around the other side of the block.  I knew I'd been ripped off as I'd obviously seen the exact same buildings from when I arrived, but I let it slide.  I figure if you have to cheat your way to a $2 profit, you probably need the money more than me.  It's pretty funny, old me would have been really pissed off, now I'm just like whatevs, it's all good.  #TheArtOfHappiness

The sole purpose of my trip to Nha Trang was to go to the Vinpearl water park, which Irish Tom had told me was a must-do activity on my way up the coast.  This was heavily reinforced by a British girl I met in Da Lat who told me it was the greatest place ever.  Nha Trang is really close to Da Lat, so I left at 730 in the morning and arrived at 11.  Thus I had the whole day to look around the city and go to Vinpearl.  Kaitlin arrived in Nha Trang the day before me, so we reunited and hit up the park together.

I felt like such a little kid in there, as I haven't been to a water park in years, let alone one of this scale.  The entire structure is built on an island and contains a normal amusement park, water park, an arcade with unlimited free games, a 4D movie theater, shopping mall, resort, private beaches, aquarium, dolphin show, and tons of other stuff.  The price of the ticket also included free cable car rides to and from the island.  It was such a fun place, I loved every second of it.

It's time to build from the bottom of the pit right of the top, don't hold back.  I'm packing my bags and giving the economy a rain check....

You have to grab the time before it slips away...

Watching a dolphin show on the edge of an island while the sun sets over the mainland in the distance...Sublime

The lift towers from the mainland to Vanpearl Island at night

Same photo, except I forgot to drop my shutter speed.  Long exposures are pretty groovy :)

If there's one thing I've learned from watching hours upon hours of How I Met Your Mother, it's that suits are the coin of the realm. Thus my next journey involved a trip to Hoi An, which is the suit capital of Southeast Asia.  Would I find a suit that would make me irresistible to the ladies?  Please, no suit is required for that...  But would I find a ridiculous suit that I can destroy along my remaining adventures at a price of $100 or less?  That my friends is a story for another blog.

Random GoPros

My version of luxury travel!

A Vietnamese construction barricade.... otherwise known as a piece of tape

Elephant Falls

Fat Buddha in Asia is kind of like Fat Elvis in Vegas, you can't always find him, but when you do it's nothing short of spectacular.

If only these were the good kind of mushrooms....

Third Eye Blind - Motorcycle Drive By

Refuse to feel anything at all.  Refuse to slip.  Refuse to fall.  You can't be weak and you can't stand still.  Watch your back, cus no one will....

Picnic Time!

If you look at how small the people are in this photo, it gives you an idea of how high the cliff was

Out of all the crazy shit I've done on this trip, I hurt myself on a children's water slide...Sounds about right.  Also, sometimes the GoPro plays optical illusions to make it look like I don't really have a 6 pack.  SHUT IT!!!!!!

Cambodia to Saigon

I arrived into Kep and only one thing popped into my mind;  If I ran the tourism for this city, my slogan would be:  Cambodia's Best Kep Secret.  You're welcome.  Kep is a really small town without much going on, so I ended up booking an afternoon ferry to Rabbit Island, which Irish Tom (Gingervitis) told me to check out.  I scoped around for the cheapest bungalow, which turned out to be $7.  Was it worth walking around aimlessly for 15 minutes to save $1?  If you were thinking "No", that means you should probably be donating some of that extra money you have to charity.

I spent my first two hours reading a book whilst lounging on a hammock, because the whole tourist section of the island is just 400 meters of beach.  I did however decide to go for a wander and found a secluded trail behind the far end of the beach.  I didn't think I would stumble upon anything exciting, but after finishing the trail and finding another beach, I noticed that the far side of the beach was covered in black rocks.  As I enjoy a little adventure, I decided to hike through the rocks and what I found on the other side was absolutely beautiful.  There were trees growing directly out of the rocks, their roots mixed amongst the rubble and stretching towards the ocean.  Never in my life would I have pictured something so amazing, but that's the most amazing thing about this planet;  No matter what you imagine, it always holds something even more wonderful.

Some views are so beautiful they are beyond imagination... not unlike the view I see when I look into a reflective body of water

My roots have grown but I don't know where they are...

This rock looks a little fishy :p

When I was eight, I was learning that you're not supposed to put popcorn seeds up your nose, this kid is climbing coconut trees with a rope attached to him

Kep is known for one thing in particular, their crab, which is supposed to be some of the best in the world.  I ordered the crab Amok and it was hands down the best crab I have ever had in my life.  I'm partially upset that I ate it, because now every time I eat crab I'll just be like meh.  I will say it was a lot of effort to eat the crab though, there were six or seven of them in the soup, all cut in half, so I had to exert a lot of effort to eat them.  The next morning I decided that one night on the island was enough for me and it was rather pricy at $7/night, so I took the ferry back to Kep.  I ended up meeting a Canadian on the boat that wanted to head to the same part of town as me, so we were able to split a tuk tuk and room to save money.  I went for a run to snag some GoPro photos of the various sites and then we checked out the crab/seafood market for dinner.  Turns out it wasn't an actual market at all, just a row of 15 restaurants that sold seafood at marked up prices.  The lady there was super nice though and gave me an extra large portion and free fruit salad for dessert.

Suffice it to say, I had seen all of Kep in a day and couldn't see myself staying there for 5 more days, which was the amount of time I had remaining before my Vietnam Visa started.  Thus I decided to head back to Kampot and see if they had any homestay options, if not, I knew there were at least ATMs, delicious food options, and guest houses along the river where I could have some peaceful downtime to reflect on where my life went wrong and why I keep putting off writing.  Perhaps it's because it's an insane bet.  No one makes it as a writer, logically I have no chance of making it; I'm destined to fail.  But then again, if I did make it...I'd never have to work in a real job again and that would be the greatest gift I've ever received.  Suffice it to say I spent my last 4 days in Cambodia in a Bungalow along the river.  I worked out everyday in my quest for a six pack, realized I only have the physical endurance to ride a bike for seven minutes and and twenty eight seconds, and subsequently realized I could only swim for 43 seconds when I hopped in the river to cool off.  

My life is shit

Best statue ever...This is basically as close as I get to a naked woman

Upon making my way to the border, I found a $100 bill on the ground, but I'm 99% sure it's fake since it has no water mark and one of Benny boy's eyes is missing.  Someday, I'll find a real one!  If it is somehow real, here's my pledge to donate it to charity.  Border crossings are usually entertaining and this one did not disappoint.  Half the people on the mini-bus didn't seem to understand how they worked, so when we grabbed our bags and walked across, two people (Americans...the stereotype of us being dumb assholes is so true) left their iPhones in the minibus.  After getting across and realizing we were taking a different vehicle from the Vietnam border to our next destinations, they started berating our new driver, who was a younger girl, about how they were told it was the same bus all the way and how much bullshit this was.  

I don't understand the confusion, because why would the same bus go across the border?  That would mean the drivers would have to constantly pass through immigration, do vehicle searches, etc.  It seems logical to assume you're switching to a bus run by a partner company in the next country.  Their phones got sent across the border via another group, thirty minutes later, so it was no big deal, but still;  When they say take all your bags across the border...why would you leave your phone?  Don't yell at someone else about how they messed up when you made a mistake, that's not cool.

We were taken to a central minibus office in Ha Tien, where everyone got transferred to their final destination.  I ended up making friends with a French couple, so we ended up at the same hostel and grabbed dinner together.  The Vietnamese people are also super nice, quite like the Khmer people, though they are a little more blunt in their business dealings versus being laid back and making a lot of jokes like their Cambodian counterparts.  

I woke up at 5 am to catch the sunrise during the floating market tour.  I was expecting some ships to be flowing in the waters, kind I like the floating villages but it was just a crap ton if boats packed with fruits and vegetables.  Smaller boats would come up and offer you sandwiches or coffee as you waded through the unknown.

Mekong Delta Sunrise

Floating petrol station!

The Floating Market

Coffee, sandwich, soup, and noodle boats are scattered about

After the market we went to a rice noodle factory to see how hey are made and grabbed some coffee.  Next we ended up taking the boat through some narrow canals that the larger tour boats couldn't fit through, which was pretty rad.  The lady driving one of the boats next to us had a giant piece of bamboo and started making stuff for the older couple in her boat ranging from bracelets to crowns to toys to flower bouquets, all while navigating the mighty Mekong.  She also made me a bracelet and a wand type of thing, probably because she could sense how magical I am.   She handed boat driver some bamboo and he worked it into a grasshopper looking thing.

I only went to can tho to see those markets, so after my boat got back at 9 am, I made my plans to take a bus to go chi Minh  (Saigon) later that afternoon.   During my downtime I did some shopping... Back in the States, when you see something is made in Vietnam, you assume it's a cheap piece of shit...well imagine buying said item in Vietnam and it's actually worse.  I purchased a memory card reader for my camera and two pairs of headphones... Out of those three items, only one pair of headphones worked and even that was partial.  $5 down the drain, once again my wallet reeling in pain.

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a grasshopper or what, but it looks cool

Our boat got stuck 3 times due to the motor getting tangled up in garbage.  Asia needs a pollution revolution.

I don't know why, but I love this picture...What's this guy's story?

I'm floating down a river.  Will I ever make it back to shore or will I drift into the unknown?

Maybe we can meet again further down the river to share what we've both discovered... and revel in the view.

By the time I arrived to Saigon and caught a moto into town (during which I was certain I would die), it was already getting late.  Thus I wandered the city for a bit, grabbed some dinner, and then set up a tour to visit the Cu Chi Tunnels, which are a vast, 220 km man-made tunnel system created during the Vietnam War.  The entire population of Cu Chi lived underground while creating those tunnels, for no less than 22 years!  They surfaced only during the night to plant crops and dispose of the "waste" that occurred below.  Well.... they surfaced for another reason, to use their phrasing, to hunt Americans.  The theme for the day was how terrible and corrupt America is, which to be fair we are self-righteous, self-absorbed, selfish bastards, but it was a little over the top.   

I was a little let down to be honest.  We had to drive over two hours to get there, with a mandatory stop at a handicapped art place, trying to pry open your wallets by preying on your pity.   Upon arriving to Cu Chi, your tour isn't actually in the tunnels, rather you walk above ground and get shown various kill traps, hiding areas, and other innovations around the tunnels.  Some of the content was pretty interesting and the tunnels were very intelligently made, but the area was just packed full of tourists and every tour guide was shouting louder than the next, so it was hard to focus.

You only go through the actual tunnels for about a minute and it's a touristy portion that has been expanded so tourists can fit through more comfortably.  The expanded section was still a tight squeeze for me and I'm pretty scrawny, so I can't even imagine how the hell they lived there for so long.  After the tour ends you get a piece of boiled tapioca and shot of tea, before being herded back to the bus. So all in all it's like 4.5 hours of travel to spend 89 minutes outside the tunnels and 1 minute in them.

Hidden opening from the tunnels

Whenever I see this I just hear Data from The Goonies yelling, "Booby Trap!"

Feeling claustrophobic?

I ended up meeting a Canadian girl on the tour, Kaitlin, so we grabbed lunch once we got back to town and met up with some Danish girls from her dorm, Kristine and Stine, to go check out Chinatown. After finishing our explorations, we grabbed dinner and drinks at an Irish pub since it was St. Patty's Day.  The party scene in Saigon wasn't as wild as I expected, the streets were bare by midnight and none of the bars were too exciting.  I was however able to indulge in some daiquiris because pitchers were the happy hour special and that's what the girls wanted to drink.  Damn you women and your delicious fruity drinks.  Meanwhile, I have to drink beer to appear manly.  It's unfair.

Not all of my views are amazing....but if everything was amazing, you wouldn't appreciate it

Vietnam's version of a mobile home

After getting my fill of hatred towards America, I made my way to Da Lat, where adventure abounds, but that's a story for another blog.

Random GoPros

Whenever I'm on a beach, I just start thinking...If I ever move somewhere without a beach again, I will kick the living shit out of me

It's absolutely amazing, all the trees growing up through the rocky shore

I'm looking to the sky to save me, looking for a sign of life, I'll make my way back home when I learn to fly...

Me and my crab...well one of them at least...Wait, what?!?!?! (Just to clarify, I'm 11% sure I don't have crabs)

The local market, imagine an entire block being inside a giant shipping container filled with cheap goods...Those are the places I can afford

chim chimney, chim chimney, chim chim cheroo, good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you... or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too ;)

All the boats have tires on the side to help ease collisions, glad to see there's proper safety measures in place

Eyes on his whittling creation, thighs controlling the direction of the boat...poo filling my pants

BOATS is the best acronym to describe my blog...Based On A True Story

Death Door Trap...Once big bro meets me in Korea I'll be tripping him into one of these...The life insurance policy I have in his name is substantial

Chinatown shopping center, where everyone is in everyone else's way

The mean streets of Saigon

Book Reviews
I've also made it through a surprising number of books in the past few months, due to all my downtime on islands.

• His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler's The Art of Happiness - The Dalai Lama's Buddhist belief is that the entire purpose of your life is to be happy.  I highly recommend it to anyone, it really is enlightening.
• John Milton's Paradise Lost - Worst book I've ever read in my life.  I'd rather spend an eternity listening to Justin Bieber on repeat than read a single page of this book ever again.
• Sunzi's The Art of War - There's some cool stories in the book, but why do people brag about reading it?  Do you really need to know how to ambush a legion of Chinese pikemen from 500 B.C.?  Unless you get thrown into some sort of Bill and Ted's excellent adventure or gun a DeLorean to 88...Probably not.
• Jules Verne's A Journey to the Center of the Earth - Love the imagination, hate what a whiny bitch the protagonist is.  If I met him in real life, I'd karate chop him in the throat just so I didn't have to listen to him speak.
• Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson's - A Memory of Light - Book 14 of the nerdiest series I've ever read.  I didn't even care anymore, I just wanted it to end.
• Aesop's Fables - I wish I could memorize all of these, brilliant one paragraph stories with amazing morals. I recommend reading these on your phone whilst in the restroom.  If you don't do anything in there, that's just time you're not getting back, might as well learn something.
• Mark Twain's On the Art of Decay of Lying - Turns out this wasn't even a book, it was like two pages.  Perfect for my reading level and attention span.
• Brandon Sanderson's - Steelheart - A book based in futuristic Chicago, but some people have super powers.  Pretty good, Audible recommended it as their audiobook of the year
• Brandon Sanderson's - Warbreaker - I had credits for Audible books, so I chose this since it was like 30 hours long, which is great for long bus rides.
• Oliver Potzsch's The Dark Monk - Book two in a series about a 1600s Bavarian hangman, entertaining but a bit predictable
• Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra - One of the craziest books I've ever read, but absolutely amazing quotes and wordplay.  He's like a talented and successful version of me.  Will definitely read more Nietzsche

Currently reading:

• Homer's The Odyssey - I loved the Illiad, so hopefully this is just as good
• Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything - Probably one of the most fascinating books I've picked up.  It explains the complexities of the universe in a simple and humorous way.
• Hamilton Wright Mabie's Fairy Tales Every Child Should Know - I'm basically a big little kid, so I'm loving this.
• Henry David Thoreau's Walden - I'm three pages in and already want to stab my eyes out

What I wish I was reading, but can't afford since my family members never send me e-gift cards for Christmas or my Birthday/ Isn't available yet:

• George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) Book 6.
• Joe Nesbo's Harry Hole series - Mystery novels revolving around a genius cop
• Douglas Preston and Lee Child's Pendergast series - Mystery novels revolving around an albino Sherlock Holmes
• Robert Galbraith's The Silkworm - Pseudonym for J.K. Rowling - I will read anything that woman writes, because without her I probably wouldn't ever read or understand what it means to have an imagination.  She sued the publishers for releasing information that she was the true author of the first book and donated all the money to charity, plus she gives a portion of the book's revenue to charity as well.  Such a lovely lady, one of my heros