World ExploraSean: Noosa Everglades and Fraser Island

I decided to pack all my camping into one week as I tackled a 3 day self-guided tour through the Everglades, followed by a 3 day tour of Fraser Island, with only one day between for travel and rest. My Everglade trip left absurdly early, so I had to be up and standing outside my hostel at 7 AM, which is pretty rough when you usually wake up at 9 and then proceed to lay in bed until noon. My life is really hard, feel sorry for me.

After everyone arrived at the dock, we loaded up our gear into some waterproof containers and our food into eskies (coolers) before hopping onto a boat to cruise down to our starting point. There were ten of us total: Thierry from France; Roxy from the Netherlands; Marta, Marleen, Laura, Isabella, Hauke, Kim, and Patrick from Germany; and me. 5 men and 5 women...This was the type of respectable boy/girl ratio that was severely lacking in New Zealand. I paired up with Marleen because everyone else was creeped out by my Muppet Babies speedo.

Once we arrived to camp we had to set up our tents, so Thierry and I decided we could put a couple together. While everyone struggled to get all their tent gear out, the german guys (Patrick and Kim) had already assembled their tent...The efficiency of Germans is terrifying. Once our camp was set up, I got paired into a tent with Hauke, because none of the women would have me, something I'm sure they all regret!!! Since we had some time to kill, we went on a mini hike around the camping grounds.

Nature!

Taking my nice camera out on the river...a little water won't hurt it ;)

For our first night, we all made our dinners, which ranged from legit (Roxy - variety meat pack), average (Theirry - spaghetti bolognese), to terrifyingly awful (Sean - beans on untoasted, soggy bread with a moldy orange). Roxy and I were also the only ones that came prepared for the trip, meaning we were the only two that brought booze. She brought a couple bottles of bubbly, whilst I brought a 4 litre box of goon. Now for those of you who haven't been to Aus, goon is basically the cheapest, most terrible boxed wine you will ever experience. There is no actual brand called goon as so many people are led to believe, rather goon is the aboriginal word for pillow, because after you have drunk your giant pouch of wine, you can blow it up and use it as a pillow. What separates goon from other boxed wines is the superior ingredients, most notably fish eggs.

Appalled that others may be without libations, Roxy and I were quick to share with everyone. The men also decided to take a late night canoe trip. It was amazing to drift underneath the night sky with the moon and stars ablaze, hearing the cool breeze rustling through the trees, and having the subconscious knowledge that you are completely free. After we got back, I decided to take advantage of being away from city lights and set up a star time lapse. I cannot describe the terror that consumed me as I sat there alone in the dark and listened to the the spooky ass noises coming from the surrounding woods. For over an hour, I sat in fear of what was out there, thinking of all the different creatures that could end me and then I ran back to camp like a little girl, jumped into my tent and curled up in the fetal position until the sun rose.

This dude roamed our camp. Eddy the Lizard

The next day we canoed upriver for a few hours to a spot where we could hike up to the Sandpatch. Once we got there, we found a sign stating the path was closed due to wildfires. However, if I pay a bunch of money to go camping and every path is closed, I'm going to say fuck that brah and keep climbing. Now ladies, I think it's pretty clear that my body is incredible, but after completing the 6 km hike, I wasn't tired, was still super excited/enthusiastic, and was hardly sweating, which led the women to question how I was in such incredible shape. My only response was that I'm a god damn machine.

This sign was blocking our path... Too bad none of us could read...

I'm still blown away by how green it is here, the landscape is so similar to America

Sandpatch

I won't suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted... Surrender to nothing! (Attack reference, drink!)

That night we polished off the rest of the booze and ate some chips and snickers before convincing some of the girls to come out on a moonlight canoe trip with us. I ended up in the canoe with two girls and made sure I kept Hauke and that French bastard Thierry at bay! They weren't about to ruin the ratio I had going on. The next morning we went for a morning swim and hung out on the docks for a few hours before heading back to the starting point to get picked up and returned to Noosa.

The majority of the group was staying at Nomads, so we tentatively planned to meet there, depending on how far from our hostels it was. It was 3.3 km for me and 2.2 for Thierry and Isabella. The latter two passed on making the walk, but I didn't want to miss out on partying with everyone, so I made the journey. The bar had a free pizza night for people staying there, so Hauke slipped off his bracelet after grabbing some slices and handed it to me, allowing me to also get free pizza. There were also some bar challenges, a wet tshirt contest for the ladies and a wet jock contest for the men.

The ladies were pressing me to enter the competition, one even threatening to leave early if I didn't get up there. I'm not sure why I'm always the guy that people expect to take his clothes off in a bar, I feel like my life went wrong somewhere. However, no dudes signed up, so there wasn't even a competition. I did however enter the limbo challenge. I had no way of competing with the girls that were 5 feet tall (152 cm), but I was the last man standing.

I was only planning on staying out til midnight or so since I had to catch the bus in the morning, but the combination of booze and pretty women kept me out, so once again I ended up taking the long walk back to my hostel at 3 in the morning. I somehow awoke the next morning hangover free and caught my bus up to Rainbow Beach. I was fortunate to find that my hostel was right across the street from the bus stop as I was literally in the smallest town imaginable. It's really just a launching pad to get to Fraser Island, which is the largest sand island in the world.

Between South America, New Zealand and Australia, I have probably spent more time on buses than in my car this year

Before you are allowed to go to Fraser Island, you have to watch some really important safety videos. We learned that the strategy for avoiding a dingo (wild dog) is to cover your nipples and slowly walk backwards. I wasn't too worried though, since I was born without nipples. The right one is just a green mole and the left one is a grape skittle that I sewed on in the 8th grade. After the videos we did introductions with our groups. We had the most diverse group of the bunch: Irish - Jamie and Marie; English - Leonie, Alex, and Anthony; Dutch - Nikki; Columbian - Alejandro; and village idiot - myself. That night we had a few drinks to get to know each other and Marie told me I look like one of the dudes in One Direction, while an English girl, Vicki, told me I was adorable, to which everyone laughed and told me I was already in the friend zone. I feel like the women of the world conspire to emasculate me as often as possible. Someday they'll look at me at be like, "Damn, look at that chest hair. That there is a man!". I'm only about $4000 and some hair plugs away from living that dream!

The cool thing about Fraser Island is that you ride in a caravan of four cars, with only the lead car containing a tour guide, so the latter 3 cars are all driven by people on the trip. All the vehicles were manual, four-wheel drive SUVs. Being American, I wasn't trained to drive a manual car, so I just sat lazily in the back and took photos. Before leaving we loaded up our rides with all of our bags and food/alcohol. All the food was provided, but we would have to cook it; Alcohol was BYO.

After everything was loaded and we went through yet another safety lecture, we started to head to the beach where we would catch the ferry to Fraser. It's a given that your car will get stuck and everyone will have to get out and push, but we were hoping to at least make it to Fraser Island before that happened, but everyone got stuck on the beach leading to the barge. Did I take my shirt off before helping push the car? Nope, I showed some restraint for once!

Barge

The wild and dangerous dingo... They're adorable, I want one!

Once we got to Fraser, we drove along the beach where we saw an ominous amount of dead birds, jellyfish, and sea turtles, some of which had no heads, lining the shore. We also found a few dingoes roaming around, scavenging for some grub. We made a quick lunch stop to have some roast beef sandwiches and then prepped for the hardest driving of the trip, the route to Lake McKenzie. Knowing it would be brutal, we had our two best drivers (Alejandro and Jamie) handle getting there and back. I have never heard as much backseat driving in my life, but I'm pretty sure Alejandro blocked everyone out and acted like he was on a leisurely ride through town. Once everyone realized that this was child's play compared to the driving he did in South America, they still continued to backseat drive like crazy. However he just let his driving do the talking, as he didn't once get stuck, whilst the two cars behind us got stuck every 5 minutes.

We hung out at Lake McKenzie for an hour or so, during which our tour guide, Jimmy, who is a proper Aussie, started swimming the entire length of the lake and randomly popped up on the beach with a turtle in his grip. Once everyone had their fill of getting sunburnt, we made our way back to the camping ground. Jamie crushed the driving and luckily the other cars didn't get stuck nonstop, so we got back to camp in good time. That night we had to make our own dinner, but luckily Alex/Anthony didn't mind chopping and cooking, so they took the lead on making a killer chicken stir fry.

Lake McKenzie

Look at that smirk and chin rub! That's my kind of turtle!

We also got a fire going, as we were staying on the only campground on Fraser Island that allowed them, and started drinking. We played a game where you blow cards off a deck and you have to drink one second for every card you blow over. I apparently have the blowing power of the wolf in the three little piggies story, thus I was often downing my entire cup of goon. Goon goes down easy, but it gets you way more f'd up than beer if you're drinking it fast at 9.5%. After drinking games, we hung out by the campfire, then a few of us went to the makeshift nightclub (an ipod dock hooked up to a stereo system in a hut). One kid was going around pouring goon shots in everyone's mouth and the three other Americans on the tour told me to find them in 30 minutes if I wanted to get high.

But eventually, Alejandro and I ended up back at our tent, where our fellow tent mate Sjoerd (Stuart), was already passed out. We were talking to a pair of girls in the tent across from us for about 30 minutes and I was the one driving the conversation, but I don't remember anything I said. Then I was sitting out there by myself and attempted to stand up, but immediately fell over as the goon had cost me the use of my left leg, I have no idea how it happened, but my left leg lost all functionality and feeling for about two minutes. I tried to stand up a few more times, but kept falling, so eventually Alejandro helped me up and I walked over to the woods and made myself throw up, an amazing decision as I had no hangover the next morning. We also learned of some interesting things that happened during the night. One guy woke up in his tent and thought he was at a urinal so he peed all over the girl next to him and their entire tent was covered in urine, one girl had a massive panic attack at 2 in the morning, and another girl threw up all over her tent. The goon giveth, and the goon taketh away.

After having some eggs and tomatoes for breakfast, we set out to the Champagne Pools to chill out and relax. There were some really weird sponge type creatures that would absorb water and then spit it out, as well as some smaller fish. After leaving there we headed up to Indian Head, which is a lookout point where you can see turtles, stingrays, whales, etc.

Champagne pools

Just in case anyone forgot how awesome I am...

Indian Head

After catching the sweet views we grabbed some ham wraps for lunch and headed out to the Maheno shipwreck, which was a titanic type ship that was on it's way to get scrapped when it became detached and ended up on Fraser Island. To me it wasn't really that cool, because you couldn't go up and play on it, you could just stand there and look at the outside of the boat. I got a tetanus shot, let me roam that ship brah!!! Then we headed to Eli Creek, which is a stream with really pure water that you can drink out of...It is advised to take water out of the highest point in the stream as possible as the bottom is undoubtedly frothing with grime and urine, just like my underpants.

Maheno Shipwreck

Eli Creek

For dinner we had the world's smallest steaks and potatoes, which was pretty delicious, but big papa needs larger portions (Should I edit that last sentence and delete the fact that I referred to myself as big papa? ...Probably, but I won't). However, I came prepared for such travesties and busted out some mini snickers for everyone for dessert! That night we all sat around the fire and drank some more goon before turning in for some much needed rest.

However, I was awoken at 2:30 AM by what I can only classify as being a symphony of snoring. It was the most horrendous 90 minutes of my life, as I tossed and turned and tried to block out the absurd amount of snoring that was attempting to break the sound barrier. One girl also wet herself and consequently soaked the other girl in her tent as well... I guess you could say she... dampened the mood (Bwahaha pun times!). Being drunk on goon is a whole different beast than normal booze. I also found that both nights Sjoerd and I were sharing half the tent while Alejandro had a whole side to himself. I'm not sure if it was out of fear that Alejandro might be a Columbian drug lord, or if Sjoerd felt like based on my long hair I was woman enough to spoon.

The next morning we had some cereal and then headed up to Lake Wabby, which is a green lake made out of rainfall. It was a 2km walk to get there, which was child's play to me, but devastating for the Europeans, such softies! We also all got to witness Marie's extreme sunburn. I have seen some bad sunburn in my life, but she turned from white to the color of Satan in South Park in less than 48 hours. After getting annoyed with the bugs at the lake, we headed out for a final lunch of cheese sandwiches. However, we also had some leftover peanut butter and strawberry jam, so I introduced the others to the american classic known as the peanut butter and jelly sandwich aka the PB&J. It was a revelation to Jamie's taste buds and I'm pretty sure it's a permanent addition to his diet. It's the perfect snack....other than a smore, which Europe doesn't have the ingredients to make! I mean seriously, fellow earthlings, you are allowed to have graham crackers.

Hiking with Jamie and Marie

i either flex, jump, or am shirtless in all photos

Lake Wabby

Once we got back into town, the first thing I did was update myself on the important news of the world: Yeti DNA could be linked to polar bears instead of apes and there’s been new discoveries of giant river monsters in Brasil. I also ran into three of the German girls from my Noosa trip, Marta, Marleen, and Laura, so we hung out and had dinner while waiting for their bus to arrive. Later that night our Fraser crew met up at the hostel bar for a few drinks and some karaoke. Sjoerd was pretty much an honorary member of our group at that point, so he joined us onstage for a ear-splitting rendition of Wonderwall. I hung out in Rainbow Beach for a few more days before heading up to Airlie Beach for a cruise around the Whitsundays, but that my friends is a story for another blog.

Group Photos