I Ain't Got A Home, I'll Forever Roam

A few people have asked me to start writing again, so I'm finally giving in and typing away.  So what have I been up to in the past year?  Well after backpacking across various parts of the world, I basically realized I could never live in the midwest again, so I applied for a British passport, and set my sights on moving to London.  Now a few things to note when applying for a British passport.  If your brother wants to piggyback off your application and get his passport as well, make sure his reading aptitude is higher than that of a loaf of bread. If not, he might just send you the wrong forms, or take the wrong sized passport photos, or fill out the section of the application that indicates he is mentally retarded and needs a co-signer, or all three of those things.  Such things may delay you from getting your passport by a month... Yup.

In order to avoid winter in KC, I road tripped (without a cell phone or GPS) to Orlando and passed my days by walking my sister's pugs with my bro in law, Craig.  Nothing weird about two dudes taking two pugs out on a walk.  Or having Broga sessions.  Or watching WWE.  I also helped my friends, Skylar and Jamie, renovate their house, since they moved to Sarasota during my time abroad.  Our nights were passed with vodka sodas, microbrews, and using power tools.  Probably not the safest combination, but I can now say I've used  a jackhammer and wet saw, installed toilets and kitchen cabinets, tiled an entire house, and successfully wired a three-way electrical switch.  But finally, after four long months, my passport arrived!  Thus I drove back to Kansas City to manny my niece, who is my favourite (whoaaa British spelling) little human in the world, whilst preparing for my move to the UK.  And yes, I love saying whilst.

Pug life!! 16 hours of sleep per day.  That's the dream.

My sister had the pleasure of running a 5k with the Ultimate Warrior and Macho Man Randy Savage... However, I'm not sure how much pleasure she derived from watching me run it in a speedo.

Super Baby!! Oh how I miss listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat...

Long story short: After a month or so in KC, I sold my car, bought a one way ticket to Manchester, got offered a job in London 5 days later, spent two weeks with my cousin, aunt and uncle up in Huddersfield, flew back to America for two days of training, flew across the Atlantic a third time that month and then had two weeks to find a flat in London.  In the end, I found my flatmates on Gumtree (i.e. Craigslist) and now live in the Shoreditch area of London, where I eke out a meager existence.  Coincidentally if you are on Gumtree and see and ad for a GigiLowe... I mean that's the best 7 quid you're ever gonna spend. Just saying.

So here's the deal. Now that I'm a professional business man again, I've got to keep this blog somewhat respectable.  That means no writing about Swedish girls, recreational drug use, pooping in the ocean, or getting a phosphorescent boner.  Of course, there are a few things this blog will continue to feature: Providing factual information and respecting women.  Unless that woman is Canadian, we all know how I feel about those filthy hosers.

So how is life as a professional business man?  Well, not working for 2 years was basically the greatest decision I ever made, so going back to work has been absolutely brutal.  My team is all dudes, so I have no one to flirt with or play pranks on.  It's awful.  What the hell am I supposed to do all day? Work?  I need to find a job where I get paid to travel or write... Or both since those are the two things I'm passionate about!

Now, some people think that because I have a good job and wear $6000 suits that I should stay in hotels and take flights... WTF?!  Do I look like I'm made of money to you? I mean I'm only wearing a $4000 sweatsuit as I write this blog. When I travel, I take buses and I stay in hostels.  The less luxuriously you travel, the more you can travel, and I've got mountains to climb in Africa and penguins to dance with in Antarctica.

I've visited quite a few places in the UK, but I am way too lazy to blog about them, so here's a bunch of photos:

Edinburgh, Scotland

If I was king of the castle, I'd reflect on the fact that it's now Autumn.  And then I'd watch my enemies fall like leaves. 

It doesn't get much better than Scotland - Rolling hills, ocean, mountains, friendly people.  It's paradise.

Not counting England, I've been to 8 countries in my first 5 months here... Not too shabby

Cardiff, Wales

All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach, but here I stand in Cardiff with my toes in the sand.  Use the sleeves on my sweater, let's have an adventure.  Head in the clouds, but my gravity's centered....

Lake District, England

I'm just an animal in fancy clothes...Or am I?

When I walk away from people I frequently hear things like "What a bum" or "What an ass".  I think this picture makes it clear why.  #Bootylicious #BeyonceWishes

Brighton / Seven Sisters Cliff, England

That sun really knows how to Brighton up your day.  Eh, eh??  Bwahaha, my terrible puns are back with a vengeance

Never in my life would I have imagined England looking like this.  Beautiful.

Peak District, England

Spooky

I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.  Said I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.  No, I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.

So yeah, that's my life.  Whilst I've been good about exploring the UK, I'm pretty much the worst tourist of London, as I have yet to take any pictures with my Canon or GoPro, but I'll get there :)

I've also randomly been to Denmark, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, and Paris.  But I'll save that for another time ;).   Cheers


Random GoPros

York is amazing, despite the fact they make a shit peppermint patty

My favorite thing about the GoPro is never knowing what the photo looks like until you plug it into your computer.  So much fun.

So I guess I am now officially Eurasian, but if you play your cards right, I might just be your Asian ;)

At least half of me wants to steal one of those boats and take off again.  Want to run away with me?

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground.  Try this trick and spin it, yeah.  Your head will collapse, cus there's nothing in it, and you'll ask yourself, "Where is my mind, where is my mind? Where is my mind?" 

My number one spot in the UK so far.  Lake District is where it's at.  This pic is surreal, it's almost like a painting.

A lot of people will tell you how to live your life, explain to you what you're doing wrong, what you should be doing... When this happens to me, the only thing that goes through my mind is "My life is pretty awesome, so you can go fuck yourself" ;)

 - William Wordsworth (Famous poet from the Lake District)

Not quite a white sand beach...but I'll take it!!!

My little escape a few hours South of London

WHY DID I CUT MY HAIR?!?!? This is why you shouldn't let me make decisions sober, they're always terrible.

So envious of this dude's hair.  It's majestic.  It's everything I once had.  I'm just a shell of myself without my hair. Why? Why would I cut it? Why would I get rid of my best feature. It was just idiotic. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life.  I don't know where it all went wrong.  I just, I'm just feeling really vulnerable right now. I mean like one or two Appletinis and you could totally have your way with me.

I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference

If you want to see these places for yourself, then how about we play a little game of red rover, and you send yourself on over...

Damn you Justin Bieber.  Why do you always get the exact same haircut as me, like 3 months before I do.  It's so frustrating.