Sunday, October 25, 2015

And So It Begins...

One out of every three times I'm introduced to someone, they greet me by saying, "You are the most attractive man I have ever seen in my entire life."  That has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this blog post.  It just thought it needed to be addressed.

Living in Europe is dangerous territory for me.  I've already decided that I don't even remotely care about saving any money over the next two-three years.  I'm basically just here to go nuts and travel to as many places as I possibly can, so after having been on quite a few UK trips, I decided to get out.  Thus I opened up Skyscanner and typed in the following, "From: London To: Everywhere".

And BOOM, cheap flights to Copenhagen!!!  Before I can even begin to discuss the actual city, one thing needs to be covered.  How are there so many good looking women there?  It is disproportionate to a level that borders on the impossible. I mean, if that is what heaven is like, then I'm ready to lay in a coffin.  It all boils down to my theory of hot women in cold places.  The colder the climate, the hotter a woman needs to be to survive.  It's science.  So on top of being attractive, friendly, and incredibly nice, these Danes can also speak like five languages.  I just had to use autocorrect to even spell the word five.  I thought it was spelled fife, and English is my only language! Thus, if you ever go to Copenhagen, know that you're spending a weekend in a place where everyone is better than you in literally every way imaginable. Just accept it.
I love how the streets are always full of people walking in Europe, so different than the U.S.
I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Living life just like I should, wouldn't change it if I could. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good!
Copenhagen is so cool!  It was the first time I ever actually felt like I was in Europe.  The center of the city is full of old buildings and twisting alleyways, yet mixed with modern shops and a ton of restaurants with outdoor seating.  The canal is full of boats, some of which have pirate sails!!!  Why the hell would you buy a yacht, when you could own a pirate ship?  I hereby vow to pillage and plunder 'til I have torn the world asunder. However, this is in no way supersedent to my original oath, the one in which I solemnly swore that I was up to no good.

I also got really lucky, because I randomly found out that my friend Stine lives there!  That's one of my favourite things about backpacking, you never know who you'll end up meeting again.  She was even nice enough to let me hang out with her friends (all of whom were hot) and even gave me a tour of the city, which included a trip to Denmark's number one tourist site: A statue of The Little Mermaid.  It is definitely the worst tourist attraction I have ever seen in my life!  In a city full of astounding beauty, 1 million people go to look at that.  I don't understand why.  There's no picture coming, it's not worthy.  I was also treated to Smorrebrod, which is the Danish version of lunch.  It was so good.  Take me back!!!

After my random weekend trip to Copenhagen, I decided to save up my holiday for when my brother Bryn came to visit.  He decided to take a break from working in L.A. and spend a few months in Europe, so I joined him for a 10 day stretch through Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, and Vienna.  I don't even want to describe how awful my overnight bus from London to Amsterdam was, so I'll summarize in fragmented sentences of strife and anguish.

A drunken 50 year old couple sat next me, the lady sat on me multiple times, even rested her head on my shoulder at one point.  They stole the seats of the Brasilians in front of me.  They yelled at each other. They broke up. All of this was really fantastic, since we were trapped on a bus.  When we finally reached the ferry from England to France, they parted ways.  When we had to get back on the bus after arriving in France, they were 30 mins late, but at least they were back together again.  And luckily, I got to sit next to the happy couple again for the next four hours.  Why does the universe hate me?  And why do I keep booking buses when I can afford planes and trains?  I'm starting to wonder if I secretly hate myself.
Ahhh the 4 ingredients of beer.  Barley, Hops, Yeast, and Purple
The view from atop the Heineken Brewery
Amsterdam is known for two things: Drugs and hookers.  However, I must say, it was pretty tame.  Possibly because I was there with my brother and I don't feel comfortable selling my body in front of him or possibly because smoking in public has become more regulated in recent years.  However, at one point, I did witness a father walking his son through the Red Light District.  Who said Amsterdam isn't a family destination?  Also, just for clarification, it's not like I went to the Red Light District on purpose, you know, me and big bro just happened to meander through. And maybe we stumbled into a coffee shop that sold a special kind of brownie as well, I mean how am I supposed to know what actions I'm taking in life, I'm drunk most of the time.

Outside of the main city centre, Amsterdam is full of museums, but in all honesty you can see everything within a day just by walking around.  We also took a night tour through the canals, toured the Heineken Brewery, and founds a random, free festival in one of the parks.  One awesome thing about the parks is that random dudes just walk around selling you ice cold beers for a couple Euros.  You gotta love Europe!!!  Two days were definitely enough though, so we packed up our bags and headed to Berlin.

Bryn randomly had a connection in Berlin, so we were able to crash with a friend of a friend, who is now officially just a friend - Taron!  He randomly moved back to Berlin from Washington D.C. like two days before we arrived, but was still cool to let us crash with him and his flatmate Rene.  It's crazy how connected this world is through modern technology, allowing you to randomly find people in your social network all over the world.

The first thing that comes to mind when hearing Berlin, is that it would be a lot cooler if it was called Merlin. It could be a city laced with magic instead of having a history so tragic.  Berlin is a bit different than the other European cities I've visited due to the fact that 80% of it was bombed out during various wars, so most of the infrastructure is quite modern.  It's also insane that the Berlin Wall divided East and West Germany until 1989.  It's pretty crazy to think that I'm older than modern day Germany!
As Tobias Funke once said, "I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks"
Lake Wannsee.  Luckily it wasn't full of naked old dudes like the parks in the city.  Seriously.  If you ever take a Thursday afternoon stroll through a park in Berlin, it will literally be a sausage fest.
My friend Sandra, from our Machu Picchu trek, recommended that we do the Berlin walking tour which basically takes you along the border between East and West Germany and shows you the historic sites from over the years.  This is why it pays to stay in touch with your travel friends, such good advice! Germany has been through a ton of wars, both ancient and recent, so it has an incredible amount of history.  Through the tour you get to see Brandenberg Gate, Hitler's tomb, a bit of the Berlin Wall, and an air conditioned Starbucks, which provides amazing respite in the 35 degree heat (That's like 100 Fahrenheit for you stupid Americans)!  If you are only in Berlin for a few days, it's definitely worth checking out as you get to see a ton of famous sights and it only takes four hours.

We also managed to see the main part of the Berlin Wall that has all of the graffiti and even went to a lake, as Berlin is randomly known for them!  However, there's one thing that people come to Germany for, and that is beer.  The beer is sooooo good.  In the U.S. I always went with mixed drinks, but ever since moving to Europe I pretty much only drink beer.  Since we were on a limited timeline, we had to move on from Berlin after a few days, so we headed to Prague.  Gotta love being able to bus between European cities for under 20 Euros!!

Big bro and I stayed in the Old Town, which is the area that is within walking distance of the most popular tourist attractions.  It was also the only city on the entire trip where we stayed in a hostel!!!! I get so nostalgic about living poor sometimes.  The architecture in Prague is amazing, from the massive cathedral in the castle grounds to the towers to the bridges to the winding alleyways.  It's definitely one of the coolest cities that I've ever been to.  Plus they have their own currency, yet another to add to my collection.
It's insane that people figured out how to create these massive structures hundreds of years ago and I can barely build the lego structures marked Ages 5+
If I ever ask you to run away with me... You should probably say yes :)
Take my love, take my land. Take me where I cannot stand. I don't care, I'm still free. You can't take the sky from me.  Take me out to the black. Tell them I ain't coming back. Burn the land and boil the sea. You can't take the sky from me.
For our final stop, we decided to head to Vienna.  We lucked out here as well, as our friend Dustin randomly moved there a few years ago, so he let us stay with him and his girlfriend, Lisa.  Who would have guessed that three kids from a tiny town in Iowa would make it so far, with two of us living in Europe?  He was even nice enough to meet up with us at the bus station and act as our tour guide for the weekend.

Out of the four cities Bryn and I saw during our trip, I would say Vienna was my favourite.  It's such an easy city to travel around and all of the buildings are picture worthy.  Plus you can walk around in broad daylight and drink in the streets, I mean what more do you really want in life?  Dustin also took us to some local places that we never would have found as tourists and introduced us to ThanksKilling, which is probably the best movie I've ever seen.  On our last day, we even found a psychedelic carnival on our way to the airport.  I am going to have to go back next summer so I can see it lit up at night!  Ahh it was so good to travel again, to live cheap, and eat kebab like my life depended on it.
I randomly rediscovered Blink 182's live album - The Mark, Tom and Travis Show on Spotify this week.  So nostalgic.
Who needs a palace when you can lay in a hammock on an island and watch the stars spiral through the night sky?
Finally, a hotel that suits my personality.
Du bist sehr schon :)
For the final trip of this blog post, I was feeling a bit Seantaneous.  So one Thursday evening, at 10 PM, I opened my computer and randomly booked an overnight bus to Paris for the following evening.  I figured I would let my flatmates know I would be gone for the weekend, but when I went to tell them, Bee was like, "I've never been to Paris. Paolo, let's go.  Let's all go to Paris!!!!".  So just like that, all three of us had booked a trip to Paris by 1030!  I love it!  We arrived at 6 AM on Saturday, so we had the full day to explore. We saw Notre Dame, the outside of the Louvre, Montmartre, Moulin Rouge, the Arc de Triomphe, and a ton of other places before finally heading to the Eiffel Tower at night.

I will be the first to admit that I had no desire at all to go to Paris before spontaneously booking this trip.  I thought Paris would be this really cliche, cheesy city that was super boring.  However, I must admit that it's pretty damn cool.  The Eiffel Tower at night is probably one of the impressive things I've ever seen.  You have no idea how massive it is until you are standing underneath of it.  It's insane.  I also had no idea that the outside was covered in tiny lights, so the tower puts on a crazy light show at the top of every hour.  It's so good!!!  And the views from the top! Oh baby.  It's just awesome, there's no other way to describe it.
I got so down I held the world for ransom.  Lonely, bored, and bad thank god I'm handsome. So handsome.  I'm as awful as they come, oh what a pity.  So I thank the lord above that I am pretty. So Pretty 
You have to go at night
I need to bring a pretty girl here....
Our bus didn't leave until 1130 PM the following evening, so we decided to start off day two at The Louvre.  I'm not into art, even slightly, but I would happily spend days in The Louvre.  It is so amazing, in fact, I had to create entire section of photos in this post just for it.  After touring the Louvre, we spent the afternoon chilling at the Eiffel Tower and taking a cruise along the canal.  It was outside the tower that I realized Bryn had stolen my GoPro tripod mount upon leaving Europe, ruining my time lapse capabilities.  I literally own 4 things that are worth over $100 (Other than my suits, both track and formal, which are all valued in the thousands): My MacBook, my Canon 7D, my GoPro, and my Kelty backpack. On top of the GoPro, I discovered last week that he tore a hole in the side of my backpack as well. So out of my four valuables, he impaired two of them.  What a filthy, fucking hipster.
Louvre me, Louvre me, say that Louvre me. Fool me, fool me. Go on and fool me.
I challenge you to find the painting of the guy wearing sunglasses if you ever come here.
This is exactly how I would want to be enshrined if I wasn't immortal
The Moai of Easter Island
I want to go to Egypt so bad...  Damn you Louvre, you make me want to travel even more.
So that's my life in Europe.  It's pretty awful being able to travel wherever I want on any given weekend.  I really don't know how I'm going to get through the next few years, it's really depressing. I'm not sure where I'm headed next, but now that I'm caught up on my blog, I might just find the motivation to keep it current.  Until next time...


Random GoPros
It's a magical feeling that no one's got a hold.  Your a catalyst to your own happiness, you know? This is your heart, it's alive. It's pumping blood. And it's your heart, it's alive. It's pumping blood.  And the whole wide world is whistling...
Something tells me I'll make it back to Copenhagen...
Oooh child, things are gonna get easier. Oooh child, things will get brighter. Cus someday you will walk through the rays of a beautiful sun, someday when the world is much brighter.
Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit.  Feelin lit, feelin light, 2 AM, summer night.  I don't care, hand on the wheel, driving drunk, I'm doing my thing.  Rolling the Midwest side and out living my life, getting my dreams.  People tell me slow my roll, I'm screaming out fuck that. I'm gonna do just what I want, and there ain't no turning back.  If I fall, if I die, know I lived it to the fullest. If I fall, if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets.
They call us the brothers Lowe, but in Amsterdam...We might have been a bit more elevated
It's a snail, but it's also a man, and there are trains colliding.  How does anyone understand art?
You can either be rich and sport a hot rod, or  you can be poor and sport a hot bod! ...I should probably go do some crunches
I'm a travelin man. I've made a lot of stops, all over the world.  And in every port, I own the heart of at least one lovely girl. I have a pretty senorita waiting for me down in old Mexico. And if you're ever in Alaska stop and see my cute little eskimo. (Ricky Nelson - Travelin Man)
I can't believe I sit in a cube all day...
St. Vitus Cathedral in Prague
Look how dirty those boobs are compared to the rest of the statue.  I think the tourists have been getting a little handsy....
American Horror Story - Psychedelic Carnival
The world's oldest Ferris Wheel and a really excited fat guy
Life is so good
I went in thinking I was going to be totally disappointed, but it's incredible.  Paris is amazing.
She's heading for something that she won't forget. Having no regrets is all that she really wants. We're only getting older baby and I've been thinking about you lately.  Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?
I'm British now, you're just going to have to accept the One Direction references.
Paolo pondering life and deciphering art
I have the coolest flat mates!!!! I still can't believe we spontaneously took an overnight bus to Paris!  So awesome :)
It's the best the world is feeling, like nothing can go wrong.  You're the decider of the world that you will get to know.  Cus it's your heart, it's alive.  It's pumping blood.  And it's your heart, it's alive.  It's pumping blood.  And the whole wide world is whistling...

Sunday, October 4, 2015

I Ain't Got A Home, I'll Forever Roam

A few people have asked me to start writing again, so I'm finally giving in and typing away.  So what have I been up to in the past year?  Well after backpacking across various parts of the world, I basically realized I could never live in the midwest again, so I applied for a British passport, and set my sights on moving to London.  Now a few things to note when applying for a British passport.  If your brother wants to piggyback off your application and get his passport as well, make sure his reading aptitude is higher than that of a loaf of bread. If not, he might just send you the wrong forms, or take the wrong sized passport photos, or fill out the section of the application that indicates he is mentally retarded and needs a co-signer, or all three of those things.  Such things may delay you from getting your passport by a month... Yup.

In order to avoid winter in KC, I road tripped (without a cell phone or GPS) to Orlando and passed my days by walking my sister's pugs with my bro in law, Craig.  Nothing weird about two dudes taking two pugs out on a walk.  Or having Broga sessions.  Or watching WWE.  I also helped my friends, Skylar and Jamie, renovate their house, since they moved to Sarasota during my time abroad.  Our nights were passed with vodka sodas, microbrews, and using power tools.  Probably not the safest combination, but I can now say I've used  a jackhammer and wet saw, installed toilets and kitchen cabinets, tiled an entire house, and successfully wired a three-way electrical switch.  But finally, after four long months, my passport arrived!  Thus I drove back to Kansas City to manny my niece, who is my favourite (whoaaa British spelling) little human in the world, whilst preparing for my move to the UK.  And yes, I love saying whilst.
Pug life!! 16 hours of sleep per day.  That's the dream.
My sister had the pleasure of running a 5k with the Ultimate Warrior and Macho Man Randy Savage... However, I'm not sure how much pleasure she derived from watching me run it in a speedo.
Super Baby!! Oh how I miss listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat...
Long story short: After a month or so in KC, I sold my car, bought a one way ticket to Manchester, got offered a job in London 5 days later, spent two weeks with my cousin, aunt and uncle up in Huddersfield, flew back to America for two days of training, flew across the Atlantic a third time that month and then had two weeks to find a flat in London.  In the end, I found my flatmates on Gumtree (i.e. Craigslist) and now live in the Shoreditch area of London, where I eke out a meager existence.  Coincidentally if you are on Gumtree and see and ad for a GigiLowe... I mean that's the best 7 quid you're ever gonna spend. Just saying.

So here's the deal. Now that I'm a professional business man again, I've got to keep this blog somewhat respectable.  That means no writing about Swedish girls, recreational drug use, pooping in the ocean, or getting a phosphorescent boner.  Of course, there are a few things this blog will continue to feature: Providing factual information and respecting women.  Unless that woman is Canadian, we all know how I feel about those filthy hosers.

So how is life as a professional business man?  Well, not working for 2 years was basically the greatest decision I ever made, so going back to work has been absolutely brutal.  My team is all dudes, so I have no one to flirt with or play pranks on.  It's awful.  What the hell am I supposed to do all day? Work?  I need to find a job where I get paid to travel or write... Or both since those are the two things I'm passionate about!

Now, some people think that because I have a good job and wear $6000 suits that I should stay in hotels and take flights... WTF?!  Do I look like I'm made of money to you? I mean I'm only wearing a $4000 sweatsuit as I write this blog. When I travel, I take buses and I stay in hostels.  The less luxuriously you travel, the more you can travel, and I've got mountains to climb in Africa and penguins to dance with in Antarctica.

I've visited quite a few places in the UK, but I am way too lazy to blog about them, so here's a bunch of photos:

Edinburgh, Scotland
If I was king of the castle, I'd reflect on the fact that it's now Autumn.  And then I'd watch my enemies fall like leaves. 
It doesn't get much better than Scotland - Rolling hills, ocean, mountains, friendly people.  It's paradise.
Not counting England, I've been to 8 countries in my first 5 months here... Not too shabby
Cardiff, Wales
All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach, but here I stand in Cardiff with my toes in the sand.  Use the sleeves on my sweater, let's have an adventure.  Head in the clouds, but my gravity's centered....
Lake District, England
I'm just an animal in fancy clothes...Or am I?
When I walk away from people I frequently hear things like "What a bum" or "What an ass".  I think this picture makes it clear why.  #Bootylicious #BeyonceWishes
Brighton / Seven Sisters Cliff, England
That sun really knows how to Brighton up your day.  Eh, eh??  Bwahaha, my terrible puns are back with a vengeance
Never in my life would I have imagined England looking like this.  Beautiful.
Peak District, England
Spooky
I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.  Said I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.  No, I ain't got a home.  I'll forever roam.
So yeah, that's my life.  Whilst I've been good about exploring the UK, I'm pretty much the worst tourist of London, as I have yet to take any pictures with my Canon or GoPro, but I'll get there :)

I've also randomly been to Denmark, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, and Paris.  But I'll save that for another time ;).   Cheers


Random GoPros
York is amazing, despite the fact they make a shit peppermint patty
My favorite thing about the GoPro is never knowing what the photo looks like until you plug it into your computer.  So much fun.
So I guess I am now officially Eurasian, but if you play your cards right, I might just be your Asian ;)
At least half of me wants to steal one of those boats and take off again.  Want to run away with me?
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground.  Try this trick and spin it, yeah.  Your head will collapse, cus there's nothing in it, and you'll ask yourself, "Where is my mind, where is my mind? Where is my mind?" 
My number one spot in the UK so far.  Lake District is where it's at.  This pic is surreal, it's almost like a painting.
A lot of people will tell you how to live your life, explain to you what you're doing wrong, what you should be doing... When this happens to me, the only thing that goes through my mind is "My life is pretty awesome, so you can go fuck yourself" ;)
 - William Wordsworth (Famous poet from the Lake District)
Not quite a white sand beach...but I'll take it!!!
My little escape a few hours South of London
WHY DID I CUT MY HAIR?!?!? This is why you shouldn't let me make decisions sober, they're always terrible.
So envious of this dude's hair.  It's majestic.  It's everything I once had.  I'm just a shell of myself without my hair. Why? Why would I cut it? Why would I get rid of my best feature. It was just idiotic. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life.  I don't know where it all went wrong.  I just, I'm just feeling really vulnerable right now. I mean like one or two Appletinis and you could totally have your way with me.
I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference
If you want to see these places for yourself, then how about we play a little game of red rover, and you send yourself on over...
Damn you Justin Bieber.  Why do you always get the exact same haircut as me, like 3 months before I do.  It's so frustrating.