Tuesday, January 21, 2014

No Suit No Life... and Erawan Elephant Paradise

Changed the width of my blog so I can make the pictures bigger ;).

My route to Bangkok was supposed to involve riding a boat from Ko Tao to Suratthani and then taking a bus to Bangkok. Instead I took a boat from Ko Tao to Ko Phangan, then got on a different boat to Surratthani...And by that I mean to the Surratthani pier that was an hour outside of town, from which I took a bus to the central bus station in Suratthani where I was assigned a number.  That number allowed me to board the third bus bound for Bangkok that evening... I started my journey at 10 am and finished at 5 am the next morning...WHEW!! The best part of the trip was being on the bus to Bangkok, because the top level of seats were full, so 9 of us had to cram into the bottom section with the bags that didn't fit under the bus.  But life is all about how you look at things, you can get mad or you can just think about how you now have another awesome bus story.  I chose the latter :)

When we arrived in the wee hours of the morning, I was expecting to be dropped off at a bus station, but we just got dropped on a random street corner. After having a bit of a wander, a dude in a military uniform told me to just turn left and I'd be at Khao San road, which is the backpacker hangout area. However, being that it was 5 AM, I couldn't check into a hostel yet, so I had to hang out in McDonalds for a few hours. I eventually found a hostel that let me check in at 7 AM and then had a walk around town, where I may or may not have accidentally entered the protest zone! I snuck past the barricade and snapped a few pictures. A week later I heard there was a motorcycle drive by killing 7 people there, so maybe I should be more cautious in the future.  Just because I smell like a cat, doesn't mean I have nine lives like a cat.

Khao San road is super touristy, just like China Town in Kuala Lumpur. There are vendor stalls everywhere, but they have some cool extras such as fake IDs and scorpions on a stick. The pad thai was only 30 baht ($1), as were the fruit shakes. You could even get a giant plate of fruit salad for 50 baht, it was amazing. It was there that I heard the single greatest sales pitch of all time. A guy was trying to sell me a suit and I was just like bro, look at me I can't afford a suit, and he just looked at me dumbfounded and said, "No suit, no life". Mental note, get a suit.
College Flashback:  Hey Von, what's the capital of Thailand?...Uhhhh Bangkok...BAM someone hits Von in the nuts (Don't feel sorry for him, he deserved it)
Tuk Tuk
Pollution is the new recycling
These mini-monuments of Thai officials are everywhere in Bangkok.  I replaced seven of them with pictures of MacGuyver
This is where I was dropped off at 5 in the morning...
Feelin the love!!!!!
Let's start a riot me and you cus a riot's overdue!!!
A lot more peaceful than I expected a protest to be
After chilling there for a night, I had to head up towards the airport to meet my brother Josh and our friend Anna, who were coming out to volunteer at the elephant park with me for a week. I ended up taking a shuttle to the airport and cabbing it from there because it was my cheapest option, but my cabbie had no idea where the hotel was, so he just dropped me off at a random street corner. After walking around asking directions, a local dude was just like, Hop on my scooter, I'll take you there.  Free ride!"  People are too nice! It's funny how good the little things are, instead of walking around for an hour, potentially becoming frustrated about getting lost, someone does a kind deed for you and you're happy. I made a mental note to do a good deed for the next person I met who needed help. A never-ending cycle of good deeds, that's a world worth living in.
Being in a real hotel room was amazing, that feeling when you get into the sheets and they're tucked in super tight, so you can't even wiggle your toes...that's the good stuff!   Josh and Anna arrived in middle of night and I was in my underwear, so I felt no need to hug them hello. The next morning we grabbed breakfast and then started to head to the main part of town to check out the large shopping center, but none of the hotels would allow us to check our bags there for a few hours;  The woes of being in the lower echelon of society. Thus we hit up Khao San road to grab lunch and book a minibus to Kanchanaburi.  Our mini-bus was pretty awesome. There were 10 people, luggage, and all these random boxes of shit that we kept dropping off along the three hour journey.   When we arrived in Kanchanaburi I was shocked to see that we were staying at a really nice bed and breakfast! The lady working reception was even a lady boy! Gotta love the diversity in Thailand.  

An actual hotel room...with two channels in English: Syfy and Universal!  If anyone needs an update on Sinbad or Criminal Minds, let me know...
Polluted Sunset
I love the signs in Thailand, they're all epic :)
The next morning I woke up from having a spastic coughing attack.  Taking this as a sign that my body was deteriorating, I went for a run. After breakfast we were picked up and taken to the elephant park. They were a little late in picking us up, so as if reading our minds the lady working at the B&B called them and then let us know they were running late. Thai people are really nice! I was expecting there to be like 6-10 volunteers when we rolled up and saw 5 cottage style bungalows, but it turned out we were the only 3 volunteers that week, so we each got our own room that came complete with electricity and a private bathroom! A clear upgrade from most places I stay. Twas also a week without wifi, which was probably good for me.

The elephant park was a little pricey at $400 for the week since your doing volunteer work, however the money is needed to take care of the animals and it's for a worthy cause. If I've learned anything in the past few months of travelling it's that money isn't always that important, sometimes it's how your spend your time that matters.
  Our leader for the week was Ging, who had previously worked in the larger elephant park in Chiang Mai, before heading down to help start the Erawan Elephant Paradise.  It was set up to take care of elephants that needed to be retired because they could no longer work in the field.  Even though elephants are supposed to be revered in Thailand, many suffer abuse at the hands of mahouts (elephant trainers).  One of our elephants, KraTing Dang had a gash in her trunk that would constantly leak snot, most likely a knife wound from disobeying her master.  Cruelty knows no borders.
In other words, don't be an asshole :p
Across the river from us were fancy resorts
My toilet was a little dirty... I don't even want to speculate how that stain came into existence...
Big room, river view...Amazingness
After dumping our bags we started our first task, which was cleaning banana leaves and then smashing them up with a giant wooden stick, which was how they used to separate rice grains back in the day before machinery existed. It was pretty archaic, but the end result is always better appreciated when the work is challenging.  After mashing the leaves with rice, bananas, and a few other ingredients, we rolled them to resemble softballs and then loaded them up into the sweetest pickup truck I have ever been so we could take them down to the elephants. The truck was really cool, you had to hand crank the engine before starting it. I've never seen anything like it.

We then met our elephants, all of whom I could relate to based on the following characteristics; KraTing Dang was the biggest, strongest, and most mischievous, Sombat had a deformed ankle thing going on, and Tong Poon was always friendly and cheerful. All the elephants were females, as the male elephant that was with them, Sri Noom, passed away a few weeks before we arrived. Since elephants are sacred in Thailand, when an elephant dies, a giant grave is dug and a monk comes out to perform a ceremony to honor them.
Feeding an elephant is one of the most incredible experiences of my life. You just wait for them to put their trunk in front of you and then you place the food there and watch the trunk in action, it's the coolest appendage ever. The elephants love bananas and would practically rip them out of your hand with their trunks. KraTing Dang's trunk is like the most powerful handshake grip imaginable and the way their trunks move is astonishing. So much dexterity, strength, and quickness.
Trunk vs. Tail...I vote trunk
Apparently elephants are always crying.  Ladies, don't you let no tears quench the thirsty ground
After lunch we headed out to cut some grass that was roughly 4 meters high. Me wielding a machete, every woman's fantasy, yet every other living creature's nightmare. After getting all sweaty, with the drops beading each perfectly defined crevice of my abs, which God once referred to as his most significant masterpiece, we headed back to the park and washed the elephants in the river. As soon as we washed the ladies, they started grabbing dirt with their trunks and blowing it all over themselves. Tong Poon started rolling into the dirt embankment, preferring to maintain a dirt-laden exterior. They're such funny creatures, so much personality and vibrancy.  But it wasn't all fun in the sun, we had to get dirty as well.
The crew scooping up elephant poo with dignity and grace
The park also had a few cats and dogs who became pseudo pets, as well as some noisy roosters. But you just learn to roll with all the wildlife, because you're in their home, just visitors passing through. One of the cats always managed to show up exactly when food arrived, earning her the name Sawatdee (Hello) Kitty. The only sounds that you can't really get used to were the sound barrier breaking advertisements from trucks. Trucks drive by with full stereo systems, blaring advertisements that can probably be heard from over a kilometer away. It's unlike anything I've ever witnessed.
Josh was able to get a perfect picture of Tong Poon next to her name plate...and here I was thinking my 5 months of photography made me skillful. Nope, it's all the camera baby!!!
Josh feeding Sombat (left) and Tong Poon
They go crazy for bananas...and what the hell is wrong with my arm, it's go the muscular definition of linguine.  I'm pretty sure Paris Hilton could out-lift me
Anna "accidentally" smothered this Gecko in bug spray, apparently she didn't get the memo about helping save the animals...
Josh also brought me two gifts from back home. The first was a Cadbury Crunchie Bar from my mom, which was really just a re-gifting from a package of chocolates that my cousin Ethan sent from England. The second was my old friend the flu. So on day three, I was curled into a ball when there wasn't a steady flow of diarrhea and/or vomit gushing forth from my orifices. Luckily it was only a 12 hour bug, so I was able to throw down some Pringles, Gatorade, and local vitamin drink called Man Some that night. I'm pretty sure I slept roughly 20 of 24 hours that day. However, when I awoke the next morning I looked majestic and powerful, like a butterfly emerging from it's cocoon, so it wasn't all for nothing.
The Y shaped tree coupled with the mountains looks like a heart.  My blog sends you it's love
During our remaining days at the elephant park we continued cutting down various types of vegetation for the elephants to eat, as well as clearing out a field so we could plant some banana trees, and chopping down some bamboo to make a fence around the new field. I was expecting the work to be longer hours/more taxing, but since the park has only been open a few months it's still in it's beginning stages and equipment is still in short supply. Our days were also a little bit easier than the regular workers, who started earlier and finished later than us. We always finished each day by washing the elephants in the river, which was a really cool way to wrap things up. We would just throw buckets of water over them and depending on how they felt they would wade into the river and submerge themselves.

On our last day, we took a trip to Sai Yok National Park to check out some waterfalls and also learned it was Children's Day in Thailand, so the little ittys were out in droves. Ging took us up to the water source, where there weren't any tourists, so we were able to swim in peace and have some fish eat the bacteria off our feet. I also witnessed some teenagers crash on their scooter as I was doing a time lapse up on a hill. They lost control going around a corner and then went into a field, with the kid in front flying over the handlebars into the ground. Luckily both kids didn't appear to be in too bad of shape as both got up and started limping around while their friends laughed at their misfortune.
I'm always chasing waterfalls
Oh to be a child and have the gift of boundless joy
The top of the waterfall
Bananas totally grow upside down, it's so weird!  Also: Yo Banana Boy (Boom, you've been palindromed again bitches)
Once you get away from the cities, the landscape of Thailand is beautiful...
The water source!!! So ridiculously clear
After a quick lunch, we started heading back to the elephant park, but first we stopped at a random patch of land that a group of monkeys plays at. The monkeys can get pretty viscous because they have gotten used to humans feeding them. One ran up to a lady and jumped up to the hand holding her food, so she screamed and dropped it, whilst the monkey laughed and ran off with his prize.
I want a tail!!!!!
Grabbing the tail, whispering gently in the ear...look at this monkey put on the moves
So cool! I wish I could chill on a tree like that
The next day, we had to head back to Kanchanaburi to catch a mini-bus back to Bangkok so Josh and Anna could make their flight to Phuket. Josh also swapped bags with me since his was bigger, giving me a few extra liters to hold more clothes.  I can finally have 2 pairs of underwear and a spare sock in case one gets a hole in it!  I decided that I would bus up to Chiang Mai, so I could check out Northern Thailand.  Ging was also headed that direction since he lives there, so with his assistance I was able to get on the same bus and we made the journey together.  He was also able to hook us up with cheap meals as he can read all the Thai prices. $1 for noodle soup with pork...amazing!
Testing out the new polarizer...
Destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes, cus I'm Mr. Brightside :)
The bus ride took 9.5 hours, so we didn't get in until about 2 in the morning. From there I had to catch a ride into town and then find a hostel. It took a while, but by 3 AM I had my own room to catch some sleep....until I woke up at 7, the time I was programmed to wake up after a week at the elephant park.  Bahhh, no rest for the weary.  Would I survive my encounter with the tigers in Chiang Mai unscathed or would I lose another bellybutton?  That my friends, is a story for another blog.

P.S. I have some cool elephant video, but my internet isn't fast enough to upload it, but maybe I'll try again next post ;)

Model Poses
Fresh raw sugar!!!
Hopefully this is the first and last time one of my bros gives me some sugar...
I look like a total bad ass in this photo
I am pretty much fully trained for a zombie apocalypse at this point
Never fuck with a Lowe Bro wielding a machete
While Josh and I stood around doing poses, Anna was actually using her machete
This bastard woke me up at 5 every morning
Donkey!!!
Sawatdee Kitty!!!!
I'm not sure which had the larger appetite....
Random GoPros


Some people push and shove their way into the front of the line to get a seat on the bus...I just embraced the lounge!
No Suit, No Life!!!!!
Fake IDs for whatever country you want... I will be returning to the US with a Chilean passport under the name Shitfuck Waffletits
Biggest spa pool ever 
Yup, that's what I got for Christmas.  Coryn takes care of my mail and Josh gave me his bag so they're exempt, but you other fools who call yourselves my siblings... Ever heard of an e-gift card, you cheap bastards
So cool, escalators that don't have stairs, they just glide down.
Me being a man
Me and the bro relaxing on one of the makeshift platforms overlooking the river
Riding on top of our bounty
Bath time!
Apparently one of the side effects of the flu is acquiring an 80s style hairdo
It's not easy getting an elephant to stand still long enough to paint it's likeness
That truck is a beast!!!
I saw a single red leaf 3 times in a week, still not sure what the universe is telling me
Did the accidental death and dismemberment life insurance policy I took out on Josh end last month or is still in play...Dammit I can't remember, he lives for now
They're so massive
Me and the 3 ladies :)
TONG POON!!!

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