Jungle Hiking

After getting a solid night's sleep, I was prepared for a long day of hiking through the jungle.  However, I soon realized I'd left all of my wet clothes out to dry... in the pouring rain...and I wonder why they call me SLowe.   We also got to experience coffee that was harvested directly from the forest with our breakfast, and for the second time that morning, I experienced an erection.   As we finished up our eggs and bread/jam, the ten year old girl from the family we stayed with decided it was a good idea to bring us the wild animal she caught that morning.

Crazy River Otter (and yes it took me 5 blog posts to realize i could enlarge pictures...screw you!)

My slightly less attractive brother, Josh, getting warrior designs painted on his face

After getting our faces painted we were ready to roll.  Our group divided into two factions, English speaking (American) and Spanish speaking (Chilean).  Since our tour guide had been calling us the pumas for the first day of the trip, the Chileans' tour guide decided to dub their group "the sexy pumas" to one up us.  To get my revenge I dropped a deuce on the narrowest portion of the trail so they would have to become the poo shoe pumas (Or simply the Poomas, if you prefer).  AMERICA!

Our large group and the local family we stayed with

Day two may have been my favorite day of the trip as we hiked through the jungle, around mountains, and had spectacular views of the river valley below.  You could even say they were...Amazong.  Alright, enough PUNishment, I'll get back to the story.  Our tour guide, Papapuma, gave us an overview of the land and explained that the ten year old girl, who caught the river otter, hikes 1.5 hours up to the top of the mountain to go to school every morning.  Realizing I was shown up by a little girl yet again, I plodded along in shame.

Take that little girl, your legs are too short to climb up here... bahahaha

If you fall, you die... unfortunately Bryn stayed afoot

As we hiked through the jungle we also saw some crazy, upside down flower that is used to create hallucinogens.  From reading my blog you probably realize that giving me drugs is a bad idea, so I was forced to trek on sober.  However I had heard that licking a toad can get you high, so I started to wonder...what about a giant snail?

For the second time that day, I found a meaning for the term, "snail trail"...   SNAILED IT!

After a quick stop in a town along the way for lunch, we were told we had an hour of downtime before we started up again.  Fearing we wouldn't get a chance to take some pictures of the river, Craig and I spent the entire hour trekking down a path to get pictures while everyone else napped.  It turned out the joke was on us, as the next three hours of the hike were along the river.  Universe 37, Sean 0. 

One of the many streams we crossed

Eventually we made our way to the other side of the river along a bridge I can only describe as being mildly stable as it swayed from side to side as you walked along it.  I hadn't seen girls swayed so easily since the last time I'd taken my shirt off.  After crossing (and grabbing a much needed gatorade), we made our way to some new terrain, which was basically just a rocky path along the river.  Once you get to the end of the path you get to cross the river again, only this time we were pulleyed across in a cart.

You fall in the river, you die... unfortunately Bryn made it across unscathed

After making it across, everyone was pretty exhausted, as we had been hiking for about six hours.  Luckily we only had 20 minutes until we reached the hot springs according to Papapuma... which, as we had learned to convert his time estimates, meant we were only 45 minutes away from the hot springs!  It was a glorious moment when we arrived, with the only downfall being you couldn't drink while in the hot springs.

When I heard hot springs I was thinking some pools of muddy hot water, but it was more like a resort!

As I slowly sauntered towards the hot springs, I worried about the repercussions of having two forces of scorching hotness drawing so close to each other.  I could feel the suspense building as all eyes approached my entrance, and as my left foot entered the water, I heard a collective exhalation from the crowd and the single caw of a condor, who was unsure if this sudden rise in temperature was a sign of Armageddon.  As my washboard abs graced the waters, a giant fog of steam spread throughout the mountains, allowing every animal in the forest to experience what it's like to be in a sauna.  At this point it was clear that if I stayed in those waters any longer everyone else would boil to death, so I had no choice but to get out and drink a beer instead, thus lowering my body temperature to a level mere mortals could survive.  

After hanging out in the hot springs for about an hour, we all got out and took the most amazing showers ever.  On the far edge of the springs is a landing where all the dirty pool water rushes out like a waterfall shower.  Luckily Leslee was on top of things and had enough shampoo and body wash for everyone.  Afterwards, we had a few beers and South American Doritos before electing to take a bus to to our hostel instead of spending another hour hiking (which likely meant 3 hours in papapuma time).

Luckily the rain didn't start until after our hike!

After getting dinner and a few beers, we decided it was time to have a dance off with the Sexy Poomas.  Little did we know, Josh had picked up all sorts of dance moves during his travels and our other American member, Kathryn, had mastered the creepy slow pelvic thrust.  With such a deadly array of moves, we lit up the dance floor... and by dance floor I mean the open area of the hostel that the roof didn't cover.  Not wanting to be shown up, the Chileans busted out dance moves that I can only describe as being Nsync.  There were no winners of the dance contest, but anyone watching can confirm there were clearly losers.

The sexy pumas tearing it up on the dance floor

After our dance off, a few of us decided to take it to the next level and hit up a disco club.  Craig tore it up crip-walking and the Chileans showed us their dance off moves were just the tip of the iceberg.  It was also during this time that we realized how Josh managed to afford all of his trips abroad, as he displayed moves on the stripper pole that I can only describe as being erotically charged.  Realizing that no nightmare could compare to what I had just witnessed and an overwhelming urge to burn the images from my mind, I decided to head back to our hostel and sleep it off.  We needed the rest as we would spend the next day zip lining, but that is a story for another blog.