From Trips in Bali to Tripping My Ballsies

Since our monkey sanctuary trip went so well, we decided to go on a snorkeling trip to Turtle Island, which houses a turtle farm of sorts...  We got to ride there in a glass bottom boat, which was just a normal boat with a small Plexiglas window in the middle, but expectations should be in line with prices. The snorkeling in Bali was disgusting in comparison to Australia due to the thousands of kilograms of trash and debris floating through the water, at one point I saw a half eaten box of noodles floating about 5 meters deep in the water.  I'm not sure on the physics of how that is possible, but clearly it's not natural.  Rising water levels and flooding...Scientists usually reference global warming (climate change), but I'd have to think the displacement of water from all that rubbish plays a vital role as well.  I'll fix it all someday ;).

Glass bottom boat...not what I expected

Nothing wakes you up quite like swimming in the ocean...

After swimming in the soy infused waters, we headed to Turtle Island to scope the wildlife, but I was pretty disgusted to see how they were treated. Every creature looked more depressed than I was after realizing I can't download the Justin Bieber and Susan Boyle Christmas albums whilst on the road.  There was a turtle with a broken shell, a snake that's confined to a container, and isolated monkeys, birds, and bats, licking rust off their cages. All these animals were awake during day, even though some are naturally nocturnal. In addition they're not all solitary creatures, so seeing them stuck alone in such dire circumstances is pretty abysmal.  Whenever you think of bats or monkeys you think of them being in large groups, never alone like that, a cruel twist of fate.  The heart breaks and the head shakes, but no actions the world takes.  This was one of the rare travel days that I didn't enjoy.

That is one depressed turtle

They throw dozens of baby turtles into bathtubs 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop...uh one, two, three (CRUNCH!)

This bat is actually quite stunning, not scary like I imagine most bats

This is how I sleep, naked and upside down

After getting back to the hostel, I decided to go for a run shirtless in the rain, because that's how I attract the local women and get goods at a discount. When I got back there was a little drama with one of the guests, who was being kicked out. The hostel had an age limit of 35, but there was an American lady there who was closer to 50. She put up a hard luck story about her situation, claimed that the cleaning ladies or someone had removed some money from her room, and hadn't paid for her accommodation for a few days. After getting told to leave, she was crying her eyes out, so a few of us pitched in some money to help her out or forgave her of the debts she owed them, the compassion of backpackers, being quite universally extraordinary. That night we also hit up the dance clubs in Kuta, where I learned that Indonesian Red Bull can eradicate any notions or need of sleep I once had.  I'm also convinced I need to attend Bastian's (Amsterdam) Dance Academy, kid has the dancing supremacy of Kevin Bacon and Patrick Swayze all in one.

In order to rebound from the Turtle Island experience, we decided to rent a car the next day and head to Kuta Beach and then head to a famous temple, Tanah Lot. We also discovered that the hostel owner had given the woman who was kicked out a generous amount of money to help her on her way, before she accepted our money, meaning she basically conned money out of us. Americans...This is why people have a negative connotation of us. Is it really that hard to be a good, responsible person? Ergo, I now tell everyone I'm from Canada City, Canada, and I say it with pride.  I fucking love Canadians!

When we arrived in Kuta, a few of the people in our group wanted to go surfing, which was made easier by the fact that Adam is from California, so he obviously knew how to ride waves and could give free lessons, so Bastian, Emma, and Becca (England) rented some boards to try and catch the waves. While they were failing miserably at surfing, Peppe rocked some juggling, Leo went for a swim, and I snapped a few pictures.

Kuta Beach

Surf's up bitches!

After grabbing a quick lunch, which consisted of the worst fish and chips my taste buds and lower intestines have ever been subjected to, we made our way to Tanah Lot. Timing is of the essence when planning a trip to Tanah Lot, because the temple is only accessible during low tide, due to the fact that it's built upon rocks jutting forth from the ocean. I was basically in seventh heaven in this place as there were several small temples/shrines and coastline views that were unbelievable for photos. There was even a bride getting her wedding photos taken upon the beaches there.

Amazing coast line and black sand beaches

The bride in white

Batu Bolong Temple

Tanah Lot Temple

Sunburst

Most of the group had to disband the following day, as most of the guys were headed to the Gili Islands. I was locked in for another night at the hostel, so I took a down day to catch up on laundry, buy some amazing neon green swim trunks, and finish cooking the remainder of my groceries, and inspire everyone else I met with my beautiful soul and devilish charm... Alright it's probably more likely I put them off with my clumsy antics and smelly farts, but this is my blog, so I can change history!  The next morning I took off to meet up with the boys on Gili Trawagan (aka Gili T), the largest of the three Gili islands.

I arrived at 3 in the afternoon, met with the guys and explored the hostel, then took shrooms, because I couldn't turn down Peppe's sales pitch, "We won't eat dinner until 8, so maybe we do shrooms and walk around the island since we have four hours to kill"...Besides, I was feeling young and reckless!  Thus, for the first time in my life, I tripped balls. Apparently the trick to doing shrooms (mush as the rest of the world calls them) is to consume them on an empty stomach, which worked out perfectly for me since I had skipped lunch. It's also essential that you are in a good mood when you do them, because they enhance your mood happy or sad and you definitely don't want a bad trip.

View from Gili T, you can see the other Gili Islands and Lombok in the background

Leo, Peppe, and I took the shrooms, while Adam and Bastian stayed sober to guide us through the experience. I have to believe that going to an unknown island that is bursting with colors is the ideal way to experience shrooms for the first time, but I'm incredibly self absorbed so I'm always going to believe the way I do things is the best way ever. You have no idea what's coming around the bend and Gili T only has one street that circles the entire island, so it's basically like walking through a video game level of Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter.

As we wound our way around Gili T on an epic quest to walk around the island in it's entirety, we ended up settling for a group of huts instead, about 20 minutes in to the 2 hour walk. They were amazing, with a giant cabana at each end and smaller ones in the middle. Staring into the sky on my left everything appeared to be a soothingly calm blue, clouds drifting into a distant horizon, while to my right, the smaller Gili Islands sprouted up before Lombok, the giant rainforest, covered volcanic island. Above Lombok the sky appeared to be a fiery red, clouds swirling in an abhorrent rage above the mountains. it was the most spectacular display of colors I have ever seen in my life.

Gili sky during sunset

As fascinating as the sky was, the sand, the cabanas, and people's faces were just as entertaining. Everything vibrates, shimmers, shakes, dances, before you. Time also moves at a slow pace, your mind racing with millions of possibilities and you want to experience all of them at once. You wonder what everything is like on shrooms; How much more amazing it would be, with colors more vibrant than you ever knew possible. Talking to anyone sounds exciting, like it would be the most amazing conversation of your life, even if you haven't talked to that person in years. I was unbelievably joyful, excited, interested, and enthusiastic about everything.

At one point I was sitting in a cabana by myself, licking the cheese powder off my fingers from the can of Pringles I had eaten previously, only to discover that I wasn't licking cheese powder at all. Nay, I was scooping sand off my feet with my index finger and licking it off instead. I also had a can of coke that took me over an hour and 6000 sips to consume, leading me to believe it was a magical never ending can of cola. I also spent about 20 minutes taking off my bracelet, which held my locker key, and putting it back on.

My shroom hut

Such a magical place, I'll never forget it

As they were starting to wear off, we headed back to the hostel room and then out to grab dinner, but not before I spoke creepily in my Gollum voice!  It's also weird to be walking around all fucked up and seeing children everywhere, makes you realize what a terrible influence you are.  All in all, the mush lasted about four hours and coming down was a nice and easy transition. I have to say that I'm glad I took shrooms, because some things can't be understood unless you experience them and for less than $18, that is about as entertained as you can be for four hours. I spent a few more days in Gili before spontaneously heading on a 4 day boat ride to Flores, but that my friends is a story for another blog...

Random GoPros

No docks needed, everyone anchors their boat in the water here

I believe this underwater path was created by the Dharma Initiative

GoPro Coast

Time Lapsing

Tanah Lot

2 bags of mush....

Me and the boys!

Darwin to Bali

My final stop in Australia was Darwin, the hottest, most expensive place in all of Australia.  Upon arrival I couldn't help but question Darwin, because their daylight savings time difference is 30 minutes, I mean who staggers their time by half an hour, that's just a dick move.  The only big activity I considered doing was the crocodile cage, which is where you get into a giant glass cage and then are lowered into a tank that contains a crocodile, which is then fed in front of you.  I ultimately decided not to do it since it wasn't like I was seeing an actual crocodile feeding and making it's own kill in the wild; It was too manufactured for me.  

My hostel had the worst deposit system ever created.  Key deposit was $30, dishes were $10, but you didn't get a kit of a plate,bowl, cup and cutlery, you just walked up and they just randomly gave you a few items unless you specified each item individually....and in order to use a pot or pan, you had to go back down and trade in your room key.  So for this entire system, you had to take all of your dishes and groceries to the kitchen, go downstairs, turn in your key to get a pan, then head back upstairs to the kitchen, hope you didn't forget anything in your room, such as a plate, because if you did you had to go back and re-exchange to get your room key and repeat steps 1-3, and then cook your meal and take the pan to reception to get your key back....WHY!!??!!!

I maintained a low profile for the few days I was there, since I was dealing with the loss of my father, so I didn't get up to too many crazy antics, but I did procure a new external hard drive and tripod for all my camera activities.  I also worked out and tested out my new tripod by doing a time lapse along the beach.  My roomates, Charlotte (New Zealand) and Vincent (American... [North American, Canadian to be exact. That's right America, you never thought about it, but Canadians are Americans, just like you!  Canada FTW]), as well as their friend Tibeaux (Tebow), showed me some of Darwin's finest bars on my last night, which was a really good time.  A dutch girl also gave me her lonely planet Bali guidebook, since I told her that's where I was headed.  Peeps be too nice to me, it's undeserved.

Darwin's Army...Not quite as powerful as Dumbledore's

Amazing

After 4 days in Darwin, I had to start making my way to Indonesia, so I could check off continent 5 of 7!  Africa and Antarctica, Seanie's gonna get you...  I had such an amazing time in Australia, I'd say it's the funnest place I've ever been in my life.  From seeing landmarks like the Opera House, camping out, sailing around islands, cuddling zoo animals, jumping out of a plane, swimming with a shark, to meeting so many cool, beautiful people on various tours or in hostels, Australia exceeded my wildest expectations, lofty though they were.  Expensive as hell, but if you're on a working holiday visa, you can do alright for yourself and still have a great time.

On the way to the airport I ended up meeting a Brazilian kid named Leonardo, who was making the same journey, so he decided to head to the hostel I had booked, so we could figure out how to get into town and split a cab together.  Once our flight landed in Bali, I was pretty stoked to get a passport stamp, since Australia didn't feel the need to give me one and I like my mementos.  Once you arrive, you get hit with a $25 entry fee and then go pick up your bags.  Picking up bags was the craziest shit I have ever seen in an airport.  There were little Indonesian guys running in and out of the chute that the bags come out of and it took 45 minutes for our bags to show up.  At one point a 15 lb kettlebell fell onto the conveyer belt.  I have no idea what was going on in there, but thankfully my bag arrived and no one placed any illegal drugs inside.  The airport is insane, all the locals run at you like you are a celebrity and try to oversell you on a ride into town.  The rate is supposed to be 115,000 to our hostel, but Leo and I settled for 120,000, a difference of about 50 cents.  My brother Josh would not approve of the over-payment, but I can live with it.

Leo and I explored the towns of Sanur and Kuta with a Japanese American friend we met at the hostel, Adam, on our first full day in Bali.  The hostel I stayed at, Big Pineapple, was probably the best hostel I have ever stayed at in terms of sociability.  It has an amazing set up for central lounge locations so everyone ends up hanging out together and doing various tours together.  There were a few issues like the WiFi cutting out all the time and a long power outage, but if anything it forces you to be more social.   The people that run the hostel also live there with their 5 year old son Soren, so Peppe (Italian), Linsay (Scottish) and I had the pleasure of playing Zombies, shadow puppets, and a Big Daddy style "I Win" card game with him for a few hours while we waited for the power to get sorted.  A bunch of us from the hostel also hired some personal drivers and did a big trip together, starting with a brief stop a silver shop before heading to the Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary in Ubud.

They're so human like, it's creepy and amazing!

Every creature has loved boobs since the dawn of creation.  Boobs are amazing, enough said

Gollum...seriously a triple mohawked baby Gollum.

The monkey sanctuary was absolutely amazing.  All the monkeys roam free and seem to enjoy life, which is what I believe to be the most important thing about these types of establishments.  Adam and I also saw two monkeys having sex, which basically just looked like rape, even more-so after the female ran to a puddle and started cleaning herself immediately after.  To be honest, I felt a little violated just being witness to such an act of indecency...Watch dirty monkey sex, not on my bucket list, but check.  Most of the monkeys were a little more chill, as evidenced by the following photos :).  Best 2 bucks I ever spent!

Monkey Love

Possibly the best photo I've taken on this trip...to me it says,  "I've got you back bro...Always"

Deep thinker

When you see this face on any animal, you run the fuck away.  That's why I run every time I see a mirror

After wrapping up all the monkey business, we made our way to some rice paddies, which are famous in the town of Ubud.  The charge for entry was 5000 rupiah...which is like 45 cents $US, but I sucked it up and paid the staggering fee.  In keeping with my longstanding tradition, which occurs whenever I arrive to a rice paddy on a Tuesday, I also levitated...

You don't need wings to fly.  All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise...

If I wasn't obsessed with technology, I'd like to think I could understand the beauty of living in a simple, peaceful place like this.

After the rice fields we headed to a coffee farm, to experience one of the most unique beverages in the world, the legendary Luwak coffee.  The Luwak is a small, weasel/catlike creature that eats the raw coffee beans and then poops at a digested form of the bean, which is then harvested...I shit you not.  In keeping with my tradition of trying anything once, I ordered a cup.  It was super strong, but with a couple scoops of sugar it was drinkable.  They also let us sample a bunch of other teas and coffees, which were amazing, most notably the coconut coffee, which tasted better than unicorn venom.  After the coffee break, we made our way to Kintamani for lunch, which has an open deck with views of an active volcano, Mt. Batur.

I literally ate this Luwak's shit... and he seems pretty content about it

Drinking Luwak Poo Coffee with Adam and Emma (Candian)

Some of these views are totally Balistic, I mean seriously UnBalievable.  Balin.  Ok, I'm done

The boys enjoying the buffet and beautiful views

After we got back into town, we roamed around for a little bit and procured some shrooms (you know a little fungi to turn me into a fun guy, bwahahaha... alright that's a dumb joke, I apologize.) to celebrate my belated 12th birthday, since my parents decided to go on a Carribbean cruise during my real 12th birthday, leaving me at home with a babysitter, who made me macaroni and cheese.  The shrooms (or mush as the rest of the world seems to call them) were extremely mild, so it was basically the exact same feeling as smoking pot.  I am not counting this as my first time doing shrooms...but perhaps there would be more potent ones in my future.... But that my friends is a story for another blog.

Random GoPros

GoPro Time Lapse!

This is about as exciting as it gets in Darwin

Cool tree

This monkey looks like it wants to kill itself

Little humans

Me, Leo, and Adam at the Monkey Sanctuary

GoPro Paddy

Not a bad view to drink coffee to

Adventures in Cairns

I had a ton of time to kill in Cairns, because the cheapest flight to my next stop, Darwin, required me to wait an extra week.  Since I was there for so long, I ended up booking quite a few activities.  After skydiving, my next adventure was the Raging Thunder white water rafting tour. The night before rafting, I watched 2 Guns, with Carol from England and a Canadian girl named Pamela Anderson...Seriously, best name ever.  That night I woke up at 1:30 in the morning as my roommates were rolling a joint. They were trying to be super quiet to not disturb me, but as Steinbeck one wrote, the best laid plans of mice and marijuana enthusiasts oft go awry.

Once we got to the river, we met our groups and piled into our rafts for safety lessons.  Our group had a pair of newlyweds from Spain on their honeymoon, Santi and Belen, as well as a Canadian college student, Sylvia, and two English birds, Laura and Colette.  Our instructor was an Aussie named Tim, who lost a tooth to the river on a previous rafting excursion.

To be honest the rafting was pretty lame, it was supposed to be a level 4 out of 5, but it was not challenging at all.  There were 10 rafts, so you had to wait for each raft to pass a section before moving on, meaning you spent more time waiting than rafting.  There weren't any big drops, though we did get stuck on rocks a few times.  We got to paddle underneath a waterfall, swim/float down the river, but I expected more.  There was one really cool moment though, where a giant branch from a tree fell on the raft, and the only reason it didn't land on someone and kill them, was because we were all gathered on the back half of the boat, to prepare ourselves for a flip.  It's weird how many times you barely avoid danger.  Call it fate, call it luck, call it karma.

The rafting may not have met expectations, but the views were beautiful

Some people got to jump off a log...that's not extreme bros

After getting back from rafting, I went to have a few drinks on the hostel patio with my dorm mates, Yan and Andy and ended up running into some girls I knew, so I headed back to Gilligans with Carol, Pamela Anderson, my fellow American Becky, and Swedish bird named Hannah.  I love that you can call a girl a bird here, it's so cool.  The bar's main event for the night?  Jello Wrestling.  I don't even know why there's strip clubs in Australia, you can just go to a backpacker bar to see women take their clothes off.  It's also entertaining to see all the guys whip their cameras out as soon as boobs are mentioned, however I'm too mature for that....plus I have an insanely good memory.

I spent the next few days detoxing and working out, because my figure was unacceptable by Bali beach-body standards. Cairns has a pretty good fitness setup; There's a  bunch of free outdoor workout stations that offer resistance based weight training.    One evening, I also suffered what can only be described as a night terror.  I had a crazy dream that I was being kidnapped, so when the light flooded the room and two shapes moved through the doorframe, I awoke with the scream of a little girl.  It turned out that the two shapes, were just Yan and Andy coming back after a night smoke, so being stoned out of their minds, they were dying laughing.  What can I say, I am kind of awesome like that.  We also went out for their last night in Cairns and had the pleasure of returning to the hostel during a fire alarm, so we had to stand outside until 5 AM as one of the shops below the hostel was emanating smoke.  

There's one destination everyone in Cairns goes to: the Great Barrier Reef.  Since I had already snorkeled the inner reef on my Whitsundays tour, I decided to hop on a boat with Compass Cruises, because it takes you to the outer reef, which I was told has clearer waters and more diversified marine life.  The boat I was on was really slow, so it took a few hours to get to our first snorkel site, Breaking Patches, but we were offered free coffee, tea and fruit for breakfast, so it was all good.

When I started snorkeling, I was surprised to find everyone snorkeling in a big group, which means you can't really see anything and various particles will be splashed in front of you, distorting your view.  Thus I decided to go rogue, and found some awesome patches of shallow coral with super clear waters.  Eventually others followed my lead and started branching out as well.  #trendsetter

Amazing coral

I was about to call it quits and head back to the boat, but decided to do one last lap around.  As I was swimming along and looking at some coral on my right, I decided to turn my head and saw that on my left was a shark, eye fucking the shit out of me.  A normal person would probably be nervous, but I was more of the mindset of: oh my god, I need a picture.  The shark was so fast, I didn't stand a chance at getting a good shot as it darted forward and then banked right and swam through the coral.  In my mind the shark was massive, the size of me at least, but the truth is that  your snorkel goggles are also magnifying glasses, so everything looks much larger than it really is.  Thus the shark was probably only a meter long, but when I tell this story years from now, the shark will be 8 meters long and it will have given me a high five with it's fin as it passed by.  That story will also end with me making sweet, sweet love to a mermaid.

Not the clearest photo, but you can see the shark in the middle!

Once everyone was back on the boat, we were served lunch, which was actually pretty solid.  We got sausages, chicken, and 4 different salads.  Then we made our way to Hastings Reef, which had massive schools of fish, rainbow colored fish, fish with lazy eyes, sea turtles, etc.  After that snorkel, we were given the option to partake in an activity called boomnetting whilst making our way back to Cairns.

Boomnetting consists of throwing a net behind the boat and having people hang onto it while the boat speeds up.  The further back you are on the net, the more submerged you become.  It's more a measure of holding your breath than endurance.  After thirty seconds on speed level two, and a gallon of saltwater in my lungs, I decided to let go.  As a reward for returning alive, we were offered wine, cheese and fruit.  It was a great day trip and relatively cheap at $99.

Never could find Nemo...

School of Fish

Camouflaged Turtle

My last activity to do in Cairns was a tour of the Tablelands, which is a giant rainforest housing waterfalls, volcanic craters, and poisonous butterflies.  That's right, there's even poisonous butterflies in Australia...WTF is wrong with this place!  There are a few options, but I went with Captain Matty's Barefoot Adventure, and true to his name he showed up barefoot and made everyone hug him before getting on the bus.  His tour also wasn't on any sort of schedule, so you are allowed to hang out for as long as you want at any given spot.  Our first stop was Lake Eacham, which is a lake formed from a volcanic crater.  After a quick swim, we were served hot tea/chocolate/coffee and fresh fruit.  Delicious!

Matty was also feeling a little adventurous since it was such a beautiful day, so we took a little detour to a lookout point, that housed an amazing view of the hilly land below.  Then we headed to Millaa Millaa falls, which is the place from the Herbal Essences commercial where the girl flips her hair up in front of the waterfall.  I was trying to be manly, so I didn't partake in any hair flips, but I did swim underneath the waterfall, which was pretty amazing.

There are amazing views everywhere in the world, you just have to open your eyes and realize what you're staring at

Millaa Milla Falls 

Call me an optimist, but I think the GoPro is half full

After the falls we headed to a pub to grab some lunch.  There were also free jugs of beer lined up on the bar waiting for us, now that is how you run a tour!  Matty also owed some shots to people, because he offered any girl that flashed some construction workers or any guy that mooned them a free shot.  Two of the English girls also took their tops off and let guys take body shots off of them.  I think they forgot it was 2 PM and not 2 AM...The British are a rowdy bunch!

Our next destination was Zillie Falls, where we took a recently cleared path to the bottom of the falls. We were climbing over tree trunks, maneuvering through brush, and hopping rocks across a stream.  However, the reward was quite nice, as seing Zillie from below was beautiful.  After hiking back up to the bus, we headed to our last stop, Josephine Falls.  Talk about saving the best for last, Josephine has a natural rock waterslide.  It was a pretty fun way to end the day, although I did slip in the stream on the way back, which caused my camera bag to get wet, but luckily it's insulated and everything was kept dry on the inside.

We then had one final tea time, complete with chocolate cake, cookies and TimTams.  Oh the Tim Tam, how I will miss ye.  One of the most delicious cookie snacks I have ever had.  TimTams are possibly more delicious than Oreos...Yeah I said it brah!  The tour was solid and took up the entire day, lasting from 730 AM to 730 PM.  Definitely worth doing if you are in Cairns.

Zillie Falls

Josephine Falls

Best water-slide ever

I really enjoyed my time in Cairns, it's a great spot to hang out for a while if you are in Australia as there is a lot to do and it's cheaper than the other places along the coast.  My next stops were Darwin and Bali, but that is a story for another blog.

Random 7Ds (Switching it up, used the GoPro as my main camera due to all the water activities)

I am never living more than 3 hours from the Ocean ever again!

Lake Eacham

One of my favorite views on my trip thus far...jaw droppingly beautiful

Millaa Millaa Falls

Zillie Falls 

How can you not be outdoorsy if you live here?

Waterfall Rock Slide!