The Rise and Fall of Seantonio Banderas

With a writing speed that rivals only that of George R.R. Martin's, I've fallen a year behind on my blog!  Writing this blog has been a tumultuous endeavor as it highlights one of the worst milestones of my life and has forced me to face some hard facts.  With twenty four winters passing since my last modeling gig and a hairline that's receding faster than the polar ice caps,  I've had to accept that I'm only better looking than most people now.  And that's quite humbling.    One day you're turning heads, the next your turning thirty.  I'm an old man now, and this is my story...

Instead of experiencing a traditional Thanksgiving that involves unbuckling your pants to make room for dessert, watching football, and drinking beer, Sarah decided to surprise me with a trip to Minnesota for the holiday weekend so we could watch some basketball.  I hadn't been to Minnesota in over a decade, so I was pretty impressed by how awesome Minneapolis and St. Paul were.  The public transport is legit, with direct routes from the airport to both downtowns, as well as an expansive indoor skywalk that connects all major buildings in downtown Minneapolis.

Outside of the game, we didn't have any set plans, so we mostly just wandered around and drank beer since there are microbreweries everywhere.  I don't know if the excessive visiting of said microbreweries or an overwhelming quantity of MSG impacted my judgment, but I can definitively say that St. Paul has the best Thai food in America.  We also took advantage the Black Friday sales to purchase the Oregon Trail card game.  However, this led me down an unfortunate path brimming with broken bones, dead oxen, and dysentery.  No one survives the trail unscathed.

The T-Wolf on the monitor is howling at a full moon with shocking similarity to the way Sarah howls at a very different, but equally majestic full moon that hangs above our mantle....

When a man looks at this, he sees a giant cherry on a spoon.  When a woman looks at this, she sees me lying in the spoon with a stream of hot fudge cascading down my perfect body.  And quite frankly, you women have incredible taste.

If you look closely, you can see that this wolf is made entirely out of recycled materials.  Pretty impressive!

After spending Thanksgiving in Minnesota, we decided to do Christmas in K.C. and New Year's in New England.  Being a cheap bastard in the year prior, I convinced Sarah to hold out until January to buy a Christmas tree so we could get one for 80% off when stores were dumping their excess supply.  And that folks is how you get a $400 tree for $80 dollars.  It was also during Christmas that I decided to supplement Josh's robe life, during which he regularly roamed around our house in a plush woman's robe, with a fake silk kimono.  I figured he could at least look elegant when displaying the lower two-thirds of his thighs.

After Christmas we flew to Sarah's parents in Connecticut so we could attend our friends' wedding (Congrats Jackie and Tyler!) and then braved a New England Patriots game on New Year's Eve.  Unfortunately for (Or maybe fortunately for) Sarah's mother, she was feeling under the weather and therefore could not be destroyed by it.  Sarah's dad, however,  got the pleasure of braving the coldest regular season game in Patriot's history with us.  Nothing beats a negative two degree day with gusty winds at Gillette Stadium.  

Thankfully the staff provided everyone with hand warmers as they entered, which I promptly shoved down my socks so I didn't lose a toe to frostbite.  Sarah's father and I proved men are the weaker sex, displaying a keen eagerness to leave the game at halftime to escape the cold.  Sarah showed no sympathy when telling us to man up, because we weren't leaving until the end of the third quarter at the earliest even though the score was 21-3.  At some point during that 15 minute quarter that seemed to last 3 hours, I questioned whether or not I should pee myself for the immediate warmth, knowing that it would eventually freeze and leave me even colder.  I'm not proud of what happened next...

Our only promise of warmth emanated from the stadium speakers, where the sound guy was sitting in a heated booth and blaring Beach Boys and songs about heat waves.  Meanwhile the hawkers were screaming out, "ICE COLD BEER!", as if that  somehow sounded appealing.  It was freezing, I was surrounded by Patriots fans, and I couldn't even drink because our beers froze within seconds of being poured.   It was one of the worst days of my life.  It was one of Sarah's best.  Why do these damn Patriots fans always come out on top?!?!!

First christmas in the house!!!  

Since Josh is our surrogate child, we let him pick out his stocking... And then Santa filled it with Batman underwear

This is the spot where I had to sit and listen to Sarah talk about how handsome Julian Edelman is.  Did I mention how terrible this day was?

Winter continued to be rough in Kansas City upon our return, with the coldest January on record in over 100 years.   See, some winds of winter exist (GoT nerds get it :))...   Sarah decided to rescue me from the cold and take me back to Mexico for my birthday.  Were her motives sincere?  Or did she just want to see my thirty year old skin dry out and wrinkle in the Mexican sun like some sort of disgusting raisin?  Obviously she was pleased I was getting to her age after I spent months mocking her for being in her thirties whilst I was still in my twenties.  And that's exactly why I couldn't trust her.

We started our journey by meeting my brother Bryn, as well as our friends Martha and Aaron in Mexico City and then made our way to Palenque, an ancient Mayan city in Chiapas, Mexico.  I'm proud to say that this time we made the next leg of our flight, unlike our failed attempt to go to Honduras!  One of my other fifty brothers, Josh, also decided to take time out of his incredibly packed schedule as an aimless drifter to meet us down there.  Between Bryn quitting his job to bum around Mexico for several months, me taking two years off work, and Josh not having a real job since Y2K, we Lowe bros have really shown this world how to just barely scrape by.  It's not easy being so damn ambitious.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to achieve so little?

In order to get to Palenque, we first had to fly into a town called Villahermosa and then drive a few hours.  We arrived pretty late, so we decided to stay in Villahermosa for the night before continuing our journey.  For a total of $20, we got a two bed apartment that slept all 6 of us, plus a driver that met us at the airport so we could follow him in our rental car.  For those of you that have never driven in Mexico, you probably have no idea how impossible it is to park a car, let alone an SUV.  We basically had to parallel park into a spot that was 4 inches longer than our vehicle.  And that spot was not between two cars, but between two buildings.  After several minutes of failed attempts, our Airbnb host decided to save us and somehow maneuvered into that spot like it was no big deal.  I don't even understand the science of how it was possible, but then again I'm Asian and therefore a terrible driver.

Upon leaving Villahermosa the next morning, we headed to our jungle-laden Airbnb, which was about halfway to Palenque.  Along the way, we stopped to meet the Airbnb host at a gas station so we could tail him to the villa since it's not exactly on google maps.  Eventually we turned off the highway for a little gravel travel, which eventually turned into stretches of road that were more pothole than road.  After passing through a few villages, we stopped at a small clearing and hopped into our hosts 4x4 pick up truck.  We then spent then next twenty minutes driving along a muddy, make shift road, stopping only to open barbwire gates to pass through.  But alas, we came upon another clearing and everything became very clear indeed.  Paradise was waiting.

I mean a birthday trip to hang out in a jungle paradise with private waterfalls and ancient ruins.  I pretty much have the worst girlfriend ever.  She like, doesn't even get me.

Do you know what to call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor....  Bahaha Laffy Taffy strikes again!!!

Sometimes I like to put on a little Ryan Cabrera and just watch the birds.  You know, just normal dude stuff.

Lean with it, rock with it, when we gonna stop with it? Lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought.  Is it time to move our feet to an introspective beat? It ain't the speakers that bombard, it's our hearts that make the beat.

As you can tell from the photos, it really wasn't that beautiful at all.  It was pretty much the worst Airbnb I've ever stayed at.  Like, we didn't even decide to just spend an entire day there without leaving cus it was so amazing.  I can't even describe to you how ridiculously awesome this place was.  We had private access to a multi-tiered waterfall where we could hang out in pools above the rapids.  We could take kayaks out into the river, ride horses for free, hike around the forest, chill out in hammocks and outdoor beds, or just drink beer and relax in the house.  Sarah literally thought she might cry because it was so beautiful.

The owner says the long term plan is to turn the property into a resort with the main house serving larger groups and smaller cabanas holding up to four people each.  Luckily we got in while it's still just a house along the river, because having everything to ourselves was amazing.  Having a location in the middle of nowhere also has one of my favorite perks in the world: A night sky free of light pollution.  There's nothing like staring into the sky that's actually full of stars.  It's crazy to think that while my goal of seven continents is ambitious now, someday people will try to get to multiple planets.  Who even knows what's in that crazy sky of ours.

We had stocked up on groceries before arriving, so we (Mostly Martha) were able to cook big group dinners, play card games, have a lot of laughs, and just enjoy life.  It was pretty much as perfect a place to hang out as you could ever ask for.  Aaron and Bryn were able to get some ridiculous drone footage over the waterfalls and I was able to bum Aaron's camera lens to take some photos of the night sky.  I don't know how they found this place, but I'm definitely grateful to have such awesome friends and family.  

I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway.  I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky.  I am not your blowing wind, I am the lightning.  I am not your autumn moon, I am the night. The night......

So many foreign worlds, so many to behold.  So many for us, so ready for us....

We eventually dragged ourselves away from our little slice of paradise to go visit the ancient Mayan ruins.  Bryn got the pleasure of driving the entire trip, which was a pretty terrible draw considering how bad the roads were, but we all appreciated it!!!!  The ruins in Palenque are quite interesting because they aren't fully excavated.  The central part of the historic city is easily accessible, but the majority of surrounding ruins are still buried in the jungle (Though some are visible along the many hiking trails).

We also got the pleasure of hearing the street peddlers blow into wooden jaguar heads that simulate the great cat's roar.  There's nothing like taking back to back international travels to the same country, so you can experience the same cheap souvenirs again!! RRRAAARRRR!  The true highlight of my journey, however, was finding the shrine of Lord Serpent Jaguar.  Can you imagine living in such a time when you could have addressed me as Lord Gorilla Puffin with a straight face?   After bumming around the ruins for a few hours, we made our move to get back to the Airbnb before nightfall, since driving on pot filled roads in the dark didn't sound appealing.

Windows to an ancient world

You know that house is haunted

If we're not too careful, maybe we can all get lost....

These monkeys own an entire forest.  I will spend years paying off my mortgage.  Which species is smarter again?

I think most individuals start to feel a little older once they turn thirty, but to be honest, I don't think that's a bad thing.  You're twenties are for screwing up and figuring out who you are, your thirties are for becoming an adult...and paying off all the debts you accrued in your twenties :).  Our next few adventures were domestic, with a visit from some English lads and a long weekend in Philly and DC.  There was also a misinterpretation of the word 'probably' that led to Sarah becoming pregnant, but that's a story for another blog....




Random GoPros

There's always a big church...

The people living here pump water from the river up to the houses for bathing.  Pretty crafty really.

Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die.  I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down.  You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah. No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change.  Cus I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.  But I'm a million different people from one day to the next. I can't change my mold, no no no no no.... 

Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps

There's a reason they call me the Asian Tom Selleck.  My mustache is so damn sexy.  I practically had to beat the ladies off with a stick.  

Ready. Steady. Yeti.

I told Sarah that if life is a spoon, I'm the cherry on top...Judging by her face I'm not sure she agrees.

The only two Patriots fans I was willing to tolerate...

It was so cold that color ceased to exist.

You can join the cowards all aboard the outrage train, yeah you can stay afraid...Or you can slit the throat of fear and be brave.  You can scratch that little itch, 'til you're moving like a mother fucker up in this bitch!

You should see life as a means to your triumph!

Or as a means to your napping....

Lowe Bros!  Damn those tall, handsome, muscular bastards. I'm the short, chubby one.  Those jerks took all the Schwarzenegger genes and left me with only the DeVito remnants.

But at the same time, I think it's pretty clear I've mastered the art of seduction...

Don't need no five star reservations, I got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine.  Don't need no concert in the city, I got a stereo and the best of Patsy Cline. Ain't go no caviar, no Dom Perignon.  But as far as I can see, I got everything I want.  Cus I've got a roof over my head, the woman I love layin in my bed.  And it's alright, alright.  I've got shoes under my feet, forever in her eyes staring back at me.  And it's alright, alright. Cus I've got all I need and it's alright by me....

This tree legitimately looks like it has legs to walk...

I feel it all, I feel everything.  I felt afraid, but I fought the fear and trembling. Yeah I feel it all, I feel everything.  But I never looked back and now this fear... This fear is trembling!

Something tells me my 30s won't be so bad...

I will not play this out discretely, it is real and unashamed. I am human and I'm terrified, but want it all the same.  Cus I wanna overcome, yeah I want to love someone.  Yeah the heart, the heart, the heart, the heart is a muscle. AND I WANT TO MAKE IT STRONG! Cus the heart, the heart, the heart, the heart is a muscle.  I WANT TO MAKE IT STRONG!

Continent #6 and An African Safari

One of my travel goals is to hit all 7 continents, so I'd been hoping to get to Africa whilst living on this side of the world.  It was continent #6 on my list and I've always dreamed of going on a safari, so I was pumped when Sarah told me she'd booked tickets!  Mostly because I whined to her about how my brother Josh was getting to go to Africa and check off 6 before me.  See kids, if you whine enough, you will get your way.  She planned the trip for Victoria Falls, since it borders Zambia and Zimbabwe and is only an hour or so from Botswana as well.  I wasn't going to complain, so off we went!

You know how sometimes you go to the airport and see a bunch of little kids running around and think, "Dear God, please don't make me sit next to them".  Oh yeah baby, right next to them.  3 kids under 5, one crying the entire time, the parents letting them run wild since they apparently lost control and the desire to care years ago.  I think the lesson Sarah and I learned was that the best form of birth control is an intercontinental flight.  After a brief layover in Johannesburg, we flew into Zambia and then spent the next 60 minutes trying to get through the Visa line.  I have no idea how it took so long, we were literally the only flight arriving into the airport at that time.  Apparently no one realized you needed to purchase a Visa upon arrival, because why would you need visas in Africa?  People kill me....  Luckily I was prepared and had cash, so when we finally got to the front of the line, we got our visas within one minute.

After spending a full day traveling, it was nice to grab a brew and soak up the views

This was the view just past the "Beware of Crocodiles" signs.  At first we thought they were a joke... I don't think they were

All animals have the capacity to love :)

This is like my childhood.  Battling with my evil brothers... And getting my ass kicked.  And then being told it was probably my fault for provoking it.  You're right mom, I probably asked Bryn to steal my money and give me wedgies.  What a bunch of Lowe lives.

We spent the first night at a campsite/hotel along the Zambezi river, which feeds into Victoria Falls.  Some people can afford the hotel, but let's be honest, we are tent people.  If we are going to Africa, we're gonna sleep with monkeys fighting outside our tent.  We were pretty exhausted from the full day of travel, so we just grabbed a beer along the river and took a little pre dinner nap.  Since our trip was only a week long, we actually only spent one night in Zambia before taking a shuttle to Botswana!

Botswana is home to Chobe National Park, which ended up being one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.  Several companies run safaris there ranging from a half day to over a week.  We went for the 2 day 2 night option, as Sarah read online that it gives you a better chance at seeing lions and leopards.  Day 1 started with crossing the boarder, which was surprisingly easy, followed by a light breakfast and a cruise along the swamp-like Chobe River.  I didn't really know what to expect on the cruise portion, as I figured we would be pretty far from the animals, but they literally pull the boats up within 2-3 meters of crocodiles.  You see hippos playing peekaboo, elephants crossing the river, Eagles soaring above the trees... It was insane.  It was amazing.  It was unlike anything you could ever dream.

They call me the hip-hop-apatamus, my lyrics are bottomless....

Probably the scariest animal in the world. 

You are pretty much guaranteed to see a million antelope if you do a safari, I have no idea how so many of them survive.

I'm not sure why my blog messed up the next few photos and made them super elongated...but whatevs, the still look cool.

This guy gets all the birds....

Our boat cruise was followed by a massive, all you can eat buffet.  What more can a man want on vacation?  After lunch, we were split off into groups based on the type of safari we were doing, and ended up going on adventure with some French Canadians and an English woman, Kerry (whom we have already been able to meet up with in London as well!!).  The safari vehicle of choice was a Toyota Land Cruiser, similar to what Josh and I were in when we cruised around the Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia.  We were surprised that the vehicle wasn't outfitted with metal cages or anything else to prevent animals from getting in.  They're all just completely open.  Apparently the animals see the vehicle as a whole, rather than being a large metal lunch box full of small, person sized morsels.  Ergo, you are generally pretty safe, even in an open top vehicle.  

I went into the trip without having look at any photos of Chobe National Park, so I really had no idea what the landscape would be like.... It was incredible.  It's absolutely amazing how fast the land can go from being lush and green near the river to desert like, within a few kilometers.  Our driver, Jensen, was awesome.  You could tell how much he loved his job and actually cared about the preservation of the nature reserve and all of the animals within it.  He would even stop the truck and pick up litter that other tourists left lying around.   The goal of the group was to find some big cats, but unfortunately they were all taking cat naps on day one.  We did however, see just about everything else, including one of the best sunsets I have ever been lucky enough to witness.

Going on a safari and seeing the incredible landscapes and wildlife of Botswana will always be one of the highlights of my life (right after looking in the mirror).  I still can't believe I was able to go there, I'm too lucky.  

This poor guy looked completely defeated.  You can see all the scratches on his back where he must have lost a fight against another hippo.  It really is kill or be killed.

Do you know how the giraffe was created?  Chuck Norris went back in time and upper cut a horse.  True Story.

Part of me wishes I was a vegetarian and part of me thinks they would be delicious.

I see the grass beneath me, I smell the wind and sky and think to myself... Don't pass me by.  

A tree full of vultures.  Without a little bit of ugly, you wouldn't appreciate the beauty.

Fun Fact:  All zebras have a unique patter, just like a human has unique fingerprints.

The sunsets were absolutely amazing.  You go for the animals, but the undisturbed beauty of nature will leave you breathless.

Due to the time of the year we visited, it started to get dark around 6:30, so we had to be back at our campground by then.  I thought our campsite would be fenced off or have some general form of protection from the wildlife, but it didn't.  We just stopped in a clearing in the middle of the forest, where there was a fire and five tents set up.  I'm not entirely sure how safe that set up is, especially after Jensen told us he's had lions come into the camp before, but that's just safari life I guess.  The guys that set up the camp site also made us dinner, which was incredibly good for being cooked over a fire.  You can definitely tell they cater to the Western diet, as the food was pretty similar to what you'd get in England or America.  They even had had Nandos sauce!  And of course no evening is complete without some boxed wine.

The only downside of the boxed wine is that it makes a man pee.  As usual, I ignored Sarah's warnings telling me that I was going to have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.  I told her I'm a man, and a man does what he wants, and she can't tell a man how to live his life.  A man isn't going to let a little thing like a hyena or a leopard prevent him from peeing in the wilderness.

Turns out a man should listen.  I awoke in the night and thought my bladder was going to burst.  Jensen gave us specific instructions to flashlight up and ensure nothing gleamed in the night.... But you hear noises, and noises are terrifying.  And a man needs both hands to whip things out and hold them, so i had to put my phone in my mouth and swivel my head around in fear.  I swear to you, this was the longest pee of my life, I was so scared I thought a little poo might come out as well.  So does a man learn his lesson on night two... Of course not, a man pees in the night again!  I'm a man and the world is my urinal.

But alas, on to day two!

One of my favorite shots from all of my travels.  Such a beautiful place.

Such a beautiful resting spot

Wild, my breath of wonder.  Time, rolling like thunder.  Brace, for the explosion.  Wild, blissfully open....

What you looking at?!?!?

Bambi!

Elephants cry, and they gather round their fallen ones.  They don't know why.  Neither do I... Neither do I....

I still can't believe we went on a safari... Or that I've seen even half of what I have.  Not bad for a kid from small town Iowa.

Day two started off with a 5 AM wake up call, so we could make the most of the daylight.  Our morning drive went past a massive herd of buffalo that were migrating across the plains and some grumpy elephants that didn't seem to be pleased about waking up so early!  We found a few leopard tracks, but unfortunately we weren't able to track one down before having to drop off the French Canadians to be taken back to town, as they elected to do the single night option.  Sarah, Kerry, and I continued on until lunchtime, where we went back to camp to eat and have a siesta.  It's such a hard life, being on vacation.  

After everyone was well rested, we went back out on another game drive so we could drop Kerry off and pick up some new recruits.  At the drop off spot, the other driver told us she had just passed a group of five lions!  So finally, after 2 days of waiting, we were able to go see them!  I don't even know how to describe the feeling.  It's just crazy.  When you see a lion on TV it feels so so distant, so far away.  And then to actually see one in person... Life has been too good to me.

No safari is complete without seeing the King.  It took us the better part of two days, but we finally found some lions!

This giraffe is just like... F M L, there are a million animals here and you are gonna chase me?!?!

So a single lion can't even take down a giraffe... She is literally just having fun by torturing others.  Typical woman.

Luckily this guy ignored Sarah's chants of "Here kitty, kitty".

What's interesting is that it is actually the female lions that run the tribe.  The men are just her minions.  Feels a lot like my life....

If you look closely, you can see that this guy caught a fish

Troops of monkeys are so territorial they will actually kill a leopard if it comes too close to their tree.

After leaving the lions, we continued our safari and eventually crossed paths with another driver who had spotted a leopard a few miles away.  Leopards are pretty rare and travel in solitude, so finding them on a safari is not guaranteed.  At that point the sun was already setting, so in order to find her, we were literally racing against sunbeams.  The other guide told Jensen that she was sitting on some termite hills a few hundred meters from the river, but we couldn't find her.  Alas, it appeared she had left before we got there.

Thus, we started driving back towards camp, catching a final glimpse of the sun before it went down, when out of nowhere, we saw her!!!!  She'd decided to go down and prowl along the river.  That safari was a lot like life, we had such high expectations to see all of these animals, so when they didn't make an appearance we started to lose hope, but then somehow it all just kind of works out.  We saw everything we set our sights on seeing and more, it just didn't all happen right away.  

Come Around Sundown

Seeing all of the animals' silhouettes against the horizon...F-ing amazing.

The rare and elusive leopard.  You have to be extremely fortunate to spot one, so it was a good thing I was wearing my lucky thong.

To be fair, it is a leopard print thong.  So it was fitting, very tight fitting indeed.

Our final sunrise

I told Sarah on our last morning that the only thing left on my list that I was hoping/expecting to see but hadn't were wild african hunting dogs.  She informed me that we wouldn't see them as they hunted deeper into the forest, since he's an expert on Botswanian wildlife.  We saw them 15 minutes later.

We saw a lot of amazing animals, but my favorite, as always, was my cougar (3 months older - still makes her a cougar, don't let her tell you otherwise).  The company we used, Kalahari tours, did an amazing job throughout.  From organizing the transfers to pick us up in Zambia and then ship us over to Zimbabwe after the tour, to the food, to the guide.  Everything was super organized and everyone was very friendly.   It was absolutely awesome, they smashed it. 

Our journey continued in Victoria Falls and nearly ended in carnage whilst rafting along the Zambezi River, but that's a story for another blog....

Animal Photo Shoot

His jaw dropped because he saw me shirtless.  My blog is 100% factual, so you know it's true.

Scrath my ass, watch yourself! Scratch my ass, show me what you're working with!

Sometimes a croc just needs a little massage.  Now that's what I call symbiosis

He's yawning because he's so sleepy.  Apparently 18 hours of sleep per day is not enough.

They're so cute, that's how they get you.  They make you think they are sweet and innocent, then they rip you in half and eat you for dinner.

"Hey, are you still watching me?"

It's a paradise....And it's a war zone

Nobody but you, nobody but me, nobody but us, bodies together. I love to hold you close, forever and always.  I love to wake up next to you...

I said baby, it's you and only you and no one else.  And I mean it, even when I'm talking to myself. 

Look at this little zebra kissing another one on the cheek.  How can you not love nature?

Chillin like a villain!  We saw more varieties of birds than any other creature, their diversity is incredible.

The birds are staring each other down and this dude is just like...I'm too tired to even care anymore.  People complain about flies and mosquitoes...I have f-ing birds living on me.

The infamous crocodile smile!

Random GoPros

Not a bad view for $30/night.

The GoPro didn't do so well on the safari.... You really need the DSLR with a proper lens to capture the wildlife.

Our guide, Jensen, showing us the migratory path of the herd.

 Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps

Let's unwind, don't worry your mind, there's a paradise waiting for us in summertime.  And when you look in my eyes, you'll see the pleasure is mine, cus when I'm making you smile, it's the perfect delight.  Oh there's a paradise waiting for us in summertime

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine, I keep my eyes wide open all the time.  Yes I'll admit that I'm a fool for you.  Because you're mine, I walk the line.

As sure is night is dark and day is light, I keep you on my mind both day and night.  And happiness, I've known proves that it's right.  Because you're mine, I walk the line.

Yeah, I'm sure your parents probably said it to you, but follow what you love and you will love what you do...

 One of us still has amazing hair in the face of gale force winds.  #FabioWishes

Did I deserve to be karate chopped in the face? ....   .... Probably at least twice at that point. I mean, it was like 11 AM.  And yeah, we have matching safari outfits.  Deal with it!!!!!

If you look closely, you can see the massive elephant penis dangling down.  It was literally bigger than my body.

It took Tom Hanks four years to go crazy whilst on a deserted island.  I was born this way.

I don't care what you keep doing, just keep on doing it with me :)