World ExploraSean: Kiss Kiss Vang Vieng

I wanted to do something cool for my birthday and my options were rock climbing, kayaking/tubing, or riding in a hot air balloon. I decided to go for the kayaking option as it involved drinking a few beers and being on the water, two of my favorite activities. Plus at $76, that air balloon was simply out of my budget, I'm not made of money. Once our group gathered, we all started laughing because everyone's description of the day's activities was completely different. I wasn't surprised, because I had noticed that my itinerary wrapped up with a one hour trek to catch the sunset, before being returned to Vang Vieng by 4:30. That's a remarkably early sunset!

We started out by driving about 30 minutes north of town to check out two caves. The first one was pretty awesome, as we got to tube through the first portion, before hopping out of the tubes to crawl through the remaining sector. Once we were done exploring we tubed back out and ate lunch. Our next stop was the Elephant Cave, which technically is more of a crevice than a cave, going maybe 3 meters deep. There's also a carving of an elephant, which we were told was a naturally occurring formation, but judging by the mixed coloration and smooth contours, that was definitely a lie.

I love ruins, so much imagination in determining where they came from and what magical abilities they have

Cave Tubing!

There's nothing natural about this formation

A few people were tubing instead of kayaking, so that left us with 4 groups: An American lady who was to be paired up with the instructor, a couple from Chile, a couple from China, and finally Andreas (Italy) and I. I was pretty excited, because every time I've kayaked I've had to sit in the back so I could steer, so I finally got to sit in front and enjoy the unobstructed views. That lasted for all of about 3 minutes however, as the chinese couple crashed their kayak twice before even making it to the first set of rapids. Thus, it was determined I should switch spots with one of them, so I could steer their kayak, losing my precious view :'(.

About halfway through the kayaking journey, we stopped at a bar to grab a few drinks and enjoy a round of free shots. Vang Vieng is known for tubing, so there are bars set up along the river for tubers to stop at along the way. There used to be around 30, but now there are only 3, due to safety concerns related to a few dozen deaths in recent years. Meh. After a brief time relaxing, we hopped back in the kayaks and paddled to our final destination, which was conveniently at the base of my guest house. That night I was wandering around and ran into Andreas, so we grabbed some pizzas and beer. Afterwards I spoiled myself by grabbing the bizarre flavor of Pringles I kept seeing, Mayo and Cheese (disgusting btw), as well as a chocolate/nutella/banana crepe. It was pretty much a terrible day for my diet, but I figured what the hell, it's my birthday.

The next day I just started wandering through town until I found a bridge that crossed the river, because the land looked pretty remote on the other side. I ended up finding paths to two caves, each with 10,000 Kip entry fees ($1.25). The first was actually set up to be climbed, with wooden ladders set up in a few spots deemed to be dangerous. It took about 15-20 mins to get to the top and it was well worth the effort. The 360 views were amazing and the weather was perfect. Supposedly you could also enter the cave about halfway up, but the path wasn't marked so you'd have to correctly guess where it was. Most people at the top didn't even know you could enter the cave, let alone know where to find the entrance. The guy who worked the entrance said 5 minutes inside would be enough (that's what she said), so it probably wasn't too amazing (that's the opposite of what she said). Climbing that cave was pretty awesome, but there's no way it would pass safety requirements in the states. If you slipped you were definitely going to get injured.

Follow me brothers

Each rung of the ladder is held in by two nails....most are loose

Beautiful

It's satisfying being on top

I wanna change the world, I don't just wanna watch it go by...

The second cave, Lusi, was about a 10 minute hike from the first. For an extra fee you could see a lagoon but I didn't deem it worthy of my money and saved $1. I figured they were going to charge me extra for a guide, so I said I'd go alone, but apparently the guide is required since people can't enter the cave alone due to safety concerns. It was pretty weird being in so many caves, because I hadn't been to one in like 4 months, and then I went to 3 in two days. They're so creepy and cool at the same time.

When I finally returned to my hostel, I noticed an email from my mother stating that she hoped I got the e-card she'd sent me. I think we both know it was a cover up as there was no e-card, and the belated message was a failed attempt to mask that she had in fact forgotten to wish me happy birthday. A recycled candy bar for Christmas, and a forgotten birthday. Normally I would forgive such an atrocious act (No I wouldn't, I'm way to petty for that), but this was in fact the third time she's missed my birthday. The first was, ironically, my first birthday, where I received no presents and no celebration was held, because she thought I wouldn't remember... Wouldn't remember? I will never forget that atrocity. My 12th birthday was also missed as my parents took a cruise to the Caribbean, while my babysitter made me some Mac'N'Cheese... and I'm not even sure it was Kraft! And now another birthday forgotten, meaning roughly 12% of my birthdays have been skipped either intentionally or unintentionally. She'll have no need to "wonder why" when she receives a burning bag of diarrhea for Mother's Day.

I took the path less traveled by and that has made all the difference...

This formation is Lusi

This rock looks like a bird from the back

And a dog from the side! It looked like a turtle from the other side, pretty creepy. It also kind of looks like a pelican with a tiny body and a giant head, if you make the top point the tail, with the beak going towards the ground.

After bumming around for another day, I decided to spend my final day in town rock climbing, which I'd only ever done once...on an artificial rock climbing wall. There are two options, half day or full day. The full day was only $5 more and included lunch, so I figured why not? I was the only person from my morning group to choose the full day, in fact only one other person out of all the groups chose to do full day as well. The afternoon portion was pretty cool, because I got to work mostly 1 on 1 with one of the guides, so he let me try out the harder walls and then showed me how to complete them after I got to a point I couldn't finish. He would also go up the walls and place a bunch of extra clips along the way, then have me go up afterwards and remove all of them before repelling back down.

After finishing climbing for the day, the afternoon group all decided to grab some food/beverages and watch the sunset. We also agreed to meet up later that night to grab some drinks at one of the local bars. When I arrived only Celene (France) was there, but Lily (Mexico) rolled in a few minutes later as well. The Israeli couple that climbed with us also eventually made it, so we were all able to share a few drinks together.

I have the climbing acumen of an Emperor Penguin

Not a bad place to live...The shrubbery kind of looks like a giant sitting on a hillside with a giant S in front of him

I would follow this dog to the ends of the earth

Vang Vieng Sunset

The next morning I woke up and packed my bags before heading down to find a bus that would take me to Vientiane, but noticed that my shoes were missing. In Asia, it's pretty standard that you take your shoes off before entering places. Usually that's pretty safe, but apparently my kicks looked too new, probably because Josh had just brought them to me at the animal park 2 weeks prior. Thus they were stolen and likely resold. However, I'm probably not as in need as the person who ended up with my shoes, so hopefully whoever has them is enjoying thy stylish kicks.

The guys at reception called their boss and comped me one night of my stay for my loss. It was only $6, but that was better than nothing, so I was cool with it. I procured my bus ticket and then went to wander, to make sure I didn't dwell on my shoe loss or get upset about it. As I walked around I noticed a restaurant and decided I'd head there for lunch since my bus didn't leave until 1. I also had to run back to the bar we were at the night before because I forgot to pay for one of my beers when they kicked everyone out for bar close and I can't risk any more bad karma.

Once lunchtime arrived, I headed back to the restaurant I had passed and learned it was run pretty much entirely by a ten year old girl. It also had a shake I'd never heard of, the coconut peanut shake. It was insatiable and I was thinking, maybe it's a blessing in disguise my shoes were stolen, because otherwise I wouldn't have just had my taste buds blown like this. I also ended up running into Lily, who coincidentally, was going on the same bus to Vientiane. I was finally on a VIP bus, mostly because it was the only option, but still I was moving up in the world. They even ran a service to pick you up from your guest house, though it didn't go so smoothly for me.

After I was picked up by the shuttle, we went to the next guest house to gather more passengers and the driver started asking for tickets. Upon seeing mine, he told me it wasn't good enough and I had to get off and buy another ticket. Looking at my watch and realizing the big bus was set to leave in 15 minutes, I hustled back to my hostel, which was now a few blocks away and told the dude at reception what had happened. He was flummoxed and called them to see what the deal was, being informed they had no idea why the guy kicked me off the shuttle bus. 5 minutes later same shuttle drove back and I hopped back on laughing. The Korean family in the back, who had seen me get kicked off previously started laughing as well and welcomed me back on board.

I finally got to the VIP bus and located Lily as we waited for the bus to get loaded up. The ride took just under 4 hours with a stop for ice cream, which was all sorts of amazing! Lily was going to spend the night at the airport since her flight left at nine the next morning, but I told her she could just crash in my room since it was a double. World of good deeds people, let's make it happen! We bummed around until we found the night market where sushi was four for $1. My wallet loves Asia sometimes. We also stumbled upon a giant arcade/carnival type place, so we tapped into our rage and hopped in the bumper cars. You're never too old to be a kid!

He hears the ticking of the clocks, walks along with a parrot that talks. Hunts her down by the waterfront docks where the sailors all come in, maybe she'll pick him out again. How long must he wait? One more time for a simple twist of fate...

I said tell me your name, is it sweet? She said my boy it's Dagger...oh yeah

As you're watching the wind blow through your front yard... Don't follow your head, follow your heart

I spent the next day bumming around the city and kept randomly finding monuments, heck I even found the Presidential Palace! Eventually I stumbled upon a city map and realized I had hit 5 of the 8 main attractions by chance so decided to go find the other three, the last being a mall, where I was hoping to find some replacement kicks. Some malls in Asia are set up a little unconventionally. They don't have set shops, like most malls, so for example this one had stalls all around the outside of the building and throughout bottom level; Clothing, pharmacy, and luggage on the main level; And food/jewelry on the second floor. The top four levels were all shut down. My dreams of finding shoes were quickly destroyed as the biggest size available was a puny 9 and I needed 11, so it wasn't meant to be. Here's an educational roundup of my tourist adventure:

That Dam Stupa - Twas built in the early 1600s and originally named King Koupa Stupa. However, after Mario defeated Koupa and rescued Princess Peach in the early 90s, he started referring to it as that damn stupa and the name stuck... True story

Chao Anouvong Statue - Chao Anouvong holds the Guinness World Record for Smelliest Fart...There were nine casualties

Presidential Palace - Obama was not here. Apparently other countries have presidents too, even though America rules the world. Silly foreigners.

Vat Sisaket - The Buddha is believed to have been the pre-incarnation of Macho Man Randy Savage

Hor Phakeo - All Asians look the same (I figured I should have one true educational fact in here..for the children that read my blog)

Namphu Fountain - The Namphu Fountain shut itself down during the latter half of 2013 out of fear of what Miley Cyrus might do to it one day

As I was wandering back to my guest house, I ran into Andreas from kayaking, who was roaming the streets with his wife, who was a native of Laos. They gave some ideas on where to get shoes and I eventually found some in my size! Apparently I'm a European 44 and a Japanese 270. In other words, I'm beyond being a man's man, I'm more like a god's god. When all was said and done I had spent six hours walking around the city, so I was pretty much dead.

The mighty Mekong, my favorite river

I can either get you knock off Louis Vuitton or genuine Louis Fontaine - your call

That evening I got online to figure out my route through Southern Laos as the Lonely Planet guide is really skimpy in it's coverage of Laos and doesn't tell you the geographic location of each destination. A flaw that makes it difficult to traverse the land in the cheapest way possible. I eventually settled on going to three small towns before heading to the 4000 Islands, but that tragic story requires it's own blog.

Random GoPros

After reviewing my gopro photos from the tubing cave, I'm convinced it was haunted. That ribbon of light looks insane, it has perfect wavelengths, and appears to be twisting through dimensions

That is definitely a ghost or demon. It has an ear and a face, and lights shooting out of it. That thing is more ghost than Swayze. How creepy are these photos!?!?! It's either ghosts or inter-dimensional creatures. I'm not going to go as far as saying this provides evidence that other mythical things like the Dementors, Sasquatches, Dinosaurs, or Justin Bieber's testicles are real, but I think it strongly supports the supernatural possibility. Just Sayin.