World ExploraSean: December 2018

It was just another day in the office when I got a message from Sarah: When are you going to be home? Within 1 nano-second of receiving this message I turned to my buddy Jonathan and said, "Holy shit dude, I'm pretty sure Sarah's pregnant". I started to think back to how this could have happened, and then it became clear...

It was springtime. The foliage was in bloom and my ass was displayed prominently above the mantle. My hair was long, my mustache exquisite. Sarah had just gotten off the road and when she came through the door I was down to just my socks. And when I'm down to just my socks, I say, "Baby, do you know what time it is?" To which she generally responds, "No." And then I say, rather sensuously I might add, "Oh yeah, you know what time it is. It's business time." And then with a thrust of my leg, I repeat, "It's business time, that's why they call them business socks ooo!" Then there was a lot of dancing on my part, after which I woke Sarah back up and said, "Alright baby, I'm ready. Do we need to be safe?" To which she mumbled, "Probably."

Probably. Three little syllables that were uttered, when only a one syllable response was needed. Listen ladies, when a man is in the throes of passion, he needs a yes or a no. A man can't be expected to interpret words or comprehend information. A man just wants to get laid. Now normally, even if you risk it, your chances of getting pregnant are slim. But what Sarah doesn't understand is that I don't have normal sperm. They don't need multiple chances to create life, they were borne to be born. The truth is, I don't have sperm. I have tadpoles of the Gods.

This is what happens when you use an app for birth control

Is it surprising that Sarah got pregnant within months of me hanging this photo? Clearly fertility clinics need to update their artwork...

As soon as I got home I asked Sarah what she messaged me about earlier, to which she just pretended to be busy in the yard. When I pressed her again, she stormed past me and said, "Do you really want to know what I wanted to talk to you about?" When she returned, she hurled something at me. When I looked down, I saw a little white stick that said one wonderful word: Pregnant. It's a pretty magical moment when you find out you're having a baby, but also a little gross in this instance. I mean throwing a stick that you've peed on at someone is a little unsanitary, but I didn't feel it was the appropriate time to have that conversation with Sarah.

What happens next is a little bit different than what happens on television and movies. There's no instantaneous doctor appointment, you have to wait weeks. I can tell you without question, those were the six longest weeks of my life. You start reading the books, researching online, hearing about all the horrible things that can go wrong, and then you finally get to the ultrasound. And once you see that crazy, little baby thrashing around in there... Wow. That feeling is like nothing else you could ever imagine.

I've watched sunrises from mountains, snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef, witnessed a lion chase a giraffe, soared above clouds and fallen from the sky.... This is the best thing I've ever seen.

Whilst Sarah worked her way through morning sickness and all the crazy hormonal changes, I prepared for the arrival of our friend Sunny and his buddy (Now our buddy too!) Max. Sunny likes to visit the U.S. so he can see the empire that the British could have had, if we Americans weren't better in every possible way. Plus we have cheap electronics. Let's be honest, it was mostly about the electronics. He started his journey by visiting Max in Chicago and then they hopped on a train to KC. You can take a man out of London, but he'll still travel by train. In America we have these things called planes that take you places in 1/5 of the time, but you know, you do what you gotta do bro.

They got in pretty late, so we just hung out for the first night and then spent the next day exploring the city. We saw the WWI museum, ate some lunch in the crossroads, and let Sunny prove his degree was well earned. Sarah and I decided to wait before telling Sunny to see if he could figure it out himself since he's a doctor. And I have to concede he is good at his trade, because he called her on being pregnant as soon as she excused herself to the bathroom before lunch. Less than half a day! Impressive.

After lunch, we decided to increase our spending and drove to Legends for some outlet mall shopping. I think Sunny was the most excited to shop, but probably ended up spending the least of anyone! Max and Sarah combined efforts to get BOGO shoes, Sarah and I got shirts, and Sunny's card kept confusing American card readers. UK cards have chips and wireless tapping capabilities, but for some reason America has decided to stay 10 years behind and his sophisticated card was too much to handle. Why you gotta be so posh bro?

We closed out our final day by taking a stroll through the arboretum, eating our weight in Oklahoma Joe's bbq, searching the plaza for the perfect fridge magnet, and relaxing by the fire underneath the stars at night. A far cry from our crazy nights of drinking in London, but enjoyable all the same!

Our boy is all grown up. Had to send him off on a train.

A Professor, a Doctor, and a Vagabond

After Sunny and Max left us, we prepared for our next trip. Sarah had to work a software go-live in the northeast two weeks in a row, so instead of having her fly back, I met her in Philadelphia for a long weekend that also included a train down to DC. I had never been to Philly, so I was pretty excited to go as it is the home of Rocky Balboa! Our hotel was in a pretty awesome location, because we were within walking distance to the historic district that contains the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall, which is where the Constitution and Declaration of Independence were signed. I didn't really care about waiting in a huge line to go inside Independence Hall, but we did go see the Liberty Bell and a showing of Mama Mia at the Walnut Street Theatre, which is the oldest theatre in the US.

The next day we were already leaving Philly for DC, but I made sure to get a Philly Cheesesteak on the way out. We elected to walk most of the way to the train station since Sarah was having some flashes of morning sickness, which by now we had learned happen at all times of day. After working a few hours in the train station, we finally got on board to DC and made our way to our friend James' place of work. He really wanted to get sushi for dinner, so we had to tell him that wasn't a possibility. And then he wanted to know if we wanted a drink while we figured out dinner, to which Sarah said she couldn't drink. And then James co-worker said, "Oh my God, are you pregnant?", which caused his jaw to drop!

It's not the waking, it's the rising.

First there was cheese whiz. Then came the changing of underpants.

We eventually settled on grabbing dinner at The Salt Line, which is right outside the Nationals baseball stadium and it was well worth it. The food was delicious and the desserts were ridiculously large. Later that evening we went back to James place so we could wait for Ian and Julin to get back from Julin's school dance. Julin was also kind enough to let us crash in her room during our stay. The next day we set out for some DC adventures with Ian and Julin, which was actually pretty cheap since all the museums are free! We started our morning with a trip to the National Air and Space Museum, which had an absurd amount of planes hanging from the rafters as well as some pretty cool NASA displays.

After a brief stop for a food truck lunch, we made our way to the National Museum of Natural History, which is alarmingly similar to the British version housed in London. It was also here that we let Ian and Julin in on the secret! Julin was pretty excited and even got a list of baby names starting with S going for us. I said I was fine with the first name starting with an S, so long as the middle name is Yo. Skylar Yo Lowe sounds like a good name to me...

People asked me about the museum. I said it's got a pretty plane set up. Let's be honest, I was born to make dad jokes.

I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl...

I decided to donate a mold, nay an erection of unparalleled beauty to the museum. It is now enshrined. I'm not surprised.

After getting our fill of museums I really wanted to see the giant statue of Lincoln, so we headed that way. We also passed this really big, white house along the way, but I wasn't really that intrigued by it. Plus I heard the senile old man that lives there is a sexist a-hole. James was finally wrapped up with work by the time we got to the Lincoln Memorial, so he was able to meet up with us so we could all get dinner together.

The next day we crashed Julin's karate class, where I was heart broken to find that she had moved on from me as a potential crush to her karate instructor. You disappear from a teenage girls life for one year and you become old news! We hung out for a few more hours, but before we knew it, Ian was already taking us to the airport. Those long weekends always seem so short...

I asked if we could see the giant statue of Lincoln sitting down. Sarah said, "Do you mean the Lincoln Memorial?". Listen, we aren't all sophisticated and well learned, some of us just call the stuff what the stuff is.

You need a little light to guide the way, waiting on the sun to shine again. You gotta keep your head up high, you gotta keep your head up high. You need a little hope to carry on in the middle of the night when you're alone. You gotta keep your head up high, you gotta keep your head up high...

Sarah and I spent weeks planning our next big trip for the year, a return to Europe! It was a 17 day adventure that took us to five countries, but that's a story for another blog...

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