Darwin to Bali

My final stop in Australia was Darwin, the hottest, most expensive place in all of Australia.  Upon arrival I couldn't help but question Darwin, because their daylight savings time difference is 30 minutes, I mean who staggers their time by half an hour, that's just a dick move.  The only big activity I considered doing was the crocodile cage, which is where you get into a giant glass cage and then are lowered into a tank that contains a crocodile, which is then fed in front of you.  I ultimately decided not to do it since it wasn't like I was seeing an actual crocodile feeding and making it's own kill in the wild; It was too manufactured for me.  

My hostel had the worst deposit system ever created.  Key deposit was $30, dishes were $10, but you didn't get a kit of a plate,bowl, cup and cutlery, you just walked up and they just randomly gave you a few items unless you specified each item individually....and in order to use a pot or pan, you had to go back down and trade in your room key.  So for this entire system, you had to take all of your dishes and groceries to the kitchen, go downstairs, turn in your key to get a pan, then head back upstairs to the kitchen, hope you didn't forget anything in your room, such as a plate, because if you did you had to go back and re-exchange to get your room key and repeat steps 1-3, and then cook your meal and take the pan to reception to get your key back....WHY!!??!!!

I maintained a low profile for the few days I was there, since I was dealing with the loss of my father, so I didn't get up to too many crazy antics, but I did procure a new external hard drive and tripod for all my camera activities.  I also worked out and tested out my new tripod by doing a time lapse along the beach.  My roomates, Charlotte (New Zealand) and Vincent (American... [North American, Canadian to be exact. That's right America, you never thought about it, but Canadians are Americans, just like you!  Canada FTW]), as well as their friend Tibeaux (Tebow), showed me some of Darwin's finest bars on my last night, which was a really good time.  A dutch girl also gave me her lonely planet Bali guidebook, since I told her that's where I was headed.  Peeps be too nice to me, it's undeserved.

Darwin's Army...Not quite as powerful as Dumbledore's

Amazing

After 4 days in Darwin, I had to start making my way to Indonesia, so I could check off continent 5 of 7!  Africa and Antarctica, Seanie's gonna get you...  I had such an amazing time in Australia, I'd say it's the funnest place I've ever been in my life.  From seeing landmarks like the Opera House, camping out, sailing around islands, cuddling zoo animals, jumping out of a plane, swimming with a shark, to meeting so many cool, beautiful people on various tours or in hostels, Australia exceeded my wildest expectations, lofty though they were.  Expensive as hell, but if you're on a working holiday visa, you can do alright for yourself and still have a great time.

On the way to the airport I ended up meeting a Brazilian kid named Leonardo, who was making the same journey, so he decided to head to the hostel I had booked, so we could figure out how to get into town and split a cab together.  Once our flight landed in Bali, I was pretty stoked to get a passport stamp, since Australia didn't feel the need to give me one and I like my mementos.  Once you arrive, you get hit with a $25 entry fee and then go pick up your bags.  Picking up bags was the craziest shit I have ever seen in an airport.  There were little Indonesian guys running in and out of the chute that the bags come out of and it took 45 minutes for our bags to show up.  At one point a 15 lb kettlebell fell onto the conveyer belt.  I have no idea what was going on in there, but thankfully my bag arrived and no one placed any illegal drugs inside.  The airport is insane, all the locals run at you like you are a celebrity and try to oversell you on a ride into town.  The rate is supposed to be 115,000 to our hostel, but Leo and I settled for 120,000, a difference of about 50 cents.  My brother Josh would not approve of the over-payment, but I can live with it.

Leo and I explored the towns of Sanur and Kuta with a Japanese American friend we met at the hostel, Adam, on our first full day in Bali.  The hostel I stayed at, Big Pineapple, was probably the best hostel I have ever stayed at in terms of sociability.  It has an amazing set up for central lounge locations so everyone ends up hanging out together and doing various tours together.  There were a few issues like the WiFi cutting out all the time and a long power outage, but if anything it forces you to be more social.   The people that run the hostel also live there with their 5 year old son Soren, so Peppe (Italian), Linsay (Scottish) and I had the pleasure of playing Zombies, shadow puppets, and a Big Daddy style "I Win" card game with him for a few hours while we waited for the power to get sorted.  A bunch of us from the hostel also hired some personal drivers and did a big trip together, starting with a brief stop a silver shop before heading to the Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary in Ubud.

They're so human like, it's creepy and amazing!

Every creature has loved boobs since the dawn of creation.  Boobs are amazing, enough said

Gollum...seriously a triple mohawked baby Gollum.

The monkey sanctuary was absolutely amazing.  All the monkeys roam free and seem to enjoy life, which is what I believe to be the most important thing about these types of establishments.  Adam and I also saw two monkeys having sex, which basically just looked like rape, even more-so after the female ran to a puddle and started cleaning herself immediately after.  To be honest, I felt a little violated just being witness to such an act of indecency...Watch dirty monkey sex, not on my bucket list, but check.  Most of the monkeys were a little more chill, as evidenced by the following photos :).  Best 2 bucks I ever spent!

Monkey Love

Possibly the best photo I've taken on this trip...to me it says,  "I've got you back bro...Always"

Deep thinker

When you see this face on any animal, you run the fuck away.  That's why I run every time I see a mirror

After wrapping up all the monkey business, we made our way to some rice paddies, which are famous in the town of Ubud.  The charge for entry was 5000 rupiah...which is like 45 cents $US, but I sucked it up and paid the staggering fee.  In keeping with my longstanding tradition, which occurs whenever I arrive to a rice paddy on a Tuesday, I also levitated...

You don't need wings to fly.  All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise...

If I wasn't obsessed with technology, I'd like to think I could understand the beauty of living in a simple, peaceful place like this.

After the rice fields we headed to a coffee farm, to experience one of the most unique beverages in the world, the legendary Luwak coffee.  The Luwak is a small, weasel/catlike creature that eats the raw coffee beans and then poops at a digested form of the bean, which is then harvested...I shit you not.  In keeping with my tradition of trying anything once, I ordered a cup.  It was super strong, but with a couple scoops of sugar it was drinkable.  They also let us sample a bunch of other teas and coffees, which were amazing, most notably the coconut coffee, which tasted better than unicorn venom.  After the coffee break, we made our way to Kintamani for lunch, which has an open deck with views of an active volcano, Mt. Batur.

I literally ate this Luwak's shit... and he seems pretty content about it

Drinking Luwak Poo Coffee with Adam and Emma (Candian)

Some of these views are totally Balistic, I mean seriously UnBalievable.  Balin.  Ok, I'm done

The boys enjoying the buffet and beautiful views

After we got back into town, we roamed around for a little bit and procured some shrooms (you know a little fungi to turn me into a fun guy, bwahahaha... alright that's a dumb joke, I apologize.) to celebrate my belated 12th birthday, since my parents decided to go on a Carribbean cruise during my real 12th birthday, leaving me at home with a babysitter, who made me macaroni and cheese.  The shrooms (or mush as the rest of the world seems to call them) were extremely mild, so it was basically the exact same feeling as smoking pot.  I am not counting this as my first time doing shrooms...but perhaps there would be more potent ones in my future.... But that my friends is a story for another blog.

Random GoPros

GoPro Time Lapse!

This is about as exciting as it gets in Darwin

Cool tree

This monkey looks like it wants to kill itself

Little humans

Me, Leo, and Adam at the Monkey Sanctuary

GoPro Paddy

Not a bad view to drink coffee to

Adventures in Cairns

I had a ton of time to kill in Cairns, because the cheapest flight to my next stop, Darwin, required me to wait an extra week.  Since I was there for so long, I ended up booking quite a few activities.  After skydiving, my next adventure was the Raging Thunder white water rafting tour. The night before rafting, I watched 2 Guns, with Carol from England and a Canadian girl named Pamela Anderson...Seriously, best name ever.  That night I woke up at 1:30 in the morning as my roommates were rolling a joint. They were trying to be super quiet to not disturb me, but as Steinbeck one wrote, the best laid plans of mice and marijuana enthusiasts oft go awry.

Once we got to the river, we met our groups and piled into our rafts for safety lessons.  Our group had a pair of newlyweds from Spain on their honeymoon, Santi and Belen, as well as a Canadian college student, Sylvia, and two English birds, Laura and Colette.  Our instructor was an Aussie named Tim, who lost a tooth to the river on a previous rafting excursion.

To be honest the rafting was pretty lame, it was supposed to be a level 4 out of 5, but it was not challenging at all.  There were 10 rafts, so you had to wait for each raft to pass a section before moving on, meaning you spent more time waiting than rafting.  There weren't any big drops, though we did get stuck on rocks a few times.  We got to paddle underneath a waterfall, swim/float down the river, but I expected more.  There was one really cool moment though, where a giant branch from a tree fell on the raft, and the only reason it didn't land on someone and kill them, was because we were all gathered on the back half of the boat, to prepare ourselves for a flip.  It's weird how many times you barely avoid danger.  Call it fate, call it luck, call it karma.

The rafting may not have met expectations, but the views were beautiful

Some people got to jump off a log...that's not extreme bros

After getting back from rafting, I went to have a few drinks on the hostel patio with my dorm mates, Yan and Andy and ended up running into some girls I knew, so I headed back to Gilligans with Carol, Pamela Anderson, my fellow American Becky, and Swedish bird named Hannah.  I love that you can call a girl a bird here, it's so cool.  The bar's main event for the night?  Jello Wrestling.  I don't even know why there's strip clubs in Australia, you can just go to a backpacker bar to see women take their clothes off.  It's also entertaining to see all the guys whip their cameras out as soon as boobs are mentioned, however I'm too mature for that....plus I have an insanely good memory.

I spent the next few days detoxing and working out, because my figure was unacceptable by Bali beach-body standards. Cairns has a pretty good fitness setup; There's a  bunch of free outdoor workout stations that offer resistance based weight training.    One evening, I also suffered what can only be described as a night terror.  I had a crazy dream that I was being kidnapped, so when the light flooded the room and two shapes moved through the doorframe, I awoke with the scream of a little girl.  It turned out that the two shapes, were just Yan and Andy coming back after a night smoke, so being stoned out of their minds, they were dying laughing.  What can I say, I am kind of awesome like that.  We also went out for their last night in Cairns and had the pleasure of returning to the hostel during a fire alarm, so we had to stand outside until 5 AM as one of the shops below the hostel was emanating smoke.  

There's one destination everyone in Cairns goes to: the Great Barrier Reef.  Since I had already snorkeled the inner reef on my Whitsundays tour, I decided to hop on a boat with Compass Cruises, because it takes you to the outer reef, which I was told has clearer waters and more diversified marine life.  The boat I was on was really slow, so it took a few hours to get to our first snorkel site, Breaking Patches, but we were offered free coffee, tea and fruit for breakfast, so it was all good.

When I started snorkeling, I was surprised to find everyone snorkeling in a big group, which means you can't really see anything and various particles will be splashed in front of you, distorting your view.  Thus I decided to go rogue, and found some awesome patches of shallow coral with super clear waters.  Eventually others followed my lead and started branching out as well.  #trendsetter

Amazing coral

I was about to call it quits and head back to the boat, but decided to do one last lap around.  As I was swimming along and looking at some coral on my right, I decided to turn my head and saw that on my left was a shark, eye fucking the shit out of me.  A normal person would probably be nervous, but I was more of the mindset of: oh my god, I need a picture.  The shark was so fast, I didn't stand a chance at getting a good shot as it darted forward and then banked right and swam through the coral.  In my mind the shark was massive, the size of me at least, but the truth is that  your snorkel goggles are also magnifying glasses, so everything looks much larger than it really is.  Thus the shark was probably only a meter long, but when I tell this story years from now, the shark will be 8 meters long and it will have given me a high five with it's fin as it passed by.  That story will also end with me making sweet, sweet love to a mermaid.

Not the clearest photo, but you can see the shark in the middle!

Once everyone was back on the boat, we were served lunch, which was actually pretty solid.  We got sausages, chicken, and 4 different salads.  Then we made our way to Hastings Reef, which had massive schools of fish, rainbow colored fish, fish with lazy eyes, sea turtles, etc.  After that snorkel, we were given the option to partake in an activity called boomnetting whilst making our way back to Cairns.

Boomnetting consists of throwing a net behind the boat and having people hang onto it while the boat speeds up.  The further back you are on the net, the more submerged you become.  It's more a measure of holding your breath than endurance.  After thirty seconds on speed level two, and a gallon of saltwater in my lungs, I decided to let go.  As a reward for returning alive, we were offered wine, cheese and fruit.  It was a great day trip and relatively cheap at $99.

Never could find Nemo...

School of Fish

Camouflaged Turtle

My last activity to do in Cairns was a tour of the Tablelands, which is a giant rainforest housing waterfalls, volcanic craters, and poisonous butterflies.  That's right, there's even poisonous butterflies in Australia...WTF is wrong with this place!  There are a few options, but I went with Captain Matty's Barefoot Adventure, and true to his name he showed up barefoot and made everyone hug him before getting on the bus.  His tour also wasn't on any sort of schedule, so you are allowed to hang out for as long as you want at any given spot.  Our first stop was Lake Eacham, which is a lake formed from a volcanic crater.  After a quick swim, we were served hot tea/chocolate/coffee and fresh fruit.  Delicious!

Matty was also feeling a little adventurous since it was such a beautiful day, so we took a little detour to a lookout point, that housed an amazing view of the hilly land below.  Then we headed to Millaa Millaa falls, which is the place from the Herbal Essences commercial where the girl flips her hair up in front of the waterfall.  I was trying to be manly, so I didn't partake in any hair flips, but I did swim underneath the waterfall, which was pretty amazing.

There are amazing views everywhere in the world, you just have to open your eyes and realize what you're staring at

Millaa Milla Falls 

Call me an optimist, but I think the GoPro is half full

After the falls we headed to a pub to grab some lunch.  There were also free jugs of beer lined up on the bar waiting for us, now that is how you run a tour!  Matty also owed some shots to people, because he offered any girl that flashed some construction workers or any guy that mooned them a free shot.  Two of the English girls also took their tops off and let guys take body shots off of them.  I think they forgot it was 2 PM and not 2 AM...The British are a rowdy bunch!

Our next destination was Zillie Falls, where we took a recently cleared path to the bottom of the falls. We were climbing over tree trunks, maneuvering through brush, and hopping rocks across a stream.  However, the reward was quite nice, as seing Zillie from below was beautiful.  After hiking back up to the bus, we headed to our last stop, Josephine Falls.  Talk about saving the best for last, Josephine has a natural rock waterslide.  It was a pretty fun way to end the day, although I did slip in the stream on the way back, which caused my camera bag to get wet, but luckily it's insulated and everything was kept dry on the inside.

We then had one final tea time, complete with chocolate cake, cookies and TimTams.  Oh the Tim Tam, how I will miss ye.  One of the most delicious cookie snacks I have ever had.  TimTams are possibly more delicious than Oreos...Yeah I said it brah!  The tour was solid and took up the entire day, lasting from 730 AM to 730 PM.  Definitely worth doing if you are in Cairns.

Zillie Falls

Josephine Falls

Best water-slide ever

I really enjoyed my time in Cairns, it's a great spot to hang out for a while if you are in Australia as there is a lot to do and it's cheaper than the other places along the coast.  My next stops were Darwin and Bali, but that is a story for another blog.

Random 7Ds (Switching it up, used the GoPro as my main camera due to all the water activities)

I am never living more than 3 hours from the Ocean ever again!

Lake Eacham

One of my favorite views on my trip thus far...jaw droppingly beautiful

Millaa Millaa Falls

Zillie Falls 

How can you not be outdoorsy if you live here?

Waterfall Rock Slide!

Magnetic Island and Cairns Skydive

Thanks to everyone who kept my family in their thoughts and prayers over the past few days.  Your support means a lot.  Here's my way of saying thanks:

Even when someone you love is six feet under ground

And you're too shaken to make a sound

There is comfort in having such amazing friends abound

Whose warm wishes can turn your spirits around

For all hope that's lost can be found

So my friends, can you hear that sound?

It's my spirits being lifted off the ground

There are no more tears around

On my face only a smile can be found

For in my heart, hope's abound

Alright, enough poetry, back to my shameful seananigans.  When I awoke to pack my bags and get ready for my bus to Townsville, I was rocking a pretty extreme hangover, so I did what any logical person would do; I ate a crapload of McDonalds and drank some coffee.  As I lugged my bags down to the bus stop, I was hoping to sweat out some of the booze, because I'm pretty sure my body was 60% alcohol instead of water at that point.  Once I got onto the bus, I curled up in the fetal position and went into hibernation mode.  After roughly two hours, we made our first stop.

As we all filed out of the bus, four dudes headed towards the bathroom with one intention, throwing up.  One guy was in there puking his guts out, while two others decided they couldn't wait for the one stall to open and went to vomit outside.  Once that stall opened, my finger was down my throat and I spewed all sorts of booze infused Egg McMuffin particles into that toilet.  Then I drank a giant gatorade, ate some crackers, and felt like a Greek god.  Alcohol...Bulimia...Cured.  It's the ABCs of a hangover folks.  After a few more hours on the bus, I arrived in Townsville and immediately hopped on a ferry to Magnetic Island.

Magnetic Island

When I arrived on Magnetic, I hopped on the local bus to get to my hostel, but was a little surprised when it was full of school kids.  Lucky for them I shaved my pedophile mustache upon arriving in Australia, otherwise I would have been quoting Matthew McConaughey, "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age. Alright!". I was under the impression Magnetic was tiny and you could walk it in a few hours, but that was definitely not the case, it's got some size to it (that's what she said).

After a much needed shower and countless brushings of the teeth, I ventured out to find a grocery store to get some deodorant since I had just run out, and as we all know, when my pits get sweaty it smells like two landfills having a farting contest. I had a free meal/drink voucher from when I checked in, and as I went to redeem it, ran into Emelie and Anna, so I ended up grabbing dinner with them. We all decided there was no way we could drink after the previous night's revelry and I have to say it was nice to be able to finally talk without dance music blaring in the background!

The next day I journeyed to the koala sanctuary, because Victoria from my Stray trip in NZ had told me you could hold tons of critters and it was cheap...  It was sooooo insanely cheap at $21.  The only photo you had to pay for was holding a koala, which was $15.  On top of that the bus ticket was only $5.50 round trip from my hostel, so it was roughly $40 for the entire experience, whereas it was $40 just to hold a koala at the Australia Zoo. Twas the most bang for your buck activity I have done in Australia.

Sometimes I stroke my croc, what's the big deal?!?!?!? 

I finally found a bird that fancies me! If only she was human... and a she.  This bird was actually a dude, which I should have surmised since it's a cockatoo.  His name is literally an anagram stating he has "a cock too"

I think this cockatoo just locked eyes with the crazy eyes cow from New Zealand...

What better pose to strike at a Zoo than Zoolander's?

This snake was putty in my hands thanks to my mastery of parseltongue 

When the lady pulled this lizard off my head, he was tangled in my hair and she told me I needed to use more conditioner...I can't win

There's the tortoise and the hare, and then there's the turtle and the hair.  60% of the time, the hair wins every time...

Someone was a little jealous when she saw me kissing the cockatoo...

After spending two days there, I'm still not sure why it's called Magnetic Island, because there was literally nothing magnetic about it.  I didn't see so much as a fridge magnet.  I mean the only thing remotely magnetic was the fact that all the women there were drawn to me, but let's face it, that's everywhere.  (Random business idea:  I'm lying down in a glorious golden meadow in my $6000 suit [c'mon] with a bunch of baby chicks crawling all over me.  The caption: chick magnet.  Bam, that's how you sell a suit!)

I hung out in Townsville for a few days, but that was probably a mistake as it was the most boring place in Australia.  I had to walk about 1.5km to get to my hostel in the 32 degree heat (90 Farenheit).  On top of that, once I entered my room I had the pleasure of seeing an old, fat german dude roam around in his underwear.  He was replaced by a young, attractive blonde girl the following day however, so I was lifted from my depression and thankful I hadn't gouged my eyes out with a spoon.  

Townsville's twisted train tracks (when you said that in your head did it come out twisted train or twisted twain?)

I couldn't get a good read on this girl, she didn't talk much, but then she would only wear oversized t-shirts to bed that were see through to the point that you could make out each stitch on the lacy fringes of her lingerie. I mean... if you were looking, which I totally wasn't, because I'm a gentleman (#RespectForWomen).  I was also disappointed that Halloween isn't a huge celebration in Australia like it is in the states.  I mean, it's the greatest holiday of the year.  I can be shirtless, you can be shirtless, there's endless supplies of booze, and you have the perfect defense of, "I don't know what you were talking about, that totally wasn't me, I switched costumes halfway through the night."  They took a recipe for success and threw it away.  But anyways, after a few uneventful days in Townsville, I hopped on Greyhound for one last time so I could get to Cairns.

Cairns is one of those places you feel really good about, like destiny summoned you there and you don't know why.  I was glad to find my hostel was a mere block away from the bus stop, so I didn't have to get disgustingly sweaty hauling my bags.  I also got a free upgrade to a 3 bed room, which was amazing since the hostel was only $15/night, making it by far the cheapest hostel I have stayed at in the past 3 months.  That night I met up with my two favorite Swedes to celebrate Emelie's birthday.  Ahh the Swedish girls, I don't think there's a man alive that could resist falling for em.  Kind, clever, beautiful. They're amazing!

Global Palace > Brokedown Palace....

There's been one activity that has eluded me during my backpacking career... skydiving!  I had pre-purchased a skydive in New Zealand, but was thwarted by the weather.  However the way I look at life is, heads you win and tails you try again.  Thus I booked a skydive in Cairns to celebrate the 3 month anniversary of my travels.  As soon as I saw my skydive instructor, Jonas, I knew that I had lucked out because he was clearly insane.  He was way more into getting entertaining footage than the other jumpers and was constantly messing with me.

Most people think you'll be afraid before you skydive, but I only felt excitement.  Once you reach the correct altitude for the jump, which was 14,000 feet, everyone starts jumping out with their instructor.  When the first person jumps out of the plane you are kind of just like, holy crap, that person just jumped out of a plane...then it dawns on you that in about 10 seconds you are going to do the same and you're body starts churning out so much adrenaline that you understand why people take amphetamines.  There is no feeling that even comes close to skydiving, it's absolutely mental.

Sometimes the only way is jumping, I hope you're not afraid of heights!  Because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion...

Oh yeah I'm freeeeeeeee, freeeeeeeee faaaaaalllllllliiiiiin

Gravity and air resistance vs. my face...I think it's clear who the loser is in this photo (awww self ashamed pun)

People call us renegades cus we like livin crazy :)

I look like a 12 year old girl that just got tickets to a Justin Timberlake concert in this photo

I look like Chinese Joseph Gordon Levitt in this photo

Though I'd just fallen back to Earth, I was ready to go again!

That skydive was quite possibly the funnest thing I've ever done, it is definitely up there with the stunt plane.  It's such a different experience than any of the other adventure activities and it lasts for quite a bit of time since you have a 60 second free fall followed by a few minutes of parachuting.  Jonas also let me do a little bit of steering on the parachute ride down, which was pretty cool.  For anyone that hasn't done a skydive, I highly recommend it, you will never feel more alive!  I honestly felt like I could conquer the world afterwards.

I had a lot of other activities to do in Cairns, such as rafting and snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, but that is a story for another blog...

Random GoPros

 Leaving Townsville

Magnetic Island

Beautiful views along the bay in Cairns

The Marina

Cairns has a really cool Lagoon area, but unfortunately it's closed during the wee hours of the morning :p