I feel my feet sink in the mud as I tentatively open one eye to check my surroundings. I see nothing but camouflage and necks red from the sun. I look up at the hill and see Billy 1 and 2. The air smells like stale Coors Light and petrol. I shake my head and open both eyes this time as if to wake myself from a dream, but the only thing I see is a man in a sleeveless flannel walking next to another man in a grease stained wife beater. The effect of all that bacon grease on the human body is demonstrated with each step and corresponding jiggle of his exposed belly. So where have I found myself this time, surrounded by the red necks and hill Billies? NASCAR baby. Where if you ain't first, you're last.
Nascar appeals to the alcoholic in all of us, as each ticket holder is allowed to bring in a cooler full of beer. Probably because they're hoping if you're drunk enough you won't notice all they do is turn left for three hours. We went with our friends Eli and Justin, who was a seasoned Nascar attendee. However, we found that the racing rules didn't really make any sense and there was one dude whose car was like 50% faster than everyone else's, so he just lapped them constantly.
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I forced Sarah to watch Days of Thunder to prepare her for Nascar... Days of Thunder was more exciting
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Sarah embracing her new life as a race car enthusiast
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I was honored Justin invited me to be the first Asian to ever attend a Nascar event
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After the exhilaration of watching high speed cars, we decided to take to the skies for Emmy's first flight. I had been dreading the flight from the moment I even considered booking it. Luckily we were easing into our first trip by visiting my sister, who already had car seats and strollers, so we were able to travel light. After years of trying to avoid all children on planes, I was now harboring one of them... The recompense was coming and I will ill prepared. However, all the parents who were well versed in traveling with their screaming kids welcomed us with open arms. They knew our pain. They'd spent years being beaten down and embarrassed by their children. Tick tock, these kids aren't clocks, they are time bombs baby. Time bomb babies. And ours was about to go off.
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| Who doesn't love flying with babies? |
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Face Off. It's more than just a Nic Cage movie.
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Teach her how to be a rebel Ray
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After the stern pep talk I gave Emmy about how I expected more from her the next time we flew, we hopped in my sister's car outside baggage claim and started our first family vacation! Ray was prepping to become a big brother in a few months, so hanging with Emmy was a good test run to prepare him for his new responsibilities. I think it's safe to say he was able to entertain an infant with ease, and also showed her what a primordial scream was all about.
My sister had just put in a pool at their house...perks of the Florida life. Thus we were able to chill out and get Emmy in the water without having to worry too much about her pooping in the pool. Not because it was a safe environment for that, but because her Uncle Craig never gained the ability to control his bowels during any of the 40 years of his life. To be fair though, I did shart my pants on the morning of my 32nd birthday. It's not something I'm proud of, but I do feel it should be disclosed if I'm going to mock another.
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| She was really excited to go blueberry picking |
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It's ok, you can pet the cat Ray.
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Apparently Leslee didn't get the memo to look up into the distance
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Just a couple of smoothies buying their families smoothies
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We were also lucky that our friends Skylar and Jamie were able to drive up from Sarasota to come hang with us. They were actually catching a flight to go on vacation the same weekend we arrived, but made the round trip the day ahead of their flight to come meet Emmy. We are lucky to have friends that care so much! But I mean, she is the cutest baby ever, so it was totally worth it for them.
It was also during this trip that I realized how far my dad bod had fallen. Not in terms of sheer physicality or looks, but in terms of alcohol tolerance. Sarah's utter lack of drinking during her pregnancy had led to a decline in my intake and I could no longer keep up with the boys. I really should have taken better advantage of having the free designated driver for all those months. Rookie mistake. I'll do better in the future.
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Hip hop mama spic n span, met you one summer and it all began. You're the best girl that I ever did see, the great Larry Bird, jersey 33.
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I don't want anything unless there's you, unless there's you. I don't want anyone, unless it's you. Unless it's you...
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This is the exact pose I used to make when farting. But that was...before the accident
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Our next trip led us to Maine for Sarah's sister's wedding. This was our first true traveling test as there were multiple legs on our flight plan. Luckily Sarah had a ton of points built up from traveling for work, so we got free upgrades to First Class. Obviously my Emmy deserves nothing less. I'm not sure how excited the other first class passengers were about sitting next to a baby though. Upon arriving in Bangor, we hung out at Candice and Eric's for a couple nights before making our way down to Camden, where they had made plans to get married.
For those of you that have never been to Maine, I highly recommend visiting it and cruising along the coast. The state has a ton of wildlife and I'm pretty sure like 80% of it is state/national parks. We even saw some seals directly from Candice's backyard, which I feel like is kind of surreal. They rent out half of their house through Airbnb and the daughter of the family that stayed their prior to our arrival actually painted the sunset view from their deck onto a canvas and left it for them with a note about how amazing their time in Maine was. Sometimes life has those little unexpected moments where one person's expression of joy can be passed on to others. Definitely something you notice more when you travel, if only because your more open to the unexpected.
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Candice and Eric's backyard
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| Apparently mosquito attacks need to be taken this seriously |
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Breakfast with Nana and Papa
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Emmy also had the pleasure of being spoiled not only by Nana and Papa on this trip, but also by Eric's parents. Until you have a kid, you don't realize how much joy they bring to everyone around you. And by everyone around you, I mean all the people that get to hang out and enjoy their cuteness, and not have to wipe diaper cream along their butt cracks after they shit themselves. Eric was also greatly entertained by my explanation of how we keep Emmy so chill. Feed her when she's hungry, let her sleep when she's tired, hold her if the other two don't work. He was like, you do realize you just have the easiest baby ever right? I didn't tell him the final step that occurs when the other three fail. Hand the baby to Sarah and get the f out of there.
The wedding was planned to be of the intimate variety with only immediate relatives and former male models in attendance, so we were able to split up into a few different cars and take the drive down the coast to get to Camden. Eric likes to restore vintage cars, so he and Candice took a classic car down whilst we drove their SUV with Emmy. Since the wedding was taking place upon the high seas, the captain was monitoring the weather to find a gap in the thunderstorms, so the ceremony would occur during a break in the weather. Luckily he was a master of his trade and was able to navigate us to a perfect patch of ocean before transitioning over to his second role as wedding official.
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| Well I'll be your rainy day lover, whenever the sunny days end. And whatever the weather, we'll have each other and that's how this story will end... |
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| Well I'll be your shade tree in summer, if you'll be my fire when it's cold. And whatever the season, well we'll keep on breathin, cus we'll have each other to hold. |
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| And I'll hold you and I'll sing... I'm gonna love you forever, I do. I want to spend all of my days with you. I'll carry your burdens and be the wind at your back. Yeah I want to spend my forever like that. |
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| Yeah I'm gonna spend my forever like that |
I volunteered to serve as wedding photographer with Sarah as my assistant since we already had a professional camera, multiple lenses and GoPro. Eric said I was only allowed to take pictures if I had fun doing it, because that was his primary concern for their wedding. I love taking photos and needed to redeem myself after accidentally slapping Candice's ass in Mexico, so I ensured them I would have fun with it.
It was definitely one of the most unique weddings I've ever had the pleasure of attending. I love when people have the wedding they want instead of having the wedding that they think is expected of them by others. Sometimes you just gotta do what makes you happy. The day after the wedding, we did some souvenir shopping and sightseeing in the nearby towns before heading to Camden Hills State park to check out the views, before starting our journey home.
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| She was impressed once. Like, literally just once. |
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I guess you could say their wedding was a... boat load of fun :)
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| With my lightning bolts a glowin, I can see where I am going. With my lightning bolts a glowin, I can see where I am going. You better look out below! |
2019 was a year of vagabondery, in which we were allowed to leave our houses, so there are still more adventures to write of. Our next trip involved us getting married, but that's a story for another blog...
Sean and Sarah's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps
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| People think balding occurs from the stress of having a kid... I can say with confidence, the majority gets ripped out |
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| No one ever plays with me during our family trips, they're always taking naps |
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Skylar in the background, secretly plotting on how to steal Ray's spiderman suitcase 😂
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| I used to pick my nose, now I just let her eat my boogers. |
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| Emelianda Jones and the diaper of poo! |
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| Politicians. Same shit, a different lie. |
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Back when she was cute and quiet. Now she just waves her finger at me and says NO NO NO NO NO NO
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You look like you're used to being told that you're trouble....
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At least 1 of them is smiling...
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| Gadzooks dad! Give me the spoon you big jabroni |
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| What a diva |
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Cousin fun with Uncle Ming!
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| She really ruined this photo by not looking into the camera. I don't feel like it's unreasonable to expect an infant to follow the basic rule of looking at a camera and saying cheese. #DisappointedDad |
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People say that your dreams are the only things that can save you. So come on baby in our dreams, lets live out our misbehavior.
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