Thursday, May 3, 2018

Maine and the Time We Got Stranded in Mexico

Alas, it was summer and we'd been toiling in vain
So Sarah whisked me away for a weekend in Maine
For we are vagabonds and we were built to roam
Though Candice and Eric did let us crash in their home
We arrived late at night to a sky full of stars
And a driveway packed full of friends' cars
We made all our greetings and cracked open some beers
For nothing seals an acquaintance quite like a cheers!

The next morning we left for Acadia National Park
I have rarely seen a landscape so stark
With mountain, forest, ocean, and beach
It's as if it were paradise you were trying to reach
After tiring our bodies, we decided to replenish with a barbecue lunch
I don't think Candice is following her vegan diet, at least that's my hunch!
Maine is home to horror author Stephen King
Who knows what terrors this fog shall bring...
I'm just a man and I know that I'm damned
All the dead seem to know I've been shammed
The tale that began on the night of my birth
Will be done with another turn of the earth
Die if I must, let my bones turn to dust
But I'm lord of this sea and my spirit's robust
So all who sail off this coast ever more
Will remember the tale of the ghost on the shore....
That night we rejoiced and I lost drinking game after game
Different drinks, different states, but the results are the same!
The next day I partook in my first lobster boil
I reached for a lobster and tried not to recoil
He squirmed and he fought, then he was dropped in a pot
Sorry little dude, but I'm hungry and you're all that I got!

With only one day left on our trip
We set out to see the Bar Harbor strip
It was also my last day to earn their dog, Watson's, love
He became so enamored, it's like I was sent from above
With affection obtained, twas only a Whoopie Pie I needed to get
So I devoured Maine's signature dessert as the sun did set
And with that our trip to the Northeast came to an end
But vacationing with Candice and Eric; We'd only started that trend...

Turn off your Netflix stream
And see the world as if it's only a dream...
I used to poo my pants as a child
Now I'm grown and I do it in the wild
That has nothing to do with this particular flower
It's just part of my captivating story-telling power
We set out to Honduras for Sarah's 30th Birthday
But our first flight started out with an untimely delay!
By the time we landed, boarding for our next leg had already started
So we ran through Atlanta to catch our plane before it departed!
Eventually we landed at my least favorite airport - Mexico City
Where our mood was about to go from excited to shitty!

Upon deplaning, we set out to meet Candice and Eric at our gate
We'd soon be in Honduras, fulfilling our traveling sate!
But alas, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry
And the universe decides it should make a man cry
As we stood waiting, we felt that something wasn't right
It turned out the board was broken and didn't update our flight!

We ran through the airport, desperately fighting time and space
But getting to the new gate was an unwinnable race
For I saw the attendant, heard the words from her face
Our plane had departed, there was nothing left to chase
This is the path of the inveterate traveler
Always battling the Universe, the great unraveler

To make matters worse, the airline lost my checked bag
And cancelled our return flights with a $400 re-activation price tag
I asked them to explain the gate, any story, just give me a version!
But they dropped their eyes and we were met with only aversion
But you can't give into the stress and the fear!
For life is a challenge and you must persevere!

So with pockets full of not pesos, but lint
We contacted one of my eighty brothers that was on a traveling stint
I whipped out my phone and ordered the Mexico add-on plan
Then dialed my bro and exclaimed, "I fucking need you man!"
For through some amazing happenstance or stroke of luck
Mexico City was the absolute best place we could have been stuck
For Bryn had temporarily moved there a few weeks prior
You can't even make this stuff up, not even I'm that good a liar!
You see, you may be stressed, but that's today
Tomorrow stress could go away!
I've written this clever riddle to give my blog some class
So folks - Why don't Churches ever clean their stained glass?
Ummm cus if you removed the stains then everyone could see into Mass!!!
Yup, I literally just pulled that out of my ass
There once was a maze
It was made out of maize
And it really did amaze
It's poems like this that will set the literary world ablaze!!!
Bryn was able to help get us settled whilst we made new plans
And helped ease our pain by flinging us beer cans
Hey maybe replacing Honduras with Mexico wouldn't be so bad!
Besides, if you give us quesadillas and tacos, it's hard to be mad!
Remember in my last blog when Josh, Sarah and I shared a tent?
This time it was on a twin mattress with Bryn and I that Sarah's night was spent
Should I be worried she has now slept with two of my brothers?
She would only sleep with me if I had my druthers!

Candice and Eric elected to sleep on the couch
Twas a much better idea, for that we can vouch
After getting some rest, we were done being still
So we started our adventure atop Chapultepec Hill
The castle there offers magnificent views of the city
And the statues have boobs, yeah I saw me a titty
And for those of you judging, thinking my blog's unrefined
Class is just a word that rich have defined!

That afternoon we grabbed lunch with Bryn's friends, Aaron and Martha
Dangit Martha, the only thing that rhymes with your name is Siddhartha
Who, by the way, was the first Buddhist monk
Yeah, my blog drops sweet knowledge, who'd have thunk!?!
Ok, ok so I cheated a little to make a name rhyme
It's my blog, damnit, and I declare no crime!!!!
After lunch Martha and Bryn also lent us some clothes
Yeah, I wore his undies, but it's ok cus were bros!
This is the life I live damnit, not the one that I chose!!!!

The next day we decided to get out of the city for a wee bit of fun
So we embarked on a journey to the Pyramids of the Moon and the Sun!
The aforementioned sun was ablazing, so I decided to buy some sunglasses
Oh how I haggled, I could have taught everyone classes
3 pairs of low quality knockoffs for only ten dollars
We rocked our Louis Vumon and Roy Bon's like ballers
I guess that she's gone for good.  She don't call me like I thought she would
She went west to chase the sea.  She took my money but she didn't take me
Why go wander into a unknown world?  Stood right here as the cosmos twirled
You want to fight for a cause? Then go out and love someone
Don't stop believing it will be won
Besides you might even get to have some fun....
Missing our flight to Honduras came at no price
For it is happiness that creates paradise
The zealots, from a mountain they will preach
But there is little to no wisdom in what they beseech
As a lowly vagabond, I have a message for you each
To attain all your dreams, you need only reach
After a day of exploring, Bryn, Martha and Aaron met us out for dinner
Can I just say, nothing about Mexican dining will make you thinner
After crushing our meals, we decided we were in need of a churro
Because when eating foreign foods, you need to be thorough!
We finished our evening with some drinks and an investigation
For there were other places in Mexico we wanted to spend our vacation
Ergo, we decided our next day would be our last in Mexico City
Dangit I already rhymed city with titty, what else rhymes and is witty?
I just can't think of anything else, oh what a pity!

But anyways, we spent the day exploring the touristy sites
And filling our bellies with the some fanciful delights
Plus, whilst we were out having fun, Martha was able to track down our bag!
To retrieve it, we just had to go back to the airport and show our luggage tag!
We decided to wait and just grab it the following day
Since we were planning to rent a minivan for our next getaway
Sometimes it hangs over me
I'm not sure who I'm destined to be
I'm not sure what looms above them clouds
But I need not worry about what the skyline shrouds
For though I'm not always the greatest man
Perhaps the universe has a greater plan....
Louis Vuitton's are for those full of avarice
Louis Vumon's are for the cheap and glamorous
Do not let this thing called life go to waste
Be open and give it a taste
Martha, Aaron and Bryn decided to join us on our epic adventure
And Eric took on driving, which was a risky ass venture
We made our way three hours north to an AirBnb in San Miguel de Allende
Our host gave us many recommendations, but only Martha said comprende
Yeah I just cheated another rhyme with some broken Spanish
It's just one of the many things that makes my blog so Manish
But seriously, without Martha we would have been totally lost
I would have ended up in a Mexican prison getting my salad tossed!

Our arrival also meant Sarah and I could finally put on our clothes
Why we didn't keep any of them in a carry on, no one knows
I was most thankful for t-shirts that could cover my sunburnt pecs
For Bryn had supplied me with mostly V-Necks
After getting dressed we headed to the Mercado to grab a meal
And the happiness emanating from Eric was all I could feel
There were rice and beans and delicious things
It was truly a display of what happiness brings

After stuffing our bellies, we went out to explore
And ended up at a bar where we had a beer or four
As we left, a bountiful desire I had to apease
So I gave my woman's butt cheeks a squeeze
I knew it would cause her to turn with delight
But when I saw her face, I felt only fright
For it was Candice, not Sarah who came into sight!!
Ladies, ladies! it was just an innocent caress!!!
There's no reason to put me under duress!!!
It's not as if I tried reaching under her dress!!!

And then everyone decided to laugh at my gaffe
Wondering how I couldn't recognize my better half!
Yeah, I was able to make those idiots think it was just a Seanest mistake
But it's one that I shall, likely with their mother, once again make!
Seriously ladies, you better send your mama a text
And let her know that sweet heinie is next!!!
If only a rich publisher would read my sweet poems
I could own this as the most exquisite of homes!
Do you want someone that drives a fancy car
Or do you want someone who loves you for who you are?
I want someone to be the peanut butter to my jam
I just want someone who loves me for who I am
You're eyes must be covered in wool
If you think a man can truly feel full
When he's face to face with a chocolate skull!
For dinner we thought about what we should make
So we went to a butcher and got what we thought was steak
However, Bryn and I ordered, which was a terrible mistake
For it turns out the meat we purchased was not what we thought
And it was a kilogram of short ribs we bought!

Eric and I spent five hours manning the grill
Trying to impress the ladies with our incredible skill
It only took us two hours to generate a flame
And three hours later, the ribs were raw all the same
Though Eric made a short rib taco and we declared him a winner
Aaron and Martha went out to get the rest of us dinner!

The next morning we went to La Gruda Spa to hang in the grotto
Travel as chaotically as possible then relax a little, that's my motto!
After soothing our souls, we decided to grind down our soles
So we walked into town and decided to reprise our haggling roles
I was able to talk my way into a miniature guitar for only one dollar!
Now I can make accompanying music when I scream and holler!

After everyone witnessed the one man show that I starred in
We finished our day with a trip to El Charco Del Ingenio botanical garden
There were a series of trails that loosely created a loop
So you couldn't get lost even if you wandered from the group
The cactuses were covered with more spiders than I could count
But I max out at seven, so it wasn't necessarily a high amount

Following a long and adventurous day
It was back to the Mercado that our party did stray
Those 25 peso plates are unbelievably good
I'd take them over a Michelin star, you know I would!
If I get you in my sights, you better pray
Cus darling, once your tangled, you're my prey
She's the pizza of my eye, she's what keeping me alive
Without her near me, I would not survive
Someday she'll be the bride, I'll be well groomed
We'll dance and laugh and they'll all swoon
I'll cry a lot and then we'll spoon
Without her in my life I would be doomed
All good trips must come to an end
But what a thirtieth, Sarah did spend!
We missed our flight, but that was alright
Because we still had fun night after night!
Our next few trips were spent in the states
But a trip back to Mexico was written in our fates

For Sarah had booked a surprise trip before we missed our flight to Honduras
So for the second of our thirtieths, Mexico would once again endure us
She thought it would be a new country to explore
Instead we were headed back there once more!
It's very peculiar how life works out that way
But that's a blog for another day....


Random GoPros
Grab a hold of that rope
Go farther in hope
Feel the sun and it's brightness
Go farther in lightness
These lobsters weren't always dead
They were alive until we boiled them red
And though I'm aware it's a death quite vicious
When doused in butter, they're incredibly delicious
I'm fairly certain I saw this in an art class
But I know not it's name, for I did not pass
Well except for a few times, but that was just gas
Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
Feathered canyon's everywhere
I've look at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions, I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy, dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
And that's all there really is to say...
To the pious priests driving Corvettes, who always ask for my coin
When's it coming?  This last new great movement that I can join?
This grasshopper couldn't afford a fancy gym
So he comes here whenever he fancies a swim
To the ends of the earth would you follow me?
There's a world that was meant for our eyes to see
To the ends of the earth would you follow me?
If you won't then my blog says goodbye to thee

If you feel as if this world isn't yours to take
Then it's time for you to shock yourself awake....
Say yes to sun! Say yes to pain!
Say yes to sticking with a city through a thousand days of rain!
Say yes to grace! Say no to spite! Say yes to this!
Say yes to you! Say yes to me! Say yes to Bliss!
Say yes to love! Say yes to life!
SAY YES TO LIFE!

Sarah and Sean's Sensational Stockpile of Snappy Snaps
To you Belle's in the curve
The good life is what you deserve
Oh to you Belle's of the ball
Don't you know this world was meant for you all?
Sarah told me I could have a crabby patty
If I wasn't such a fatty!!! :'(
Maine's signature dessert is the whoopie pie
So if you're ever up there, give one a try!
As Candice strolls through the garden
Eric awaits her to beg his pardon
You can think of all that chaos can bring
Or you can just be a dude, sitting on a swing
For it is only your fear that should feel afraid
As it is from lions, that you were made
After being too handsy upon leaving the bar
I could only gaze at Candice from afar
Your body called, it's got vital signs.
So let's live outside those safe ole' lines.
Yeah, no one's dying at your age
And we're aren't living in a cage.
 Yeah we may fail, but we'll still try
For we aren't laying down to die!
There's a mountain above
That I'm dreaming of
  If you need me
You know where I'll be..
Yeah I'll be riding shotgun
Underneath the hot sun
Feeling like a someone
Life never tasted so sweet
As our 5 hour grilled, yet undercooked meat!
As the bullied little brother, I now feel great joy
Because henceforth I get to call Bryn: Butterfly Boy!!!
It's not a bad time, time spent with you
There's long flights and an ever changing view
And we never have to talk again, or make another rendezvous
But since you're putting up with me, here's another toast just to you
So let's keep our dance off the beat
And mozy on together, cus good times are on repeat
To Aaron and Martha who saved our skin!
And kept our luggage from ending up in a bin!
I tell you now that life is just a maze
And it spirals out in many ways
But  your full of life, not full of greys
So make the most of all your days
I could think about all the things I should do
But I just want to waste my time with you :)